You...

                                                                   
                                                                 
                                                                 
                                         
What is it that you do to keep me in curiosity?

How do you weave that spell, conjuring up unrelenting interest from








all the way over there?









It was your convo
I saw your passion
I got to read your mind
I felt your words

And then I met you.

Your fingertips blazed phrases in my direction,
translating interpretation
of said words from your soul
into newly defined adjectives
of what you want your life to be.

All you had to do is ask
and I could have proofread your living journal,
edited myself into your diary, cutting, pasting
crafting short tales of satiation
and long entries of salvation
with a slew of stories about happiness
that would make the ornery blush
and the dignified jealous.

Your momma could have read it and smiled.


I knew that you've placed emotion
that you cannot direct
at the presence of a human void
into the children you yearn to mold,
yet your shape in the scheme of things is illiformed.

I'd like to dig my hands
with the help of my mind
and the focus of my spirit into your clay,
make shapes that will serve as foundation
and probably build a home.

In the spirit first.

All I could ever hope for is dialogue and prayer.
Maybe we can take the leftover alphabet
and unused phrases
and build a bond of trust
that neither of us would ever want to violate.
Assemble bridges based on faith
and then
cross over into newfouldland
whenever you're ready to model your new outfit of self.

I hope it's form fitting.
2008 Hassan Olumoroti Ntimbanjayo  -   Sho Nuff! - Ya Dig?

Damn Idiot Box... Or Damn Idiots?

My foolish ass listened to CNN last night on my XM joint as I drove...

the 'Black In America' joint I already held as suspect because of who put it together.

I'm not disappointed but that was bad TV right there, even though my wife and cousin in Cali told me over and over again that ol' girl the host (half Cubano/half Irish and non-related to the hood) was connected to us...

Yeah, she was a deer in the headlights and black folk randt (yes, that's a new word I made up) her stank ass over with sorrow and struggle.

I've struggled. I've been in sorrow but...

That bullshit I listened to last night does not represent me. There is more to my beloved family, friends and even enemies that look like me.

Utter bullshit.

Like we need to be presented to America like some anomaly. People already know us. Let's not let a bi-racial presidential candidate paint us in a corner where we feel like we need to be re-presented to the rest of the world like we're some secret or something. We ain't never hid ourselves and no one has to hit the reset button like we just popped up. We've been here and we are Americans. And we have triumphed and succeeded a numbers like you never know if you were never taught. And we are only 12%. And that's down from being damn near 40% right after slavery.

Respect yourself.

If you do, then folks won't continue to get tasered to death, or shot 50 times while unarmed, or our blind grandmothers won't get tasered or shot in her front yard and the folks that get away with it won't get away.

And quit being mad at Sharpton, Jackson, Madison and others for trying to do for you because you're too lazy to stand for yourself.

A question:

Why is it we push our elders to the side and other cultures just don't do that?

It seems that I've heard more folks tell Jesse to step aside and that he's too old and is outdated when he JUST pushed legislation to get the mortgage industry to get back to focusing on us. Interesting. John McCain is 71 and 68% of a new polling audience (which include black folks in said poll) said he is more presidential than Obama because of his age.

No respect for the black man or woman. No respect for ourselves. Fools we are.

And now you let someone outside of the hood put a program on TV that objectifies us?

Then God damn us.
God damn America for that matter.
God damn being 'Black In America'.

We continue to damn ourselves. It makes great TV though.

Ask Flavor Flav.

Or Soledad O'brien.

Same shit, different channel, right?

Close Your Eyes And Listen

because it doesn't matter who the messenger is...




Sometimes you just gotta hear the message.


And then do something.

.

.

.

There are times where I wonder why I even stopped myself from ending my life.

Sometimes.


There are other times where I love being here and can't wait for tomorrow.

I am just a man.

I make decisions that affect other people's lives now and I hate that I have such an influence.

But I want to have all that I deserve and can afford and sometimes, that's a lot for one person.


I am not a nice person by choice.

