More food on my plate, but I ain't full...

I am really feeling the creative bug now. It definitely hit as my time and schedule opened up. I love the fact that the change of season is affecting me in a good way as well. As I never get sick or catch a cold, I welcome the cold weather months with open arms and the desire to really lay down some soulful ish during all this downtime at the crib.

I hollered at my guy Mornin Man and after careful consideration him and I have reassembled our old rap outfit the 'Underground Movement'. We recorded a bunch of soulful, militant material from 1993 to 2000, but I retired from the game feeling irrelevant and out of touch lyric wise. It's 2005 and the one thing I never stopped was work on phrasing and breath control. I'm a better lyricist, and after listening to some of the stuff we recorded back then it seems fitting that we drop some new joints as well as the old on these shorties lacking knowledge of self thinking Hip Hop's sole purpose is to inform them on new ways on getting illegal paper and turning that ish around and tricking it off on booty. We gotta do something.

Bambaata raised me better than that.

Kool Herc would not be proud.

As a purveyor of the mixtape, the Cold Crush Brothers would be ashamed.

Moe Dee taught me that God made me funky.

Lawrence Parker schooled me on edutainment.

It's go time...

We discussed releasing new material, so I'm writing it. We should be dropping a CD in the next few... whatever. There's even talk of going to a major to get the project released. I've always been against a record deal, but something tells me to go ahead and just do it and see what happens. As a writer, I'm not willing to give my stuff away like the neighborhood bustdown, unaware that independent labels and methods of self publishing exist. Maybe we need a label to push our stuff right now, and with me having so many other irons in the fire there seems to be a need for a major to assist with marketing and distribution. Plans this weekend include to pursuing my man Bari (Urfman to you) to contribute as a member of the group. We need balance and I think having a partner on the mic will give our endeavors some added hotness, a different aspect of thought materialwise and keep us both sharp. Dude is a dope ass emcee and I believe wordplay between the two of us would be on some next level ish.

Already started, and it's feeling good right now.

Man, I'm like 6 songs deep already. Who got hotter beats?

Oh, did I mention that my weekend so far is super nice?

More Serious than Steady B

see my eyes and know how serious I am...
and the fact that I haven't shaved!!!




It's funny how things happen in your life. Like how you have conversations with someone about something, and it manifests. Things are happening like that for me. I see that I got a little too deep about the Millions More Movement for some, whenever I get non response I usually blow it off, but I did a litle track backing and found that a lot of people actually came thru (thank you) but only some of the homies actually spoke on how they felt. What I was trying to say was:

My life has changed.

It is still changing.

I wanted you to know.

I also wanted you to know why and what I planned on doing about it.

I planned to write a whole series on the movement and how it affected my life, but I see I got to keep it gully with y'all. This is the only outlet for my outbursts... never mind.

I bring this blog entry to you today from the batcave. That's right, I'm home early due to me getting fired. That's right good friends, as a result of having bad information and passing said info on to the client, a brother got the axe. It's cool, now I can flip the night job into day work and still get free cable (think, exactly what is that second job?). I'm already taking calls from candidate corporations that'll make me think about keeping the tech support gig on the overnight shift.

I am very happy this day. I feel that with all that has happened to me in the past couple of months and weeks that this was supposed to happen to get me closer to where the Creator needs me to be. I have a whole new way of seeing things, a whole new group of friends, associates and contacts that makes me I feel that I have been directed to move torwards a way of life that corporate America cannot help me provide for. I'm going and not looking back, I got shorties waiting that need me right now.

I'm tripping (in a good way) on how when God wants you to do something, he puts you right there and we start adjusting, fighting things if you will. We are so afraid of the unknown and change that we resist the direction and blessings that are planned for us. I had a dream that I'd lose my job right after I complained about not having enough time to dedicate to establishing my non profit.

Presto/change-O !!!

I have the time. Funny how resources popped up as well. What is also funny as hell but real in it's scope, the fact that God has delivered someone to hold my hand and travel down this new path without worry. I'm flabbergasted... but not worried. More on that later.

It's More Than a March... It's a Movement

I have been moved by the spirit of the Millions More Movement. Moved enough to explore myself that much deeper. I encountered tons of folks that really gave me that love vibe, I also ran into some that had the 'nigger mentality". These people attended the march, but spent most of their time nitpicking and criticizing the event and speakers. I will not go any deeper on these folks; they do not deserve my time, energy or words.

