Reach

I done messed up...
I done messed up badly

It doesn't come to me any more

I'm stuck

It's all my fault

I've fallen behind and now I'm sinking.
It's not a bad thing yet
and I'm not angry about it
I just have to do something

I have to reach

By doing this things have to be destroyed,
reconfigured
It will be rebuilt
I must reach out and grab it before I
permanently lose it because it's going

I don't know what I'll do if I become
lost, it got so dark so quickly and now I
have to find my way.
I feel my way through but I seem to have
lost the hand that was guiding me
If I lose that there is no saving grace
But all is not lost.

I have a contingency

In my mind is the indelible image of
where I am to become
In the depths of my racing thoughts is the one
slow moving and stable process that will
save my soul
Embedded in my heart are the orders and
constructs that direct to rebuild the I
that is me thus saving my soul from an
eternity of fraud, waste and abuse

All I have to do is reach for it
All I have to do is capture it

All I must do is refocus all of my
energies and not be afraid to hold it in
my hand, it will edify my soul

Just the thought of it has given me hope,
but I know I must destroy

somethings
some places
dependency on

some people

But I done messed up
I messed up badly

I became stuck
Motionless

I became muddled in the mundane, stifled
in the stickiness of a frozen mind state.
I became what I tried to avoid in this, the
second act of my life

I became one of them and now I am ashamed of what I've become

I transformed into the trivial, morphed
into non-matter and became aloof in my
selfishness

I almost missed my call

I was moments away from ignoring the
voices... Those who have guided me and
kept me honest with self and the universe.
I nearly missed the jolt that jump started
my comrades into cultural jihad by simply
standing

in the wrong place

I'm not supposed to be here
I'm not supposed to be here
I'm not supposed to be here in this place right now

I have not received a single transmission
because my latitude and longitude does
not register on the wavelength of the
rebel transmission

I done messed up and now I must gather my
items, pack my tent and stuff my knapsack

and travel towards the sound


All is not lost, for I have a contingency
I just need to


reach

recapture

refocus


And be where I am of most use to the
omnipotent and serve out my days as
his
hers
their


Apostle


By fixing this mess and putting myself in the right place.

2007 Hassan Olumoroti Ntimbanjayo, ya dig?