I can only think of a few that I actually trust, and one of them ain't my momma.


I have shitted on a few and have been shat upon by 95% of those I have chosen to open my life to. In some cases, I have gone back for more.
Shit is a waste material that is devoid of life, how can I continue to survive in this universe on a diet of feces?

Suffering is a part of growth, growth is a part of understanding the essence of end results of suffering. Some of those I came into contact with are better off on the other side of the sufferage extended to them on my behalf.

When is the right time to smile in the midst of hardship?

How will folks interpret it?
Am I meant to smile?

Is everything supposed to be struggle?

The one thing I know is that my happiness is dependent on my internal satisfaction of how I deal with the universe.

There are so many more external things on this plane that can invade the darkness in my soul and can transform them to light.

If I shine on you, will you use that light to see?
Or will you hold your hands up to block that light?

What happens when my flame flickers and goes out?


Maybe I should stop holding my breath. I might need a little air to keep that fire going.

Something has to fuel the struggle.

Just know that the fire inside will never make me someone you can get along with.
The light sometimes hurts my own eyes.

And sometimes, I'll do something for the greater good that just doesn't seem to make sense.

At least that's what it seems like to me.






Whatever...


I could be wrong, and half the time I usually am, but does that make you right?

I Spent My Weekend With...

(Little Bruh and I)


The Kids In The Hall
Immortal Technique
Jay Electronica



Murs

(us pictured below, talking campaign finance between sets)

(Cop that new album and register to vote!)



Rakim w/Kid Capri as his DJ
Redman and Method Man
De La Soul
Mos Def
Dead Prez

The reunited Pharcyde


and



closed things out




A weekend well spent rocking the bells

How was your weekend?

An Open Letter To All My Niggers... I Hate You

There wasn't supposed to be a blogpost from Monday.

I'm not angry at The New Yorker or the artist. I should be but let me explain something.


If Bill Richardson who has Mexican blood running through his veins were the presumptive nominee for the Democratic party and the satirical drawing was of him wearing a sombrero and there were border and stereotypical Mexican items and objects in said drawing, how many Mexicans including companies, special interest groups and immigration advocates would cry foul?

If Senator McCain were depicted in a POW box, door cracked open, laying in his belly, head in hand as he worked a crossword puzzle with VC guards in the background chilling while other US troops were seen in the background strung up... Would we have heard a word or two from his support base?

Well...

I'm angry at the so-called negro in America.

You are so used to being disrespected that you (we) let this happen. Again.

How much longer will you let yourself be disrespected in America? See, the rub is that even though we make up only 12% of the population here, damn near 80% of the news shows us in a bad light. Black folk have never made up the majority of welfare recipients but let corporate media tell it...

Black folk currently have a 3% unemployment clip...
Black folk have a high rate of undergraduate participation...
Yeah, we know that 1 out of every 9 black men are incarcerated but what about the other eight?
Even though we make up a little over 10%, how is it we seem to be the cause of most of America's ills?


We let certain parts of the media tell us that we aren't shit.

We let them.

Whenever we purchase certain products and services
Whenever we keep the TV on
Whenever we go see a movie
Whenever we purchase a vehicle or buy fuel for it
Whenever we listen to the radio

We wanted to be equal to white folk and others after slavery so badly that we sold our souls in order to stand with them, and we let them say and do things to us that have been way beyond fair and balanced.

And for the most part, the struggle lives on.

The cover of that magazine was actually a joke on the masses that believe those things about Senator Obama and his family, but how many got it? I was listening to Bev Smith's radio show the other night and she asked a brother who proclaimed himself to be educated and applauded the release of the cover to the public and said that people got it. She asked him to speculate how many folks percentage-wise using America as whole how many he think 'got it'. He stated that may 30% (and that was being generous) actually knew that the joke was on them. So she asked about the other 70% that just could not get it. You know, those of us who have never purchased this elitist, left-wing publication because nothing about its layout, articles or ads or other satirical covers are catered to regular, working class adults and the brother stated that he just did not know what kind of reaction the 70 would have.