I will examine myself to see what nigger qualities I have so I can rid them. Stay with me here, this might get ugly...


Freedom cannot be utilized by a nigger except as an opportunity to destroy himself and be an obstacle to the progress of Black people. Niggers view freedom as something to be feared because freedom is about taking responsibility for one's behavior, one's future and one's destiny.

I thought that moving out of the city would be freedom to me. I see that I failed in my thinking that moving away would cure my ills. I need my people, and I need to interact and give back to the community that raised me. The fact that I earn a good wage and I should recycle my dollar back into the hands of those that support me service wise is evident. I have a responsibility to those that gave to me. I must move back to the city to build, not separate and destroy.

A conscious nigger is a person that realizes that nigger mentality is a sickness passed down from slavery, but is too lazy or apathetic to struggle against it. Conscious niggers have given up on struggle and have deemed it easier to live by maintaining a close relationship with hard core nigger values.

For 3 years, I have watched the struggle of my people and have been critical, but have not moved to offer my hand. This as right now has ceased. I already crafted a plan to go into business for myself, and am also crafting a business plan to start a non profit organization. I will no longer keep my talent to myself. I will no longer sit on the sideline and watch us struggle, knowing that if I don't mobilize and get into action there will be no example to follow.

Nigger consumers never consider the power of the dollars they spend. They never consider making it a priority to support black businesses. Nigger consumers never consider the importance of saving or developing financial discipline. They don't use their dollars to support Black institutions, such as Black colleges and universities. Nigger consumers want to appear affluent by purchasing items like expensive cars that they cannot afford instead of saving money to purchase a home or invest in a business.

By leaving the big city and residing in the suburbs, I can literally see where my dollars go. I offend myself for letting things get this far. I am now saving funds to purchase a home next year, so I am more conscious than ever as to where my dollars go. I let go of my new car earlier this year and purchased a hooptie with cash. I have since fixed and continue to custom out my ride, thing is, I still do not come close to the damn near $1300 monthly I was spending in note, insurances and fuel costs. That was more than my rent! I opened up 2 investment accounts, and plan on having a business opened in the hood by second quarter 2006. My nigger mentality on spending money is what drove me out of the hood, and I used to wonder why it looked the way it does. Silly me. I never invested there, so it cannot grow.

Religious niggers naively believe that they are seen by the world as just a believer in their religion, but most people take into account one's race before his or her religion. People would respect them more if they knew that they loved and followed their religion but also loved and supported their people.

I have no platform when it comes to subscribing to religion. I have been Catholic, Baptist, a member of the Nation of Islam, and flirted with the Nation of the Gods and the Earths. I am no longer a member of any of these faith based organizations. There have been some that I even distanced myself from over the years. I believe in the Creator and all that he has given us. I have studied and respect many a religion and have no beef with any philosophy. I go to church, mosque and synagogue to learn and celebrate. I never gave thought to working with people of other faiths until I saw how we came together Saturday. It is imperative that I establish connections with my people and others that are struggling to uplift and make us stronger. The African Diaspora is vast in cultures, I need to make a better attempt to learn and understand as well as work with those that may look like me and those that do not. I just got the fact that the Native American, Latin, Asian and European man have a lot more to do with my culture and why I'm here than I originally thought.

I have to make sure that my Godly ways inside manifest themselves outwardly. I must become more aware of my purpose and the specific actions I must perform to be an asset to my people.

The call to establish various ministries that Minister Farrakhan spoke of has been forged in my memory. The sound of his voice resonates in my psyche and I'm stepping forward to do my part in establishing my part in the movement.

I just need to escape my niggerisms first.

Highlighted text are observations of nigger mentality as seen by CC Blackman

Me at the Millions More Movement

I really wish that I could put this experience into words.

I am still knee deep in emotion and have been assigned a newer sense of purpose.

I knew that the Creator blessed us that attended with the ability to fellowship, but at this level... Wow.

I am saddened that I went alone, but I am glad that I experienced so much in a small frame of time by myself. I had something to learn. Mission accomplished.

At the beginning of last week, I had plans to roll out to DC. I was renting a van or truck and had confirmation that at least 3-5 of the fam was rolling, complete with child. I was pumped up. I'm like ROAD TRIP!!!

