Blogging While Black version 4.0

Wednesday, December 8


Ain't nothing like family. There are people in your family unit that
influence who you become. I have more than one influence, from
the way my cousin Ben chased his baseball dreams, to the way my
uncle Ed delivered on his promise to provide both spiritually and
economically to his family. From my aunts D.D. and Vivian
conquering adversity and redefining themselves to gain the power
that was always theirs, to my brother Herch, raising 6 kids,
something I can never do. Can't forget about my aunt Desiree,
everything she did was amazing!

One person that influences me the most is my Grandmother
Dorothy. I've never met anyone that consistent. Ever. Consistent?
Well, from what I know personally from what I learned, she has
always lived her life according to her faith and has never faulted in
it. Amazing. Now don't get it twisted, no one is perfect, but so far,
with no disrespect to anyone else, she's very close. She is God's
perfect interpreter, the family patriarch and head counselor. She
has seen it, and will definitely indicate to you how to get through it,
but you must have faith and pray. Proven stuff, tried and true. This
Saturday we celebrate 75 years of blessings, but we partied last
week (thank you Linda, Trice). And by God's grace, we will party
again.

I wish that I could steal all of the extra joy my family had from last
week's celebration, but I can't. I am in a heavy funk, brought on by
my Aunt's death a couple of months ago, a close friend being
murdered about a month ago and my current situation. I notice that
life doesn't stop. You get ample time to stop and smell the roses,
but you also get equal time (like an electoral debate) to wade in the
doo doo. Why the poopie doodie lasts longer it seems, I don't
know. Maybe we put more emphasis on the negative than the
positive as I learned back in college. Who knows? The one thing I
can say with most certainty is I am not happy at this particular
juncture. Haven't been for a while. And it's getting worse. So I blog.
And talk to Grandma.

I'll try some new things. The locks may go bye bye. I'm think about
the Peace Corps daily, but I came up in the belly of the beast, so I
would have to give back before I leave the hood altogether, so
seminary is an option. Problem is, I hate religion, but I know that
"He" exists. It might be time to give up on charred mammal flesh if I
want to live. Every day, I've been tempted to just quit my job, stop
writing and just go. Somewhere. Haven't figured out where
somewhere is, if you got an idea, let me know. I keep getting
blessed with good folk in my life, never asked for them, but glad
they're here. You know who you are. I try to maintain distance, but
friendships require closeness, so you know where that leads.
Yeah, that.