My Day Of Reckoning

I think about dying a lot.

I've been thinking about how and when I die a lot lately.

I try to think of what value or worth I have to the ones that are close to me, I don't see much. Now more than ever I feel patronized and emotionally coddled by those that don't want to see me snap the fuck off and do something stupid (in their eyes).

Things are terribly normal.
I am home every day, not a good thing for a traveler like myself.
I have been writing but nothing worth posting here or anywhere else for that matter.

I read blogs and news on the daily and I have no political opinion on anything. America is still very racist and are going thru buyer's remorse with the current sitting president one month in.

I literally live around the corner from the first family and 3 people were murdered in this area in the last 21 days. Imagine that...

I have no clue about my motivation in living in the midst of madness. Black people are sick with hero worship and even the spiritual have grossed me the hell out waiting with a hand out (as usual), looking to a person that can only inspire them to help themselves.

Change comes from within, fuckers.

Remember something family: The same folk that ignored our suffering, dying and drowned in New Orleans during Katrina are the same folk that ignore us now. Imagine the death and destruction due to lack of privilege. Broken promises and no shows as folks shopped and stimulated Atlanta, Southern Cal and NYC. These are the politicians of non action, criticizing the current stimulus bill asking for a tax cut for the top five percent.

And a lot of the 60 percent of the voting populous that put the current sitting chief executive in office really believe that having our troops overseas bringing democracy is more important that having them home. Defending us.

And no one wants to reinvest in our homeland. No one wants to share. Everybody hates the new welfare state. A bunch of corporate welfare recipients judging us, not willing to share but willing to criticize. I am beginning to hate living here in the midst of madness.

We are have nots and the well to do's have never given a damn about us.

And I live here.

As I move to change all things around me to benefit my existence it seems that everything and everyone else simply refuse to do anything regarding real change.

Whatever man.

And you expect me to want to live in this bullshit?

I am so ready to meet my day of reckoning...
I also look forward to seeing those meet their day as well, even if it is by my hand.

It has to be better than this.