Tuesday came and it looked like I was still rolling with 2 others. By the time Thursday night rolled around, I haven't heard from my last traveling buddy, so I booked a flight that Friday morning, dreading how much more I was gonna pay.

I hot one of those discount sites and booyah! I got a fare. I got to DC for less than $150 round trip, and had the hotel option that would put me right at $200. Sweet.

I lived in the area back in my Military days, and when I got off the plane, everything came back to me. I was home again, but something was wrong. I was alone and I felt it. I noticed that it wasn't as crowded as I remember or what I expected it to be. The airport bus let me off at 7th and D Street, and I couldn't even hear anything. I was pissed.

I whip out the camcorder and started talking to this sister who went to the University of Maryland but had a little trouble navigating. We had convo... It was cool. I gave her some directions after we broke ice about her father's art. Cute too... wait, not my mission, but all of a sudden I started to feel better about being alone.

I came with a backpack and one of those lawn chairs that folds and fits in a shoulder strap bag. I outfitted myself with 2 days of energy bars and ready to drink protein shakes. I had 2 changes of clothes and my gear for the club as well as all of my necessary supplies. All of this stuff fit in there with ease and wasn't heavy. I was ready to roll. I had my digital cam and a camcorder and I had damn near 300 exposures to use and 3 available hours of video. I was ready. Or was I?

So I get to the mall on 7th and it felt like getting out of a freezer into 100 degree heat.

People.

Were.

Everywhere.

And we just kept coming and coming. I was immersed in all this blackness and love. That's the first real thing I noticed was the love. Brothers and their tightly wound cornrows and flowing fros. Sisters and their locks, braids, beads and oils. Headwraps and bandanas, wristbands and sandals. All kinds of cloth, from silk, to chenille to mudcloth. Cowry shells to barrettes. All of these people had love in thier hearts and I was overwhelmed by it all.

Never in my life have I shook so many hands, gave that much dap, gave and received so many hugs to and from people that I did not know. Never have I engaged in conversation with children, peers and elders that went on and on about the struggle and triumphs of being brown. I held and played with babies that just came out of nowhere. I was struck by the love. I secretly wished that it would never end. Or at least happen every weekend.

The Black Panther Party for Self Defense represented. Hard. In large numbers. I was impressed with their discipline and focus, and to know that they congregated from all over the country and assembled in DC as a show of unity and force is dammed impressive. I was frozen in fear and awe just seeing that many of my Native brothers and sisters, and when their Chief Speaker laid the smackdown on the crowd promoting unity with the Blackman and telling us in the same breath that he respects our faith in Allah and God, but it was time to put all the praying in the background and put actions we pray to have the strength about into action, I knew we have the O Dog to out Caine. To see our Native cousins celebrate with us was amazing. I felt the spirit mend whatever differences we had and re-marry us in a ceremony that had a lot of cool ass guests.

I must have walked from the Capitol lawn to the Washington Monument at least 5 times in an effort to snap as many photos as possible. I was stopping people on their way and asking them their name and where they were from so I could get my own video roll call. I must've stopped at least 100 folks and asked them all kinds of questions, everyone was wide open for fellowship and convo, like trying to get to know cousins at the family reunion. You know what I noticed? Even the kids were cool. I didn't see one instance of a parent correcting his/her child. Must've been the vibe.

I was amazed on how the crowd latched onto Tavis, took in Cornel West's short verse. We cheered Marion Berry and his wife. Susan Taylor looked radiant and got an oooh from the guys when they put her on the jumbotrons. She was rocking that pink! Russell Simmons got a rousing ovation when he spoke of financial preparedness, but the party got started when Wyclef came out. Dude rocked the freestyle in French and En Espanola and hit us with a little carnival. I'm dancing with strangers.

Erykah came out and chastised us.

We needed that.

From her.

Minister Farrakhan's daughter intro'ed him with the same fire he has.

The crowds kept coming. The later it got, the more people came. Some of us seemed to have learned our lesson in past years. Everybody knew that the Minister would speak at a certain time, even though he was scheduled a little late. Guess what, they bumped India.Arie and his wife to get him onstage before sunset. I've been to many o sporting event in my day, but I never heard a crown roar when the jumbotrons showed Minister Farrakhan approaching the podium with his security detail.

