Blogging While Black version 4.0

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Freedom is a road seldom travelled by the multitude. I remember it
as a sound byte and a printed phrase. Public Enemy would used
snippets like these to raise awareness that their tapes, wax
records or cds were not just for the head nod. Now that my
comprehension level has been elevated, I know now what freedom
truly is, and I realize that I just got free.

I never knew what it took to have complete control of 'the what'. I
did not know that it took total immersion into that same 'what' and
avoidance of the people, places and things that drive you away from
whatever your 'what' is because folks are scared to do the damn
thing themselves, too deep in their conditioning or the surroundings
are not conducive to you achieving whatever your 'what' is.

So I just let go.

There is no spoon.

Sometimes I can just cry. The fact that I let freedom slip through
my hands for so long makes me say... damn! I know that the
creator has given us everything we need right here. I know that we
have everyone in our lives to make us happy, sometimes we choose
the wrong people to be with and around, and the influence can be
deadly, like a virus.

This the third year in a row that I haven't spoke to my brother on
his birthday.

I finally released guilt that i've been holding in due to causing my
ex-girlfriend's sadness and pain by my actions. I asked for
forgiveness earlier this year from all, but my cries fell on deaf ears.


I drank a beer with one of my brothers from another mother last
week. We haven't spoke since April. We probably won't speak again
for a while, but we ammended what broke the brotherhood.

I avoided going to jail Friday by entering a plea bargin. My financial
irresponsibility to the county and state almost earned me 8 months
in the pokey. Pay your old tickets, fines and taxes man.

Being free is a road travelled by few. Freedom is the ability to
glorify the creator by action and intent. I just learned how to be
free, and it consists of doing... Swallowing one's pride and doing for
Him and not for yourself is not easy, but I am willing to dedicate
the rest of my life to try...

My happiness was at an all time low. My freedom to come and go as
I please was almost non-existent due to the fact that my drivers
license was suspended. God made sure for me to see what I really
had in friends and resources by taking most of my material
possessions. Friends I considered family turned their backs on me.
Contact has been lost and has not been reestablished. I lost a good
paying job and took a lesser paying one so bill paying (and eating) is
an adventure. I now live alone with limited everything. I fell in and
out of love this year... and after all of that...

I'm still here. And now that i've let go, I am now free. And all of
that stuff, money and people I didn't need. I am at the tip of the
iceberg that is my happiness. I'm not there yet and there is much
for me to overstand and set into action, so here comes the hard
part...

living my life like it's golden
living my life like it's golden
living my life like it's golden
living my life like it's golden
living my life like it's golden
golden.

I'll need a little help, y'all. You game?