How Simple Is It?

It’s not the fact that I feel like I’ve mastered the art of moving forward, It’s the fact that some folks either don’t understand or have never been taught how to and find it strange when I say that I’ve moved on from detrimental things.

Somewhere in-between the time I moved to the most violent neighborhood in Chicago in my teens (and participating and witnessing a lot of said violence) to getting an apartment after spending a few months homeless and bouncing around back in 96 (and finally giving in to the point where I had to ask strangers for money - begging for change is the most humbling thing I've ever had to do. It also changed my spirit, I'll explain one day) I learned how to find the reason I had a hang up, realized that it held me back, understood the how behind it and was able to get over it and move forward.

I realize and respect that sometimes there is an event or a series of them that happen in a person’s life. I also know that these events can be abusive, abrupt or disconnecting and happens in a flash, leaving someone feeling helpless and without merit or value. I also know that it’s hard to understand how and why these things happen to us, especially if we’re young or are in a vulnerable position as an adult. Most times if we’ve been affected by something, some event or someone we search out the reasons why once we feel strong enough to want to know or we do worse… We suppress it.

I don’t know where it came from. Some folks have an issue with how simple it is for me to process an event or bad circumstance like a break-up or separation from a person, death or being laid off or released from a job, realize the goodness in it and then just let it go and move on. I have an answer, but some folks just can’t believe the answer is this simple:

I am not my job.

It was not my fault.

It happened to me, but it didn’t take me away from ME or the universe, cause I’m still breathing

I made a mistake and now I’ll correct it. (if that applies)

I am still alive and free. Why should I let something from the past define me regardless of what it is or from whom?

I am not perfect. I do know that as long as I keep waking up each morning (on the nights that I do sleep) I have the right to be happy and nothing will stand in my way.

In 1977, I was sexually assaulted by a deaf-mute teacher’s assistant while on a field trip. We were camping and he woke me up in the middle of the night, took me to the shower facilities and proceeded to bathe me and fondle my genitalia. He did not rape me or penetrate my person but it made me wonder about why grown folks were so curious about having sex at an early age.

A long time ago I confronted that man and he basically said that he couldn’t remember. We did discuss if he had a fascination with boys and his demeanor showed me that he did. That explained it for me, I understood that it wasn’t my fault, accepted the fact that karma had already gotten the best of this sick individual who abused my trust and got over it. It was a simple process for me. I know that worse things have happened to others and it might not be as easy to be as forthcoming, but I know that one can overcome anything if the right question is asked.

You are the answer.

Just ask the right question.

Once you understand the question, you have the sum of all of its parts, like a math problem.

It is then easier to know how the (math) problem was formulated when all the parts are there for you to see.

You deserve to be happy but you must put yourself in the place of happy in order to experience it. Nothing from the past or present, nothing that someone either said or did to you should hold you back from being in that happy place. Even if you never have the nerve or the opportunity to face your fears or question your oppressor(s), you still deserve to be free of all things that restrict you from being you.

You are still here for a reason.

You still have time but the clock is running.

You still have the chance to drop the baggage and jump in… The water is warm.

I know this. This is the reason nothing or no one can keep me from being happy. I wish I could better express it to make it easier to understand. I want to be happy with you but you have to get here so we can be in a state of happy together.

Shit, is the game on yet?