In a age where we let TV, marketing schemes and hearsay tell us what is fact or not it doesn't take much to get others to believe rumor, hearsay or gossip about someone, something or some movement.

20% of Democratic voters believe Senator Obama is muslim.
68% of foreign born, registered voters believe he is not a patriot.

Wait...

You ain't even from here and you get to determine who is patriotic based on TV coverage, rumor and innuendo?

Yeah, and black men are lazy and irresponsible.
And all black women are whores
And fried chicken, watermelon and anything with high fructose corn syrup are deal breakers
And we can shole' score some touchdowns
And we are dumb as shit and cannot articulate the English language

I can go on...

It burns my ass that we used to have a movement, and 'black pride' was not a phrase that would set off telecom indicators to record your cell phone conversation due to it being terrorist in nature. I am disappointed to see shoulder shrugs when it comes to the word nigger and false and untrue information being disseminated to the rest of America when it comes to black people.

Nothing good is worth having if you don't fight for it.

We stopped fighting for ourselves a while ago. Right after we had that glass of Kool-Aid, them 3 fried chicken wings and that Newport 100.

We finally have achieved complete nigger status.

We just let anyone old someone disrespect us whenever they want to. I guess the itis kicks in and we get too tired to fight. The fact that some ministers, churches, lodges, fraternities and sororities, urban development organizations, a few politicians, publications, cable news outlets and celebs of all types being on the payroll to niggerfy you has finally paid off.

So to all of you niggers and niggas (I didn't forget about you n.i.g.g.a.s.), boss bitches,baby mammas and babbydaddies, real mutha fucking G's, O.G.'s, playas and macks, to the pimps and hustlers as well as the hard working brothers and sisters, single parents, diligent, hard working African-Americans, elders and those in the black community I forgot... Thank you.

We as a whole will continue to let a small chosen few dictate to us who we are as a people and think nothing of it as we shrivel in numbers and die without a voice. That saddens and disappoints me, but for the most part, most folk won't even care. You have a choice in this matter. Overstand that you are free and can do something in your freedom to demand the respect you have earned in time and duty and as a descendant of those that built this.

We worked too hard to be treated like this. The real question is do you care or have you given up? If you have, then I need you to go somewhere and die quickly because you have become nothing but dead weight on my back because I am free and will continue this fight.

I will not let high fructose corn syrup, sizzurp or lean for that matter, nicotine or pork, THC, sickle cell anemia or diabetes, fancy spinning rims or fresh crispy T's, new Jordans or iced out chains, remarkably bad hip hop songs from unproven rappers with no learned skillset, handshake deals at a conclave or boule, six figure job in the form of hush money, big booty hoes, prescription drugs or overlooking friends who graduated from high school with me 20 years ago screwing a 15 year old, corporate financed preachers and politicians, bullshit publications in the name of hip hop, restaurant advertising campaigns, malt liquor or any new hard liquor related product marketed by some rapper, internet gossip and rumor sites as well as falsehoods spread over the web via myspace, facebook or bullshit blogs, or even hip hop and R&B radio stations that play the same shit 100 times a day, corporate owned cable new networks or even the dudes from the barbershop distract me from knowing that I'm free and doing what I can to live and thrive in that freedom.

If I am alone, the the rest of you are collateral damage. I'll just step over you and keep moving forward. And I should. You push me and I'll pull you. You fall and I'll pick you up. You refuse to get up and I'll let you stay there if that's what you want to do.

Do something, I dare you to.

Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.
-- Goethe

Worth A Thousand Words

Sometimes, words just will not do. I'll be back later with my diatribe, you can trust that.

Until then, what in the hell do YOU have to say about it?
Remember, this is a left wing rag.

Focus

The world is still the world, no matter what type of dressing is put over this rotten salad. I never knew that salad dressing could distract one from eating a whole meal. Back in the day we used to push the salad to the side and dig into the main course. Back in the day there was no cable news or internet either.

