RE: Konichiwa

Furious,

I'm not mad that in an effort to rid myself of creative stickiness that I've decided to pit the two most powerful aspects of myself against each other in what would probably be a simple decision for most normal folk. I am not normal by any stretch of the imagination, so the public display of noise going on in my head for the world to see continues...

I appreciate you. I know that I don't have to wait on you to take what I am sometimes afraid to grab so I call on you to be the aggressive cat that makes the world afraid. They know you exist. I acknowledge your strengths to continue to balance things, but I must debate the fact that I am making the wrong move. All I'm trying to do is make things right for us. I know you don't want to be in Houston, but you gotta admit, it's been 85 degrees here since late February. Remember getting off that plane back in March in the Chi? You were all good until you got out to hail that cab. The 'Hawk' damn near ran you back to Georgia, didn't it?

The warm gulf weather ran the pneumonia out of us. The quiet, tree lined streets and the breeze has lulled you to sleep since arriving. Traffic is shit, but things are calm and easy here. Not like the hectic hustle and bustle Chicago has 24/7. And remember, this is not Chicago. There is so much I know you probably miss but there was a reason we left. Remember why we left.

Don't forget.

Some things are too much for your heart to endure.

The number of folks and the situations that involve them in the city of Chicago that bring tears to your eyes is a small one, but it only takes is a few. In order to accept the fact that you lived in the midst of dysfunction you have to admit that you are dysfunctional and know that you are a product of its environment, then you must remove yourself from it and start anew outside of it. You have abused yourself in so many ways trying to cope with having to live with things that would have ran some into those deep recesses you mentioned in your letter yesterday. It's time to preform the actions that'll heal you and help you move forward. That means that you have to let certain people, places and things go, and I know that probably makes you lash out. All I can say about the abrasiveness is the same things I say when counseling folks about internal cleanse. You will feel toxic for a moment because is must pass thru and be absorbed before it is released by the body.

Life ain't gravy here. Texas is a difficult place for a black man, and not being native of culture and customs makes things that much more difficult. All I ask is for enough time to heal, stack a bit of paper and get my head and my pocketbook right. The writer's block will end. The performance anxiety will end as well. The book will get get published dude, I swear. We already have record dates and flight info to complete the project with MorninMan, it's just a matter of getting there one day at a time. I am not giving up my dream, I just need a moment to set things straight and get back to optimal performance physically and mentally. We will get back on the road and hustle CDs, hit impromptu joints and perform and fellowship like we did last summer, trust me. I miss being out there as well.

We'll get there. It's just taking a little longer than I expected it would. Not that I thought it could happen in a day or from a different location...

We must find out who we really are by accomplishing things we did not know we were capable of. Taking this job and being still for a moment in Houston is what must happen right now. But this is only right now. Imagine what could happen later. Today first.

A rose can't bloom before its time
It will never bloom if the sun don't shine
So live your life, No need to hide
What's inside, cause that ain't right
You'll see what's true
Who's meant for you
Loves you for you

Stop playing games

Now you might lose a friend or two
But if you do, were they there for you?
You need to see
Open your eyes

and realize

That you're worth more
So, so much more
So, so much more
Eric Roberson



Brother, I got you.

Hassan
The Brown Blogger