It's funny... I was just speaking with my friend Whitney this morning about finding an assisted-suicide doctor as to eliminate myself from the suffering.
No, I'm not emtionally in dispair, I just know that I am not as strong as Roger Ebert was. He publicly and somewhat cheerfully blogged about his illness and subsequent surgeries and treatment and still had a zest for life.
Publicly.
If his cancer battle is anything like my battle to live a somewhat 'normal' life with blindness and organ failure, then I admire his strength in suffering through it. I know that his wife Chaz was right there every step of the way and maybe that;s the key. This is something I do not have.
Doing this without either a safety net or a support system is suffering in itself.
No one should be made to suffer.
Absolutely no one should be made to suffer alone. At least with a tormentor, one has something to bounce pain, happiness (as twisted as it sounds) and emotion off of. I think about peaceful ways to go every day but just don't have the strength to make it happen by myself without it being very violent and making a mess.
The one friend I do have won't help me and Kervorkian is dead.
Well, I haven't checked Craigslist yet.
1 comment:
**heavy sigh**
i have no words of encouragement. i don't want to negate your experience by telling you there's a brighter day tomorrow cuz i don't really know if there is. i couldn't bestow sunshine upon you anymore than you're willing to see it.
i have a -virtual hug- for you to say that i wish you didn't have to experience loneliness. your brighter day is entirely up to you.
hugs and sunshine kisses...
NEENALOVE
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