Myo-My... What a week

Okay, where do I start? It started last week when I got into a one sided argument and didn't respond. I got the worst voicemail that one can ever get.

I still didn't respond, but I wanted to destroy something.

Something.

I went out ran into a cat that reminded me of an friend that had me studying all kinds of things in the spirit, Judeo/Christian/Muslim. I was invited to a study class on Sunday. I was headed over to Mom's house anyway, so I stopped by. In the hour or so I was there I learned a lot and my thirst for the truth was reawakened. I made a vow to both the teacher and Umi that I would become a regular attendee... I will.

I still didn't return the voicemail.

Something happened that weekend that I didn't acknowledge. I couldn't breathe correctly and I had problems seeing straight. I didn't tell anyone. I also drank with my brother, best friend and new friend. Didn't tell them either. I should have.

I made it thru the weekend.

Monday came and went, but I felt like I was performing in a vacuum all day. Something was different, but I just didn't know what. I was not in the same place. For those of you that don't know, I have 3 jobs. If you're a card player, I'd call em' 2 and a possible. Tuesday morning came and I went to job # 2 (3am - 8am). I got the job done and was on the way to job # 1 (8:30am - 4:45pm). I didn't make it past 11:30.

I IM'ed my manager and told her that I needed some air. I was hot but the office was cold and drafty. I raised myself from my desk and left my office. I went to an unoccupied part of the building and tried to breathe. I couldn't. My chest tightened, It got a little brighter and I started thinking "why is my life flashing in front of my eyes?" I couldn't comprehend. This lasted 15 minutes, maybe 20. No air, thoughts racing, knees buckling, tightness in the chest, blurred vision. I made my way back to my spot after I thought that I had it together, but as I sat down in my chair I sank in the leather and couldn't regain posture. I tested my blood sugars:


shit... 380. Too damn high.

wait, I haven't eaten...

I just got a good sweat from job #2, my sugars were low then...

what?


As I was telling my manager that I was going to go home, she and another manager were telling me to go to the hospital. They wanted to know if I could drive myself to the ER because I looked... Well, not like Hassan. That whole morning was peculiar to them and they urged that I go and get checked out. We focused on my blood sugars because that's what I told em about. I did mention the tightness, sweating and lack of breath, but that could have come from the diabetic thing as well.

I go home. I wanted to take a nap before I go to the hospital. I actually wanted to lower my sugars so they wouldn't keep me for observation. I didn't even get 15 minutes when "it" happened:

She came over

I was there

Police were called (she actually called them first when she initially saw me, like I was going to actually do something to go to the bootyhouse)... She ended up in a 'never mind' moment and asked them not to come out. I decided to call them back and have them come out in an effort to protect myself. You know. I asked dispatch to stay on the line so the incident could be recorded...). There was no incedent.

She left

Of course now that she's gone, the police came, guns drawn (the whole damn force was there, surrounded my spot) and was about to gaffle my black ass

They made me call her on my cellphone. Thank God she answered.

I got a hard pressed apology due to it being a non-incident from the cops and they left

I waited about 2 hours and went to the hospital... I knew I was in trouble when the ER nurse started escorting me back to ICU and starting asking on that calm quiet walk questions such as "how long have I had heart disease" and said that I need to fill out additional paperwork on who in my family has it, but we need to gather additional tests first.

I got all paperworked, EKG'd and bloodworked, poked, prodded and questioned and as I'm laying back after what seemed to be a bigger interrogation than when I outprocessed out of the military I heard the report being spoken to the attending ER physician:

"35 year old, overweight diabetic with family history of heart disease, blood pressure 168 over 110, sugars near 400, pulse rapid and definitive symptoms of a very recent myocardio infraction..."

All I can think is that this cannot be happening to me. I know what that terminology means. Both sides of my biological dad's whole family, my grandmother, my closest aunt, Moms, my sister... Shit. I either was having or had a heart attack.


What. The. Fuck.

I found out that I suffered my very first anxiety attack that morning and that, the stresses from working 3 jobs, a recent death, family obligations, me being Superman, a possible depression and some real hot button relationship issues as well as running around the greater Chicagoland area like a chicken with my head cut off in the last couple of months had finally taken it's toll. It's being called a 'self induced stress related anxiety incident'

That was only Tuesday.

What happened the rest of last week, shit man... You don't want to know.

Lied to

Stood up

Visiting shrinks

Damn near deadly reactions to medications

more tests

My sister leaving

Even more tests

Telling my mother all of this on Mother's Day (my swollen face and drug-induced demeanor kind of tipped that off... She asked, and 3 hours after her asking I told... What kind of gift is that?)

It's already next week. What the hell just happened to me?