Hassan's Pre Pride Weekend 'Coming Out' Announcement

At one point, my best friend told me that I was in a 'rut'.

Funny thing though, I never actually feel like I'm ever in 'ruts' or ends up stuck in something. Everyone is entitled to a dry spell of sorts. I think this most recent episode with me is that it was self imposed.

Sometime last year, I decided that I wasn't going to get all poly-sci with y'all anymore. I figured that there was much more for me to blog about as some random Af-American cat trying to make it do what it do in America.  I mean, I got married, took myself off the road and successfully started a business. I figured that there would be TONS to talk about here in this forum.

I was wrong on a few points. I'll explain in a minute.

One of the things that kind of drove me away from blogging on the regular is that some of us through blogging picked up the notion that because we were blogging and talking about certain stuff ad-nauseum that we were experts in the matter of, well... Whatever we were blogging about. So not true. I started to find a bunch of folk in newspapers, online forums and of course on facebook and twitter dropping more so-called knowledge than Morpheus on Neo. Their blogs themselves became almost unreadable. I think what happened when there was a more honest, open account of Brown Bloggers blogging back in the day (circa 2003-2004) is that no one politicized simple opinion.

Then Barack Obama ran for the office of president.

Since then, so-called pundits, opinion makers, simple bloggers and talking heads unleashed a sustainable wave of hate, dislike, lies, slander, racism and just plain untruths. Some made money by loading up affiliate marketing API on their sites, others sold ad space and some other took to forums like BlogTalkRadio to further get their points across and cash in because some folk on both sides of the fence started making money uttering and typing bullshit.

I still wanted to be the self-centered bastard that only wanted to talk about my flaws and whatever satellites floated around the self-made planet that was Hassan. To me that became unreadable and I truly understand. Once I settled down and got off the road, there was no more scandal and heartbreak (whatever that means) that I could involve myself in. Even though there was one person angrily blogging about me (and rightfully so due to my actions) and two others through facebook and such spreading rumors and gossiping about my marriage through facebook status updates (one is actually a fb friend... friends close, enemies closer, right?), the popularity that was once this blog waned (thank the lord) because I would not give into politics, bullshit, gossip and hearsay.

There was even a point mere months ago in 2009 where I was angry with a close friend and my wife and I cryptically blogged my angry thoughts to them and it was misinterpreted by my former, angry blogging friend. I shrugged my shoulders and kept it moving by not blogging because I just didn't have the energies in engaging in an online battle. Of words. What was done is done and there is no going back to fix broken things once they were left in that manner. Time slips away and I felt that walking away from unnecessary conflict was the right thing to do. I never looked back even if hindsight told me that I should have. I normally stick with my decisions albeit difficult sometimes.

So in the last year or so where I've totally gotten of the socio-political blogging bandwagon a lot of things have happened. Racism is alive and well and is a focal point of all things politics because of the election of our commander in chief. Race politics is also front and center in most of the rules making committees because certain folk feel outnumbered and afraid and want the way they did things back in play. I guess the systematic outnumbering of the native peoples from new settlers from Europe and the like becomes meaningless in the history of how the continent becomes...

We learn from history.

I never wanted to repeat or regurgitate what so many others have and are doing with their blog platform. I also didn't want to play into certain folks rumor reports with me putting what I would normally think a blog would be used for: My many disagreements with my wife, my life philosophies as taught by history and my elders, life plans for this black man and his family and how I am to execute them in the midst of the over politicization of every damn thing in early 21st century America. Why? because it would be me putting my business in the street for the sake of getting folks to read it.

I never want or wanted to one-up anyone. Not my goal or purpose, but it seems that for the most part, a lot of folks blogging plays into some sort of life's game where the only point to post anything is to compete against someone who's goal is to outpace you. Well, I know that life is no game. I also know that for the most part, a lot of folk of color aren't fully equipped to play the game because we're short of vital game chips needed to place a proper wager. Some of us fall short of overstanding the intricate, finite rules of playing the game because they were never issued a handbook. Bootleg copies do not count because there's always something missing when you half ass things.

I am not here to compete with you. I also have no desire to overstate gain, loss, disease, sickness and the hills and valleys of my relationship. This here is my forum to speak on shit I know. I also sometimes need to express frustration, anger and to ask folk very common to me how they do what they do so I can gain better understanding on how to do mine. Some of us have completely cooned the fuck out just to gain attention from cubicle dwelling gawkers that will contribute nothing more to their lives (or yours) than a giggle, hand clap or even a junk mail e-forward because they were entertained and not edified. I never wanted to come off as shucking or jiving. I think by not blogging, I managed to remain dignified.

But I also missed blogging and connecting with the very folk I used to build with, so... I guess in a sense I can say that I feel comfortable with me blogging here without emotional or situational censorship. What does that mean in English? That I might visit and post to my own blog more often.

Am I hoping for a ton of traffic? Nope. I ain't selling nothin'. I can only count on one hand the bloggers I respect and read that have transformed their love of writing and being introspective in sharing what happens on the other side of their monitor as real and true. The rest of them... Well, remember when folks got all up in MC Hammer's grill for 'selling out' to PepsiCo? Well:

It's funny how money changes situations
Miscommunication leads to complication
My emancipation don't fit your equation
I was on the humble, you - on every station
Some wan' play young Lauryn like she dumb
But remember not a game new under the sun
Everything you did has already been done
I know all the tricks from Bricks to Kingston
My ting done made your kingdom wan' run
Now understand L. Boogie non violent
But if a thing test me, run for mi gun
Can't take a threat to mi newborn son
L's been this way since creation
A groupie call, you fall from temptation
Now you wanna bawl over separation
Tarnish my image in your conversation
Who you gon' scrimmage, like you the champion
 

You might win some but you just lost one...

L Boogie - Lost Ones

Yeah, I'm coming out... Out of my so-called 'rut' and back onto my blog typing whatever the hell I want to write..

Because I can.

I do like how I avoided that one urban bloggers conference appearance because I lacked regular updates and heavy op-ed styled political material... Some of us have better things to do.