I Think I'm Done

• Facebook closure... CHECK
• Twitter logout... CHECK
• Blog wrap-up... CHECK

I write. A LOT. I just don't think it's anything I'd like to share anymore.

I really love where my life is at the moment. I am satisfied with things, even though I keep dealing with death and sickness. The finality and destruction of things teaches me that this is a cycle. Life itself of this plane of existence s just a circle.

I remember when I started truck driving.  I didn't have an eyeglass prescription or a GPS... I started wearing glasses and bought a GPS in 2007. A couple of years after I started seriously driving cross country, I attempted to function without my specs recently... and I couldn't.

I could not see, but I remember when I did, and very well. And I remembered when I didn't use that damned GPS to get from Jersey City to Compton... On the interstate... In a truck.

I want to go back to that.

There was a time not long ago when Blogger and Facebook did exist, but I was not in it. 

There was a time not long ago when the matriarch of my family wasn't all twisted up on her left side because she didn't have a stroke.

There was a time where I didn't have to stand with doctors and discuss me signing a DNR form.

There was a time where my mother did not see her deceased mother as much, pondering her own death.

There was a time where my wife thought she understood my heavy burden dealing with life's shit, but she really only empathized.... And never really understood.

There was a time when I just went to sleep and didn't give a minute to pondering my own death.

Death and sickness is all around me. It consumes most of my time. There is no blogging, twitter time or facebook play, although other people find way too much time to dive right in enough not to ask me about my day...

Because they avoid not only the reality of social standing, politics and fake-ass religion, they avoid the reality of the time we actually have before death or sickness drops out of the sky to get their asses.

So as much as I want to take the time and share my shit, I realize that it's only that... Shit. I mean, really... I get a good amount of hits on this forum and I even have a nice handful of folk who follow or RSS this blog and I appreciate that you stop by but... I know in the reality of things that I'm just weekday cubicle fodder for most. I help you waste away the day like a whole lot of other bloggers. While I never write to entertain a mindless mass, I thought I'd share... And I have.

Know that my life is no joke. Yours isn't either.

Since I started bloging in 2004, I've shared a lot about me. I never provided names or detailed shit out of respect to girlfriends, partners in crime, classmates, co-workers even enemies because they all deserve respect, and I feel that I have given that. I even had an relationship-esque episode that I absolutely have not talked about right around mid to late 2007 because the past is the past. Even though she brought and continually brings me up. Methinks I awakened something back in December when I made reference to some folk my wife and I dealt with that caused the innernetgossipfolk to stir some shit up. 

Funny thing is, when I'm thru with bullshit (the ordeal became a he said she said) I am thru, and this is the first time I officially actually addressed shit since that time. I'm sorry if you thought I was talking about you because I wasn't. I left that shit alone in 07' I really did. You have the right to be angry at me because I cut you off while I owed you money, but I do not owe anyone, including you an explanation. My actions were my actions, you don't have to indict my wife so get offa' that shit. You and her were truly innocent in my dealings. I did notice (because I never did look back until December when folk were EMAILING old blog passages (along with my December rants) from both me and you... Imagine that?) that you painted her and another person wrong when it is me you have the beef with. I see that you're still angry and you have a right to be. Keep them energies on me, not anyone else. I have no anger or beef with anyone because I saw through all the bullshit kinfolk told me after I got back to Chicago. And for the record, I've always thought you were cute. That one line you threw in there about not being beautiful, please cut that shit out! That is SO not cute.

See, I was involved with some folks and it turned into bullshit. I feel like since this should be my last blogpost (and that's how things got started, thru blogging) I'd address thangs. I did. That's all I got.I'm done. Bullshit has happened before. Will probably happen again to someone else. Whatever man. Might happen to your ass when you get personal in your blogging and other people try to get into your shit. I just maintain that you keep it moving. Trust me. At least no one in my current or former circles faked death to evoke emotion from the Brown Blogosphere. If you don't know about that one... My name is Bennet... And I ain't in it. Ask around and do a little research on that one. Some of y'all old heads remember that foolishness.

I think because how my life is full these days that my regular blogging thing is finished. I really feel like there isn't much for me to give these days. Maybe I'm wrong, but my writing has gotten very unfocused and all over the place, well what I've delivered here and it might be time to do other things or do things in a different manner. I love the connections I've made through this forum, and I really don't want to leave... But I feel like Twitter is a better forum for me (even though I haven't tweeted in a minute) because you only have 140 characters to get that shit right. Control seems to work better for cats like me. That and it doesn't take up too much time.

I guess this would be the time for me to announce that I have a radio show in the works, huh? Oh, and none of that BlogTalkRadio stuff... I'm talking about syndicated stuff (because money from commercial sales and affiliate marketing is real nice) that'll make me visible. I don't like the concept, but I signed on last year to an idea that is finally launching in the next quarter. Obligations.

Writing and speaking commentary are two different things, huh?

I am so shameless.

But know that what I really want to do is have more time. Time to continue travelling. Time to raise babies into adults. Time to deal with life. I gotta take care of my parents now like they have me. I have to deal with siblings like adults, very unlike freeze-tag and fake wrestling. I gotta' deal with my wife, invest more time into my equitable partnership (and let her mother know that she can only be a spectator and not a player). I have to care for the sick, fallen and the ill. I have to attend more of my classmate's funerals (one last week, another next). I have to complete my Holistic Health Practitioner designation so I can better understand how to unfat and decholesterolize (I'm making words UP in here) my family and friends as well as myself.

As much as life drags me down and burns my ASS.... I wanna' live.

And that may require less blogging and more doing... Other stuff.

I think I'm done.

I think.

.