What the hell am I talking about?

Rant Alert:

Sometimes it feels like you're in it alone.

It feels like the whole world is crazy as hell and you are the only one with an ounce of sanity. I wish it wasn't the thought that crosses my mind sometimes but it is.

Sometimes.

I know I've been all over the place recently and that was not by design, it's just that damn busy round' here. Between working and creating there is no place to display my stuff any more. That used to be here, but things have changed. Every now and then I'll throw something up here (and it might be old stuff to keep me from letting the world see the new stuff) and I'll do it as catharsis but other than that, no new material makes the blog any more.

See, I got married and some of the new stuff might make my other half either blush or get mighty uncomfortable to the point where she might have to explain stuff over on her blog, and my intent is to not invader her space. Every now and then I might venture over to her place but for the most part I rarely go there. We sleep in the same bed, I don't need to check in on the internet to find out what's going on, but every now and then...

Like a handful of weeks ago I had to read that she was frustrated and wanted to give up, something we never talked about. That happens. It has happened in other relationships and I paid it no mind but this time it was my wife talking to the world because she felt that she either couldn't come to me or if she did it would force me to push her away or not understand her emotionally. I can be a cold-hearted son of a gun sometimes because for the most part nothing surprises me any more. I've experienced a lot of bullshit in my short 37 years and I know where to put bullshit these days and function within my sanity and normality.

Most people can't do that, and that kinda frustrates me. A little.

I know that the reason Obama has a short lead over McCain is because a lot of folk just can't bring themselves to vote for the black guy, no matter what the circumstance. I've witnessed folks vote against their own interest 20 years ago.

I know that there is a visible gap and distrust between the brothers and the sisters and also our elders. It seems that we complain about not being able to find a good brother or sister and for the most part never really look beyond the surface but for some strange reason we can still have sex. I know that intimacy is built outside the physical and then it heightens over time with the connection of commonality, spirit then the physical, so why doesn't everyone else know?

I know that common sense ain't as common as most would like to think. I keep hearing horror stories relating to health care and the lack thereof, and I keep hearing about the 'imbalance' caused by our dependence on drugs and how we revel in drug culture. We contribute to a failing health care system by putting the things the death merchants (fast food, birth control, hormones, caffeine, pharmaceuticals, tobacco) want us to put in our bodies and then run to doctors to get more drugs not meant to cure the problem but prolong the sick.

I know that we continue to drop the ball when it comes to standing up for ourselves. We have the right to form a militia, the right to bear arms and the right to freedom of speech and the right to protest non-violently. I also know that we as a people (the working poor, minorities, women, etc) have not stood for anything regarding fair housing, equal school funding, police brutality/racial profiling and the like. We let a presidential administration and a do-nothing congress let damn near 30% of all big businesses not pay taxes while the employees did, cater to pharmaceutical companies and big oil and march thousands of our troops off to an unnecessary war. I guess we don't really care.

I know that we have to pay the bills, but I have yet to read on those celebrity gossip blogs how to take advantage of the new tax laws and increase out detectability for FY 08'. How it makes sense for one person in a married couple to stay home to reduce the taxes damn near 30% because a two income home is taxed on two separate incomes and a one income home isn't and how there are 3 times as many deductions as well as additional credits available ( for each dependent as well as writing off 40% of rent, fuel and the car payment) which means a large end of year return, reduced costs and the availability of a parent regulator at home with the children which saves money on daycare and brings a sense of much needed discipline and family closeness to a household. I think Alyson and Langston can speak on that one. Folks be crying broke but can still fill up that gas tank.

I know that we have a communication problem with each other. All we have to do is talk. With the advent of cellphones, text messaging and email, I'm sure talking across the dinner table has been replaced with funky emoticons and fancy symbols.

I know that folks like Lil Wayne have replaced cats like Chuck D as role models.

I know that sex feels so good to my young sisters and brothers that folks still ain't wearing condoms to the point that your jump off will jump you the fuck off. Right onto a permanent regimen of AZT. Which means if you're dipping off on your spouse or significant other you can commit murder with your sex organ.

I'm just rambling at this point...

But I feel like I'm the only one that knows stuff like this. I get frustrated and bored with everything outside my lil' stretch of reality because this existence just doesn't feel real. But not anymore. Sometimes it's just best to stay indoors and not touch anything. And that's sad because I used to love getting out and exploring.