The Trade I've Made

I wake up.

After my shower and I shave my mirror reflects my me.
He is older.

Slower.

I try to see the wise but my mishaps, mistakes and misnomers
hide any shade of knowledge born.
I frown and feel life's pain as it shoots thru my knees.

My hands no longer straighten out.
My pinky toes are now numb

everyday.

And I realize that I lean closer to said mirror because the great
old reflection is so out of focus.

My squint gives my face a father's curious look.


I wonder about my children.


I worry about grandkids because the world I made is too cynical.
I try to cry but the ducts no longer make the tears.
It feels like my heart is heavy but that's just a slower rhythm

Maybe the blood just doesn't pump enough oxygen to my brain
My thoughts mash with my hopes.
My dreams stay fuzzy, making it hard for me to remember them

I have no focus.

All I really want is to stay alive, but sometimes...
It might be better if I can rest.
I debate the permanency of when I'll sleep and the only thing that bothers me

Is the fact that my emotions have been invested

And it's a recession

And I've been told to wait it out because...
Change gon' come.
But how long will I have to wait?
It's starting to hurt too much to be patient to trade

But I do.

Not because I'll be able to climb to the mountaintop.
Not because I will see my grandchildren get free.
Not because I'll have that spot on the porch by her.

Nope...

I'm waiting because I'll grow a year older.

With her.



written on the fly with love and wonderment of what we have 12~23~2008

Hassan Olumoroti Ntimbanjayo - Sho Nuff, Ya Dig?




Enjoy your birthday, Yobo.