The Disconnect

You are not your job.

Specifically, you are not your job title.

You are not your degree or certificate.

You are not defined by a series of letters behind your name.

You damn sure ain't the funky little nickname they gave you on the playground


So why is it that you rise and attempt so hard on the daily to be something, achieve somethings that you are not?

And don't answer "To pay the bills" either. Stop that foolishness.


The disconnect has happened between me and a lot of people because I see that a lot of energy has gone wasted on the unnecessary by folk that I once were close to. I am not one to judge, but I do know to step aside to let certain things play out where at times I will say something in a warning or concern a few times, but if I am never heeded then okay. I just choose not to be around that. That's all.

I learned a long time ago that misery indeed loves company, and I just don't have the wherewithal anymore to stand by and support such things so many of my kinfolk intentionally self destruct. You stand too close to a bomb and you will blow the fuck up, so I back away.

I'm no better than anyone else round here', but I'll be damned if I simply stand around and waste my time. Life itself is too precious and has way more meaning that most folk will ever know. Too many of us are spinning our wheels involving ourselves in matters that have nothing to do with us:

our body composition and makeup

our true sense of spirituality

who we really are as a people

political matters both foreign and domestic

and so on that we suffer because of these unhealthy choices.

Being unhealthy, mired in a poverty mentality and living dysfunctional among each other with a broken spirit when all we do about it is question why, make no true attempt to be happy and die miserable and broke when we know with absolute certainty that whenever you DON'T change the variable, the solution can never change, regardless how many ways you either write the question or attempt to figure out a new route in solving them.

For example, if by proven fact we know that simple consumption of animal products increases the chance of sickness, cellular anomalies (like cancer) and early onset death, then why do you still eat hamburgers without question?

It's funny how when you go out to buy a car, or look for an apartment or a home, or even go clothes shopping how much research one does. Everything has to be ON POINT in order for you to feel confident to buy that car, or move into that house or apartment. You have to have the absolute best price, interest rate and offer on that car AND it better be the color with the features you want or...

But you don't choose your friends that way.

Or your religion

Or your mate

Or even what foods you use to fuel and add nutrition to your body

Scientific study and just plain natural fact is that breast milk fed to a child helps in that human's development (both mother and child) exponentially... So why would you dare go to the market to buy and consume another specie's milk again? Cow's milk contains all of the proper nutrients, DNA and micro-cellular building blocks to be passed on from mother to calf to turn a 400 pound baby calf to a 1200 adult pound cow.

And negro you KNOW that consumption of animal, especially in THIS genetically ravaged society will cause the cancer cells to morph in your system like microwave popcorn around the 3 minute mark...

That's just steak, butter, sour cream, milk and cheese I'm talking bout there. I don't even want to get on religion morality or politics...


But because someone told you some shit and you just ran with it calling it 'tradition', you are miserable as a result of this. So why would I want to hang with you knowing what the outcomes will be if you have done nothing to change the variable and witnessing a lineage... a history of bad results?

It's hard, I know because it's environmental and the people, the products of it is what makes one sick.

That, and a scared negro... One too afraid to change the variable... Will get you killed. And I ain't trying to die for none of y'all.

Hence for some, the disconnect.

You Cannot Trip On What's Behind You

It's funny how people assume things about you, even when you tell them...

I've been very direct and forward, honest and truthful about the events that have happened in my life most recently both physical and emotional. Even though these posts come far and few between, if you read this with regularity then you know somewhat what's going on with me.

I thought it would be refreshing to share even the good and bad with you, the reader. I'm not afraid to say that I was wrong.

Just because I kind of, sort of look like you, speak with the dialectic you familiar with, and probably came up in the same neighborhoods with the same family values that you're probably used to does not mean that I believe, practice or even tolerate some of the things that you do. This goes for education, spiritual/non-spiritual beliefs, morality, where I place my value systems and how I see the world.

The funny thing is, in the 10 years that I have been blogging as well as the many conversations that I have had with some and maybe even most of you over the past decade, there should be certain things that stand out in one's mind to differentiate me from everyone or everything else.

I am not a believer of the God concept.
That means I'm not Christian.
That also means that I see religion as man-made and abstract.
Which means the tenants of Judeo Christian/Islam do not resonate.
I do not follow modern day tradition.
I don't observe so-called holidays and birthdays.
I am also not a pagan.
I do not place value in material objects.
I also don't place value in what someone else says.
I do not seek validation based on groupthink or societal values.
I prefer human contact rather than virtual.
I believe technology is a tool and should be used as such.
I believe that my peer group has substituted in person for virtual...

