When Change Is Just The Stuff Jingling In Your Cup...

I have always made attempts to make positive change in my life.

I listened to my elders to make sure mistakes from the past weren't made
I've surrounded/eliminated folks based on the amount of change needed for my overall success
I've traveled and put myself in places and have broken bread with folks for that same success
I keep tweaking my plan, criticizing myself more than others
I never turn the console off, I save the game and try not to hit the reset button
I keep learning

In my years of being here in this life, in this moment and surrounded by these people, places and things I have to admit that I've grown tired of certain folk and their ways. The majority is scared and they don't want to make change to make things better. To them, things are fine the way they are.

I read the comments online versions of the major newspapers let the casual reader make and if I were never convinced before I am truly a believer that I live in the most hateful, racist demonic society in the history of the world. I'm sure that if a surf was resurrected he or she would argue. I'm also sure the spirit of a dead slave (Kemetian or of African descent) is looking at me right now as I write this with their lips twisted, but... This has to be true or a whole lotta' Americans hide behind a net persona and talk a gang of ish but...

What would spark this type of behavior, even if those words, opinions and criticisms are false?

The heart never lies.

The fact that I live in a so-called community where every black woman, including my other half is angry and condescending when speaking of 'the black man' disappoints me. I could beg all of my so-called sisters to not be angry at me or to be a little patient because the past is not indicative of future performance but that falls on deal ears. I'll always be marginalized by my own first before anyone else, and that is an immense pain that causes discomfort and creates distance.

The truth of the matter is that most of my brethren form line bruz to the cat on the other bar stool wishes in vain that our sisters weren't so preoccupied with mentally and emotionally paying us back for something some of our good for nothing fathers, uncles and grandfathers did to their mothers, aunts and grandmas way back when.

Which leads me to white folks.

Wait, Let me get back to them in a minute.

I have at least two handfuls of black men that I know that are punk-assed do nothing ass pseudo hard working, womanizing ass 'brothers' raised by either a single black woman or in some cases actually comes from a two parent household where mother dearest ain't nothing but an unsatisfied bitch of a woman (attitude wise, and these days she admits this!) that feels some sense of entitlement from the baller section of niggerdom and fusses about the lack of baller-brother participation all the damn time but never realizes that they either never tried to go after said ballers in our community because they thought they were less than (based on how they were raised), or just settled for the first decent cat that actually cared or gave a damn about them so in that case, the black man in that home is not head of household, he is just a snake-bitten figurehead with no equal power based on the both of them settling instead of spiritually or emotionally achieving equal ness in being yolked. The hate and self-loathing is evident and a black man is raised in that environment devoid of spirituality and respect for the black man or woman in general.

And you wonder why that young man goes out into the world as a womanizing ass, underachieving, good for nothing punk?

Now imagine what kind of lady little princess turns out to be when she gets grown. Just throw a dub in there with the singles as she slides down the pole.

Looking for love in all the wrong places because punk-ass parents raise punk ass kids. This is my peer pool.

Now, back to white folks.

Why must I have to explain everything to you? You already understand because it is you that changes the rules as the game goes on. The Rev. Wright situation proved to me that whenever you wanted to make change, you just blissfully romp in your ignorance and use external forces (see: the media) to make things seem like we made the change and the truth is that we're still getting pennies and scraps from the table. Black folk came here and were not christian. We learned everything Jesus from your evangelists and in the days of slavery, black ministers had to receive hands on training from the white church so the words and phrase used in sermons and such were to the point where we knew we were not free.

So when white scholars introduced liberation theory at seminaries across the world why wouldn't our own scholar ministers flock to these institutions in an attempt to properly apply said theory to the black and brown masses once we got to freedom's door? Even though we are STILL written off as three fifths of a human being in our grand master documents of law and justice, the majority continues to mention that we are free. The bible and q'uran also mentions that all of God's children are free and black ministers, imams and rabbi have been able to for a couple hundred years now have been preaching and teaching this. Hell, Pat Robertson, Billy Graham and John Hagee preach and teach their own version of liberation theory through the body of Christ and no one says nothing of the hatred, separation and judgement taught by these so-called gentlemen but when Jeremiah does it...

You act like you don't know and get offended.

So I ask the 'hard working, working class white person':

Is it okay to worship your god as we were taught, or is there a double standard in which my people and I are forced to live sub standard in every way, shape and form in this country? Your numbers are dwindling. You are afraid to let someone that does not look like you take the helm because you're afraid that you won't get the opportunity to get it back. You're afraid of losing your land, jobs and money, and you don't want to talk about the methods, ways and rules used and established by your ancestors that have us in this state because selected memory has you blissfully ignorant.

Keep pandering to others outside your borders when your own needs help.
Keep ignoring the Mexican and African descendant.
Keep hording and hiding history and religion.
Keep telling us that the past is not indicative of the present/future and lying about it.
The end result won't be pretty


I live in world of double standards, with people that use policy and religion to perpetrate fear and folks that hate themselves so much that they will raise entire generations to fail. I want so badly to be free but I live in a barrel with a bunch of crabs...

Live in a land where the goal line moves on first and goal...

And spirituality and religion is used to hold people inside a fence of fear.


All folks (black, white, Latin or Asian) aren't this way but the vast majority of folks let fear, ignorance, hatred and lack of spiritual depth hold us to the substandard. And I am pressed to improve myself to achieve within this realm.

I'll never get it right.

If that's the case, I'm on my way to being divorced, lonely, penniless and separated from God with bastard children that hate me and then themselves as well as those that don't look like them.

At least I'll be a part of a voting block that'll elect the next president. That's all I'm worth, right?

Fuck change.