Still...

With What I Have Left...

I choose to uplift.

No dogma, don't put that on me.

I love myself. I'm happy with me. As incomplete as things are...

Using what I have left to love someone else seems to be the hardest part. This is what I'll probably die in vain attempting to do.

Oh well...

Fin.

Nothing Left To Say

It has been a painfully uncomfortable weekend. On Friday, I received an injection of the anti-cancer drug Avastin into my left eye. The eye swelled, bled and teared like a leaky water faucet. Just got the eye open Sunday evening, and can now just keep my right eye open.

This was done to work antibodies against proteins running rampant in my eye cavity, causing hemorrhages and weed-like excessive nerve growth which has already happened and is currently blocking my field of vision.

The doctors also assessed the lasering done in past weeks sessions done to stop open bloodflow to the eye and determined that most of the major bleeding has stopped. This led to the decision to quickly get me into surgery today, April 10th to move as swiftly as we can to remove non-functioning matter from the left eyeball and to clear way for the macula and optic nerve to receive light.

There is both a 70% chance the eye can be saved and that my heart can make it through the operation without 'complications'.

Yes, I've come to terms that I can die on the OR table or come out of surgery without a left eye. I am peace with the decision to move forward in this process.

I have hope. That's it. If things get dire, then i'm really not satisfied with how things turned out, but I know the Creator has a master plan.

I have a request: Pray for YOUR OWN understanding. Not the one to complain, but it has been HELL dealing with folks the don't know how to deal with you, or can't do a simple Google search or figure shit out or find the right words to say in their befuddlement. I hate that, so I've mostly dealt with this agonisingly alone.

I'd have things no other way. So, I travel to the hospital and will go thru this the same way I suffered, all by myself.

Be easy, y'all. I really don't have much else to say.