To The White Meat

I'm am not hating on TV.

But I am hating on that new poli-sci talk show spin shit that has seemed to take over basic cable. You see, when I'm not working on my pimp hand, smacking digital farts and blips all over Southwest Houston hustling for that paper so I can buy a few shorties some dranks during happy hour at the trap in the middle of the week or practicing my krumping, I gets my chill on trying to find out who's tryna shut down the streets and cancel out my club banga joints via divestment by scoping out a little MSNBC and Fox News Channel. Friends close, enemies closer, right?

I mean, what's a thuggalectual to do?

So after watching some of that boolshit, noticing that my phone didn't ring from these cable newsjoint hustlas offering me a little pimping as a talking head, in the spirit of straight hateration because game supposedly recognizes game I decided to hand out some virtual bitch slaps of my own to a couple of cats that straight wasted my time. I probably missed out on some foreign tourists bankrolling a hotel party on a bootleg handbag hustle or something. You know how them ghetto bourgeois negroes love to keep the tag on fake shit just to show the next African that they were able to buy some shit.

My first ever DigiBitchSlap goes out to Bernard McGuirk, who finally decided to come out of his stank-ass cubby hole to accuse the Rev Al Sharpton for 'helping' him lose his job.

McGuirk called Sharpton a "crude ... opportunist, a race-baiter" who campaigned against Imus to help his own career and raise his profile. While McGuirk acknowledged that "these words did hurt these girls," he added, "until you, Reverend Al, got involved, they probably never would have heard of it. They would have probably never, quote unquote, got scarred for life until you got involved for your own self-serving interests."

You opportunist grill wanting, platinum blood diamond iced chain company investing, jewelery wearing wannabe, fried-chicken-and-biscuit recipe coveting, monkey, ape, baboon name calling for lack of better verbiage, wishing you had big thighs for fast-running and three hundred sixty degree basketball dunking tan getting ass bastard bitch of a man. You make it hard for regular folk to take caucasian cats in those type of power roles seriously. You have a rich culture, a decent education and make work and take pleasure in making others that aren't in your demographic look to be less than where you claim to be with all of your former bandwidth and radio airtime, influencing your fans with racist bullshit and repelling the ears of my people for the past few decades. You had the perfect platform and got that ass fired over 22 minutes of a over glorified nigger joke and have the mitigated gall to blame your understanding of what to say over compensated airwaves on Hip Hop culture and your unassumed responsibility on Al friggin' Sharpton.

I heard the shit y'all smeared the day Ed Bradley died. So did a lot of us. Some of us, Charles S. Dutton included have our ears to the streets. Your ass is being tracked. Your next job will be working to balance that bigoted ass on more eggshells than a hen house on a million acre farm.

Smart fucker you are. I'm glad you don't practice law, there'd be a lot of inmates yearning for you to commit a crime and get caught so you can drop the soap. You're lucky this shit didn't go down in the gulliest of the gully. I hope to see you in these streets one day so I can nose up to your punk ass and tell you that you can't match me cause my style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable and shit, I'm just ferocious, I want your heart, I wanna eat your children! Straight Tyson shit.

And then, I'll bitch slap your greasy crank ass to hell. In front of your kids. Who's the 'ho' now?

Unemployed fucker.





My second fingertip crack to the tip of the lip is to the Rev. Al Sharpton himself. I am appreciative to you for all that you have done for the struggle, but at times I wanna get all Alonzo on that ultra permed ass and call you a disloyal, fool-ass, bitch made neegra for giving into some race-baiting, made for television bullshit. You even argued the fact that there was money to be made in a forum like that when H&C urged you to shut the fuck up so they can go to commercial and begin the next segment as 'round 3'. Why in the fuck did you even show up to that shit? All money ain't good money your holiness.

Dammit Rev, what would James Brown do?

Probably prevent you from getting over to the Fox studios by busting your head to the white meat with the heel of his Stacy Adams sliders. I know I would. Take this open-hand bitch slap to the mouth like a man, reload and get that ass back on the front lines and get to some real shit like we need you to be on. Fuck this TV shit and use that law degree and your income potential to get some test scores up by putting competent teachers that give a damn and a few extra computers in classrooms. Plus, I know a couple of my nephews and nieces out there on straggler patrol that need book money for next semester. Purchase some stock in a few media companies like you said you would do and get back to that late sixties shit and influence a few cats to make a record where my sisters ain't gotta pop, lock and drop it to get brother's attention.

Luckily my pimp hand is mighty strong mon, my shits would be hurting with all of these repeated slaps and thangs. Making me mess up my manicure, but no ting. Me lick a shot for dem who fear the real speak with no remorse.

Nuff said