We Ain't Going Out Like That Mane...

Not by any means, even if I wanted to, I just couldn't go like that.

I realize that in some instances, I cannot take my ball and just go home. I was reminded this the other day by one special person in particular and a few from a great distance that still hold me close that both they and I blog for ourselves, and it is cathartic. It helps. It lays the mind's thought patterns out for it to re-map myself, nuff' said.

I also understand that folks that come here understand some things about my mindspill and relate them to their own. Commonality in our uncommon ground actually makes a reader or two actually overstand what the hell I share in this very public forum talking in the form of about my private shit.

I am not troubled or in a rut, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I just didn't like being in the middle of family drama playing out while certain family members were ill, leaving me with the upkeep of caring for their immediate family member while I have my own issues to deal with minding for my own. That and work, home life, death and taxes...

I had to get the hell away and I did.

A funny thing happened on the way to NOLA last week... I stopped in Mississippi to meet a couple of dear friends. Schedules got jacked up and I ended up sitting in the sun for a spiritual moment and I got a long, quiet nap. My head started to clear.

I never wanted to write about the same things, whining and complaining every damn day. I never wanted to be on the hook for someone else's life if it wasn't my momma, pops, wife or child. I never wanted to look at my life and say that I wasn't enjoying it because I was worried about superficial things... I began to worry more about 'stuff' and less about living, so I detached.

I reopened my facebook page and looked a time or two at my twitter feed. There are quite a few folks I would absolutely lose touch with that I just don't want to if the social media thing ends for me. There are also a handful of folks no longer with us that I need to 'see' every now and again as well. Not ready to close those chapters yet, and no one can make me.

I also overstand that I myself am an intercessor for a few and I pledge to never stand down for those who need me. I absolutely cannot disappear from from those that have held me up when I was too weak to hold my own. I was wrong to shut folks out with the social media feeds, because some of y'all to include myself at times just aren't reachable by picking up the phone or walking around the corner.

I've been in New Orleans since the middle of last week and don't plan on leaving until the middle of next, and the warmer temps, the seafood po'boys and the music has rattled me back into reality in realization that certain folks spirits intertwine, and certain bonds are never broken. So I picked myself up, enjoyed my time with new, special friends and family and can now see beyond petty bullshit, family drama, healthcare reform and other political dramas based on racism as well as business dealings.

If you do what you enjoy, the money will follow. And so will the opportunities. Sometimes you just gotta break free of the self imposed restriction you've created in order to properly function with the dysfunctional.

And plus, I really enjoyed watching T-Pain's 'Freaknik' on Cartoon Network the weekend before last. I gotta cop that book: 'Behold A Pale Horse 2: The Black Donkey Edition'. Everything you need to know about the Boule, Tavis vs Rev. Sharpton, the Obama Conspiracy and whether health care reform actually passes either thru deem or reconciliation is in that book. Yeah, and if you cop that joint that from me in the next 60 minutes, I'll throw in a non water damaged bungalow waiting to be moved into somewhere in the Lower Ninth ward, right here in the NOLA. Untouched since '05.

I'm giving away free snowballs too. My ice machine is working today baby.