From the end of slavery to the great depression, African Americans went from illiterate and ignorant to doctors, lawyers, politicians, writers and musicians that still influence us today. That is almost a 70 year cycle in which a civilization of people went from nothing to something. It is the biggest turn around and development of human socialization in the history of the world.

And we're letting Fox News and things of the like pretty much reverse that?

Wow.

I say what I mean and mean what I say. If I get caught saying something in private I'm unapologetic and need not explain what I meant by it. Jesse got caught and should not have to answer to anyone for his statements. 54 years as an OG in civil rights and if I'm not mistaken we were all on his jock when he was the only 'Black Leader' that spoke against the Bush administration when it came to refinancing bad mortgages. He also challenged congress to pass a bill (that got to the floor and passed) to re-fi and protect folks in foreclosure. Jesse was wrong in what he said, but this has nothing to do with the campaign. Jesse isn't the only leader in the black community and does not speak for every black person. Quit treating him like such, acknowledge what has been built by him and others, hold them responsible for their shit, move on and stay focused on the election this fall and get people registered, informed and motivated to make change.

Sheeee-yit. Focus, people

The economy isn't really that bad, but a looming crisis is not in our minds. Phil Graham did John McCain in with the working poor that thought about voting for him this fall by saying that there is a 'mental recession' as opposed to it being really real. I lived overseas and when fuel and food prices went up the people did not eat or drive. Don't complain about gas and diesel while you stand at the pump. Understand that small business make this country run. Remember Bio-sphere?

Knee deep into the bio-sphere experiment (which is a closed ecological experiment) it had to be shut down because unseen micro organisms died off which meant larger organisms could not grow or thrive. Think of our economy in the light of a closed ecological system. Small unseen micro organisms (small businesses) support larger ones, and if they fail, the larger ones (big oil, tobacco, banks and pharmaceutical companies) adjust by taxing mid sized species (the working American populous). We can't end the experiment, we have to resuscitate the unseen micro orgs by stimulous. That means more deductions and removing easements that prohibit lateral movement for the small business owner. That also means equal tax breaks and lower rates (just like congress gives to big business) should be given to small businesses as well as ease in acquiring land and unused spaces for said business to operate.

The government gives you a $0.58 cents per gallon write off when you purchase fuel to drive to work.

You get to deduct a portion of your rent, mortgage car payment, office supplies, travel and dining if its related to work or business.

I could go on, but if I tell all the secrets I'd be complaining about gas prices too.


As long as you stay unfocused and uninformed, you will complain too. Keep talking about what Jesse said outside of that news cycle and watch John McCain take the white house. Instead of stimulating the entire economy, get back on point about stimulating the smaller businesses.

You have everything to do with that.

Get back on point people.

Are You Awake? She is... And So Am I

Sorry to disappoint but there is nothing bad to report about my marriage here.

No fighting.

No arguments.

Nobody left or for that matter planned on leaving.



A couple of weeks ago I put it out there that I thought my marriage was going to fade like Mike Tyson would say - 'to Bolivia'. I asked you guys how can I save my marriage and I even suggested for the good of my wife's well being me stepping aside.

I meant that.

I got a ton of personal emails and so did my other half. The missus gets a lot of negative email from a certain portion of her readership that wants to know what spell she put on me to have gotten me to commit to her (specifically) in the first damn place. My email as well as the spouse's on this here blog were supportive and informative.

That ish right there leads me to the answer most of them sisters (and a few misters) are looking for. Fear.

See, my wife is trying to shake doubt, fear and frustration and some folks can help project that more than others, I respect all of those that responded either by blog or by personal email, or by myspace and facebook for that matter. I appreciate yall's concern and I really do listen. My frustration with my other half's frustration was clear to me and she was clear in her frustration.

Those things get worked out. Most things that happen in our relationship happen at the Ntimbanjayo compound, and this was no exception. We never discussed my post or hers in detail. Matter of fact, I got home a little late off the road and the night of our anniversary we went out to the spot where we had our first date and had a few drinks, a cool dinner and got some sleep after some cool ass pillow talk.

