Blogging While Black version 4.0

As I approach another anniversary of birth, I really try to avoid those who
know about it. I hate birthdays and I do not wish that omen on others, say
that damned phrase or celebrate it myself. If you celebrate yours, then by all
means, enjoy yourself. Just keep that shit away from me. If I'm close to you,
I will respect your wishes, you can do your thing around me, just don't
expect me to wear a hat and help you blow out the candles...

For that reason (and others) I really keep to myself and don't hang out. I
figure that I can do bad all by myself, and I kind of like hanging out with just
me. I can betcha' I know more about me that you do. I seriously
disconnected a few years ago because I wanted to have all the
relationships I had to be just where I left them. Good. I watched people
feed into bullshit and garbage, I watched myself pull back further and
further because lack of communication was causing mistrust. I watched
and listened to my kinfolk complain about their lovers, partners and siblings,
who I was friend of too. And I heard it from the other side. I felt like
everything that was good was starting to crumble. Safe to say because of
my actions I watch my long term relationship crumble as well so all of my
interaction with friends, lovers and family began to become scarce.

I disconnected.


I I've been disconnected for quite some time now. I should say from the
physical, these days I just observe from afar. I do stay connected with
friends and relatives somewhat, it's just I'd rather stay home and chill than
be in the middle of something.I am not afraid of anything. Between life
threatening occurrences and disease, I surprise myself. I would have never
thought that I would have to experience a doctor telling me that I need
surgery to possible stay alive, so it ain't that. I think I know what is now. I
don't want to get hurt. Again. The reason I don't hang out or visit folks is
because I do not want to create or establish something with someone and
then have it either taken away or just eliminated due to lack of
communication, he say/she say, or the fact that I am just not liked for some
reason or another and I'm being patronized.

Something tells me to get back out there. Morning Man inspires me to write
and record, even though I haven't in about 5 years... We'll see if I'm ready
for that.