I know that this is standard for the Minister, but the way his entrance happened was badass.

I got sooooo much more to let go...

Haven't even started on politics and bullshit...

VANGLORIOUS!!!

I felt like royalty at the Millions More Movement.

Check the pics over to your right

We'll talk all about it after I get some much needed rest.

I wish you could've come with me.

One Day At The Market

He's shopping, getting groceries and being consumed in himself at the same time. For some strange reason, this is the time to rearrange and purge files in his mental rolodex, unaware of the surroundings; the thought process goes from tuna to taxes in mere seconds. He is being watched.

The irony of him in the produce isle being viewed won't hit him until his drive home, as he measures fruits, melons and such he is also being measured. Eyes meticulously segmenting characteristics and visible flaws, putting them in their respective bins. It's determined that he not average, slicker than your average maybe. He seems comfortable in this environment and purposeful in gathering what he wants. He has no visible list, but is observed looking upward, eyes rolling up and to the right. His knows what he wants and is very direct in getting it. He goes right where he needs to go and move towards his next item without haste.

Is he being judged based on the selections in his cart? Maybe. She knows that he is oblivious to the external at this moment, and his method and meaning can be determined just by watching him shop. She watches him walk down lanes measuring his strength, observes his thought process as he sorts through various fruits and vegetables and critiques the manner of how he carries himself. She's measuring him for more than a conversation; she had already given thought to much more. Her though process lingers on what kind of morning vibe he'll give upon arising after a standard night of dinner, chores, pillow talk and spooning each other to fall asleep.

She knows that she cannot answer all of her questions without interaction. Her satisfaction of the unspoken need is being met through voyeurism. She needs to hear his voice so a plan must me made to make him speak. She needs to make eye contact in order to see how he addresses a woman. She needs to know how he would treat his mother from how she is to be addressed. At this point she knows that the method of his touch can either make her either physically ill or remarkably wet depending on his method, so her approach is calculated. Time is always a factor so she must act before he finishes gathering all of the items on his list.

He makes his way to the dairy freezer and grabs a half gallon of skim milk. "Good" she thinks. Small bags of veggies, lots of grains and skim milk as well as an empty left ring finger not only means he lives alone but that he's also conscious of his body. She notices that his shirt is tucked in and that his belt is carefully lined with the zipper of his jeans. Yes, she's peeping the bulge. His wears an openly unzipped windbreaker top matching both his jeans and shoes. "Neat" she's thinking. "An organized man. He is aware of how he's seen. Outgoing".

She walks up to the opposite freezer door looking to make eye contact through the glass, thus keeping distance and getting close enough to really experience his vibe. She was not prepared to take in his scent. It freezes her in a manner that one would enjoy, but would also be embarrassed because she was giving a blank stare into an open freezer, and she wasn't checking milk expiration dates.

It wasn’t because he made eye contact and spoke on the other side of the glass that she couldn’t hear him, she was too fixated on the thickness and moistness of his lips to make out any words coming out of them. He showed concern as he closed the door and made his way to her. She didn’t move. He came closer. She couldn’t breathe. His arm extended to her as he continued to speak valuable, but inaudible words…

Getting Grown... Continued

Click Me! Buy Me!



Wow, I'm Learning a lot about what brought some of us over the threshold into adulthood. Thank you for posting. There is such convo and infosharing as well as rants and raves so I'm going to let this marinate for another day. Feel free to continue to comment. Use these questions to really question yourself and motivations. I also threw a few new questions in the mix because of the responses I got so far. I'm glad we got this chance to open up and reveal whats inside of some of us...


When I was a child, I spoke as a child, because I understood as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things.

What do you know about being grown?

When did you make the decision to no longer deal with business or personal matters that did nothing but propagate childish behavior?

When did you decide to handle your business like a grown ass man or woman financially?

What did it take to help you realize that your surroundings had more to do with you living immature than hanging around those that constantly acted that way?

What and whom have you outgrown, and why does it hurt (a little) to not be able to say anything because you know they have to have their "A-HA!!!" moment?

When did your wardrobe and speech change?

Your eating habits?

Your choices of entertainment?

And... Why does it feel good to be grown right now?