Just like every other night.
I'm speaking of the pillow talk.

Things have been mostly regular around here, but I still take exception to my wife telling me everything but her thought of giving up a few weeks ago. I had to read those thoughts on her blog. The only thing I urged is that she indicate to me the times she gets frustrated. Just let me know first so I can act on it. I understand that I get pushy and am so detail oriented that I will cause the average cat to clam up, I just don't expect that from my wife, so she got called on that.

I know relationships have ups and downs so this doesn't phase me in the least. I will keep pushing and stay on top of her (even though she likes to mount me... she's a bouncer) because we have work to do. We love each other and choose to be with each other good or bad. I know that I can come off like a cyborg sometimes, but this is my marriage. This woman is my life, the best thing to happen to me and I will not let frustration take over our marriage so when I don't know I will come to y'all because based on the reading of blogs that I do, some of y'all have been married and most still are.

I also understand that actions are clear and concise. Getting to the promised land means budgets and balancing, time spent as well as financial planning. There will be late dinners as well as late payments in the struggle to make things work between two people from different backgrounds making house and making babies to fill said house. I am unapologetic in my goal to make my wife happy. If that means after trying every which way but Sunday and agreeing to disagree than that's what I'll do.

That's my job as a man.

Know this. If you tell me that you want to have a great life and you want to share that with me then know that I will hold your feet to the fire. Know that every action is supposed to get us there and any reason we cannot get there is an excuse. To have a great life time must be spent building that and I will not let work, bills and outside family members get in the way. I understand that in order to run the compound we must work straight jobs and claim a paycheck but there is an entrepreneurial spirit that lives in my heart and in this relationship that can provide all that we need. I will not let the "I gotta work to pay these bills which means I gotta spend more time away from you/us which means we won't talk as much or have dinner and I forgot to call cause' of work so you misunderstood what I meant - wait there's another bill so I need to work more or get an extra job to cover that expense which means more time away you... Sorry" mentality take over my household.

Waaay too much talent and desire to stand on our own as well as history of being independent of how society does it businesswise in this family for us to fall into that work thing now. Waaay too much at stake to stay fallen on the ground. I expect a stronger presence in my presence and we will not fail. Sometimes I will ask for your help in not letting us fail. I don't live in a cloud of fear and neither does my wife but we both reserve the right to get tired and cry for help.

To answer the questions emailed to my wife, that's how she got me to commit to her. She stood when a lot of you (and some of you I know or know about) were either not willing or were too weak or muddled in excuses to stand. I can accept that from some but I also can see who wanted to get up when they were knocked down. At the time I was looking, the woman who became Mrs. Ntimbanjayo was standing and the rest of you...

Well...

Wake the fuck up.

Sometimes I might be required to wipe a little cold from her eyes. But that's what a husband is supposed to do. We all ain't built or equipped to take on the shit. I was built to muddle thru it and fight it off because I see the light at the end.

Some folks stay asleep and still can't even dream of what we see. For those that fall into that category, I pray for you.

You snooze, you lose. I'm an insomniac.

I have something to live for, and I'm willing to fight the entire universe to stay alive.

Nothing else matters but life. For those that continue to lurk here wishing us death, well... Death will come onto you and I hope it's swift and merciless. Oh, you thought I wouldn't address you? I see you when you come here and you wish us to fail. Sad, I went damn near two weeks not blogging and you were tuning in to see failure on the regular. Daily.

I mostly pray for you.

Death doesn't live here, so take that shit somewhere else, aiight? Matter of fact, keep coming back, and keep sending email too. We'll show you how happiness and life is done, seeing as you like to lurk.

For the rest of you... Thanks. Love goes out to y'all.

Ahhhmm Num Num Num Num Num!!!!

Okay...

Things are well, everything is fine and I'm being lazy as hell.

I'll post about things tomorrow. Right now I'm working on a taco salad at this Flying J truckstop in Waddy, KY.

It's good too.