I wake up mornings knowing now that some goals will never be accomplished.
It just is what it is. Nothing is perfect, nothing lasts forever ya' know? I've never been the guy to scare easily but it just hit me a couple of days ago that my current state of health and my plans on working with, around and pushing this disease around determines how much longer I live.
If I do nothing and keep the same diet (which is pretty light in the ass right now whenever I actually feel like eating) then it's probably a wrap in 24 to 36 months. Just add dialysis and mobility issues. What the hell kind of life is THAT?
Yeah, I plan on doing something. Matter of fact, I've been a little proactive in how I treat myself by taking courses/classes in naturopathy and herbalism. That's the new direction, green. I figure after damn near 4 decades around the sun immersed in soul food - fast food - genetically manipulated - instant grown foods was probably too much. I knew back in the day before I got all gaunt and sickly that the human body wasn't designed for what I've done to me.
I just hope I get a chance (like 40 more years at a minimum, right?) to reverse all, no most, some of the damage Ive done to my pancreas, kidneys and liver by eating like a damn billy goat.
There is no guilt or anything, just pumping my brakes in order to get my ish together and live... Eating to live. I know now and accepted the fact that I can't eat and drink like I used to. I sat for a couple of days and teeter-tottered over trying to eat clean and then 'treating myself' to alcohol & sugar and the like and then I thought - it goes against everything I've learned and applied so far with vegetarianism.
For a moment it snapped my neck and made me pause when I knew that going vegan and totally detaching from the standard American diet version or vegetarianism. I didn't want to go so far down the green hole that I couldn't enjoy 'stuff' until I realized...
I am going to die because of what I put in my mouth, so I decided to go green. That's right, I'm embracing vegetarianism en route to going vegan. I set up another blog to journal my experience. Check me out over at
Pray for the folks around me...
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