Friendship that is.

To see a couple hugged up on a park bench, or a group of friends at the dinner table, or a family gathering where all of the uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces and nephews are all bantering about and to have that one person staring at a 4 inch screen, distracted and detached, soaking in such a limited view of the world from the average 4 to 6 apps that they exclusively use sickens me.

Coming from a network engineer I know it seems odd. But also coming from the old-school it seems appropriate. Reminds me of what happened when I ran into this beautiful young sister applying for entry to the network engineering program at this networking Academy. She was very curious and she asked tons of questions, and I answered everyone I could to the best of my ability. Hell, I was excited and I told her that there isn't anyone that looks like you in this industry right now.

I ran into the sister again last week, this time she was securing the funds and grabbing test scores to make sure that she secured her space in the program. She brought me up to date about the research that I asked her to do from the time that I saw last and also indicated that she bought a few books to help her so that she knows the basics of networking so she wouldn't jump in the program cold. If you haven't guessed, she has no technical background and doesn't have a clue about programming and networks, but she is willing to try.

I noticed something different about her body language whereas she was more open and receptive to the things that I was saying more than the last encounter we share. She then told me that she took up most of the things that I said to heart and knew that she had research to do, but when I told her that no one in this industry looks the way she does, she thought that I was flirting with her. I addressed all of her questions or concerns with jumping into networking and being black as well as being a woman, but I avoided addressing the flirt comment. What I noticed upon our first encounter a month or so back was that she had a tablet, a cell phone and a Bluetooth device, and she seemed very well-versed in using these devices and accessing information and data.

I can say the same for most of my people, but it irks me when I walk into the workplace or even these training academies as well as universities for that matter and not see any brown scanned people that are native of this land. I do notice that a lot of people that I know that look like me spend an inordinate amount of time on social media sites. What I also noticed is that the information and data mostly pertains to celebrity, and that is passed off as information that one needs to know. A majority of my people think that information regarding the rich and famous, reality TV and nonpolitical high-profile figures is the information that keeps them in the know.

And on the way home on the train, even though I only have about 34% vision in one eye I see the disparaging differences in how we live, what we do to live and how it foretells what the future will probably be for us, and it doesn't depress me, it disappoints.

This past so-called holiday season, I watched most of my people struggle to put food on the table for their loved ones and families. I also watch them struggle to put together family gatherings, holiday parties, purchase gifts and favors and decorate their homes to celebrate something that has absolutely nothing to do with them.

A handful of my friends had their unemployment benefits cut off. Some of them took furlough days from. Others took extended vacations because their jobs just couldn't pay them during the holiday season. A lot of people struggle to make ends meet and picked up extra jobs if they could just so they can keep up with the Joneses and be seen as viable during this holiday season. And when they weren't working they were on Facebook, twitter and other social media sites wasting time.

We live in a day and age where we don't have to ask for anything. We live in a time will we don't need permission to do anything. Most of our parents and grandparents fought the battle for us, so I am at a loss as I watch my people struggle.

A couple of days ago was the three-year anniversary of my slip and fall accident that led me to be in this particular state. From that time to now I've relocated three times in different places in the United States, when from married to single, had more than 20 surgeries, went through various rehab programs and also suffered organ failure and had an episode of cardiac arrest. The only thing I lost in that time was human contact. Thanks to all my friends busy on Facebook and twitter, I was forced to go it alone. Doing things by yourself allows you to see everything!

I am thankful that I had to go alone. Even though I've gone through all the things that I have these past three years, I was able to build more than what my body was destroyed. Does that make any sense to you? How discouraging is that to see the people that you once loved and trusted disintegrate right in front of your eyes? In this era of information and data, it is hard for me to watch my generation become stagnant and irrelevant when they don't have to become this.

At one point in our history as a people, we had to ask for permission to do anything and everything. As a child of that movement it staggers me to know that in me making the moves that I have to make in order to move forward that I have to leave almost my entire generation behind.

It's time for me to move on, move forward. What I do next will be perplexing to some and possibly empowering to others, I don't know.

I don't even know if I'm willing to share that with you, dear reader because for most of you, you have the instant inkling to want to tear me down.

Some of you will probably hate me. Not because you actually hate me, but because no one likes the feeling of being left alone and left behind. But in doing what I need to do for myself, leaving this place will probably be the best thing I can possibly do with the limited time that I have left on this earth to be productive.

Tradition be damned.