To The Left, To The Left...

My thanks for the well wishes. The medication will kick in soon, then it's on.

While I was writhing in pain this weekend I made sure to clear out my Saturday night to check out the newest VH1 Rock Doc titled: The Last Days Of Left Eye. I have always been a fan of Lisa Lopes and really fell into her solo joint 'Supernova' when it finally came out. Her writing on that one right there is introspective and very sharing of her mindset in the wake of all of the madness that took us all for a ride a few years before.

I was amazed in her awareness and acquisition of knowledge and how she applied it to better herself. I love the fact that she traveled to be where her mind could be free of the clutter that confused and influenced her into doing some very negative things. She was definitely on some grown person ish the last years of her life. I wish she could have continued her missions. She had influence over so many.

I heard about the documentary she was filming during the last days of her life and I never thought that the films would ever be released for us to see. I applaud her family and producers for letting us know her truth, even if it is 5 years after the fact.

The controversy over if the film should be released and what actually happened during filming is running ablaze all over the internet, is the major focus of office chatter and in IM conversations . I wish that we would sometimes take what we see, process it and then attempt to learn from it before we get our blab on. What I saw is probably not what you saw, but if you saw it, then I'm sure you had an opinion. Just know that everything shouldn't be sensationalized. Even in death, Lisa Lopes is still on the mouths of folks in the hood. She even spoke about an incident involving the initial press conference for TLC's last album 'Fan Mail'. She basically felt that she would still be the star even if she chose to no-show. Matter of fact, she no-showed and became a bigger star and the focus the the group's latest endeavor in doing so. Pre-calculated sure, but Left Eye always knew how to make us want more of her.

If you don't know, Lisa was heavy into numerology and astrology, and had many a premonition and dreams involving 'spirits' that were chasing her. She felt that the universe had an order and Karma and the natural selection of how things should be will one day adjust thru the involvement of one's life and what would either happen or wouldn't happen. She swore that even though she felt at ease with herself, was giving in every aspect of her being that eventually the spirit would catch up with her and adjust accordingly.

On the day before her own life ended, she hit a young Honduran boy and he slipped into a coma and eventually died hours after due to his injuries. Lisa 'knew' that death had the wrong person and even said that death got the wrong person. The little boy's last name was Lopes.

She paid for all of his family's expenses and helped prep the boy for his funeral and burial.
She kept the shoes he died in.
While holding the shoes in front of the camera, she mentioned that death chose the wrong Lopes.
She also shared a dream she had the night before about her being on another plane.
The last week of filming, she totally lost control of filming, her guests and the overall vibe.

She knew

The next morning, she wanted to drive the whole crew she came to Honduras with to a spot to get shots of the countryside with the film crew. From the look of the documentary they made it to get those shots and then hit the road.

Her brother had a cam in the front seat of the truck she was driving and filmed the accident. They showed footage of this up to the moment of impact. It had been noted that the whole thing was shot, and a while ago audio was released from the video footage, so there is additional video of the accident, but the documentary was tasteful enough to only give us what we need to know for our own understanding, and for that I am grateful.

The one thing that will haunt me and make me smile in the same moment is the look Lisa had on her face mere seconds before the crash. I have never in my life seen that look on anyone's face.

Ever.

Lisa Nicole Lopes was at peace with her existence, and damn if I know, I think she knew. Not probably in that particular moment, but it's an old Klingon saying: "Today is a good day to die!"

The look on her face and her overall vibe that day was just that. That and "Today is a day to have no regrets and I have no enemies and no undone resolutions". I got closure on the understanding it takes to write the incredible album 'Supernova' is. You might not like the overall vibe or the track selection, but I urge you to cop that joint and listen. As a writer and a cat that records, I struggle to have the clarity in writing her emotions relays in that project. There should be more artists with talent like Left Eye had.

As I sit here on the mend, I hope and pray to any and all that is sacred and holy that one day I can get to the place she was with herself before I leave this place. I struggle with the overall satisfaction in the quality of my life and what I'm doing with it to be effective in finding my place of peace every day. Most times I'm disappointed in where I am and what I'm doing, not to make an impact in other people's lives, but the impact to me. I need to ensure myself that I have done something to contribute to the betterment of someone, something or just some____ in general. In my 36 years I haven't even made a pencil sketch of my charcoal masterpiece, so in today's affirmation of who I am and what I must do to be useful before I'm flower food I pledge to be more aware of the forces unseen so I can do what I can to avoid ones that are distracting and draining and gravitate towards the spiritual that can help me define us by helping me define myself by giving more of me, my time and what I can from my wallet.

I now have yet another blueprint in Lisa on how to get there.

Five years removed and she still amazes and impresses me. There are few that have done this and they know who they are, I've written about some, there are a couple that inspire me to continue my creative journey. I hope to amass a list of these folks so in my last moments I can feel the sense of completion that Lisa and those others had and have, make a complete rundown of em', smile and leave much quieter and with less drama than I did when I got here.

Ya dig?