*NEW QUESTIONS*

When did it become very serious to have a spiritual base in your newfound adulthood?

How did your views on sex and relationships change when you got grown?

You only get one real friend in life. How does that person play in your mental, physical and emotional state as it pertains to getting grown?

How broke and restricted are you right now in your growness? Or is that vice versa?

Are you anywhere NEAR the goals you set for yourself when you did childish things?

What will it take for you to truly be where you are in your life, and why haven't you acted sooner?

The Apostle Paul spoke those words, he was speaking of his growth both as a man and of his faith. When one makes the decision to be a grown ass man or woman, everything changes.

Everything, 'knowwhatimsaying?

Speak on it then.

cute, ain't it?

Have a good Monday, I'll blog later.

good to be back, thanks!

Edgewater - Redux



It's Thursday, and this is the first chance I had to actually sit, read my email and go thru my daily reads in the black blogosphere. I feel better now that I've had a chance to catch up.

I also ended the fast, well at least the food portion for now. I am as weak as I thought when it comes to abstaining from certain foods, and it was certain things that broke my will like:

cheese - What the hell is up with cheese and why did I have to actually go out and buy some damn cheese to put on sandwiches that I wasn't eating in the first place? Yes, I ate plain cheese singles for no apparent reason. I had to have them.

snickers bars- I just went to the machine in the lower bowels of my building and just bought one. And ate it. Damn, I am a chocolate ass punk.

cheese pizza - the grease, the crust, the... to hell with IT"S STILL PIZZA!!! Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad. Bad.

alcohol - I had a drink (beer) for the first time in damn near a month. It was like I didn't care.

As far as making time for prayer and meditation, that worked out amazingly well. I also make time in the morning to do my stretch thing and that makes some of the fake and repaired body parts feel good at 2 in the afternoon. I noticed that although I totally destroyed the food portion of my fast, I feel calm and relaxed and I feel some of my fears slowly slipping away.

I've been able to have conversations with those I haven't been able to speak with.

I've been financially blessed.

I feel like I’m coming out of certain fears to approach people/opportunities that will enhance my thang (I can hear that Heavy D song - diddly, diddly, diddly, diddly diddly dee!). I know that I'm talented; it's the end result of utilizing my talent that used to scare me. Knowing that I might have to move away/on/forward from people/places/things in order to get the exposure/contacts I need to further my thang makes me hesitant. I guess I've been afraid of change, but change is good, right?

I think other than me slipping on the food thing; my focus is right where it needs to be. I plan on mapping my food thing out IN WRITING and working towards both abstinence and elimination with steps. I'll get back on my horse in the next week or two, but right now, I'm prepping for DC.

I AM SO JACKED ABOUT BEING IN DC NEXT WEEKEND!!!

I wish we all could go. I also wish more of us knew about all of the functions and fellowshipping that will be going on in DC next week. A couple of people asked me what was doing next week, and I was like (blank stare) "The Millions More March. Wha... you didn't know? Damn homie, I wish we could travel out there together cause' I'm rolling by myself."

Yes, I'm going to DC alone. If it weren't for me chronicling everything and blogging it for those that can't attend, I'd cancel my trip. Yes, I want to be in that number, but I really didn't want to go alone. Oh well, enjoy the pictures...

I'm tired, and I wanna go home....

Enjoy the freaked version of "Edgewater". I like this better than the original photo. I'm using this method to do other joints too... Whatcha think?

I Can See The Pizza Spot From Here!!!

I have had the worst problems ever with my home computer. My monitor went out Saturday afternoon and I had some systems issues once I rigged up some stuff (and a borrowed monitor) Matrix style. My workspace looks like the hull of the Nebucanezzer. I really want to tell y'all about the first couple of days of my fast, but that will be another day. I'm currently blogging from work, and that is sooooooo frowned upon. So until tomorrow, enjoy this pic from the city set I took this past July. That is the northside of Chicago in a neighborhood called Edgewater. I use to live there. The shot is facing east towards Lake Michigan from the same train tracks I fired the last pic from. Felt like Ramo from Beat Street that day.

Leaving work early to visit my lawyer, gotta handle my business.

I hit y'all from the hull of my ship later.

Peace and Blessings in the name of the Most High.

Oh yeah, it's gonna be on in DC!!! (you know who you are!)