What I Know Now

Somebody actually emailed me yesterday and asked me if I was losing it.

No, not at all. I just applied some of the things I know from what I've learned in life.

See, I haven't always been the sharpest knife in the drawer but there are things that I've picked up along the way to me being where I am in life that tested me, made me open my eyes and see things and people for what they really are.

I went to school like the 'American Dream Handbook' instructed me to do right after I gave up on athletic scholarships and joined the military where I scared the shit out of my family and participated in 2 conflicts.

I've been a charter member of various fraternal organizations both overt and secret.

I grew up in fucked up neighborhoods and befriended 'domestic terrorists'.

I tried gang banging while in high school and ended up joining my best friend's church as a result of the hood shit not being as lucrative for me as it was for my older brother. The church things turned out to be lucrative for me sexually, but other than that I wasted my time.

I played organized sports outside of school as well because it gave me a link to my father. A lot of cats back then barely knew their dads and the ones that did only hung out with them on weekends because of work and school attendance respectively. I got my dad to come to some of my games and that felt good because he would call me out and coach would usually put me in because of that.

I went to Catholic school and thought after attending an Easter Sunday service at a Baptist church one year that maybe I was being called to the pulpit, so I jump into theology classes. Big mistake once I heard Dr. Kahlid Muhammad. I knew religion was basically a fear tactic based around myths and fables needing financial support early in the game. I left that shit alone just like I left gang banging alone: I couldn't sell cocaine and/or crack because that was some next level shit that I didn't want to get caught and go to jail for. Pops took me to see this movie "Bad Boys' starring Sean Penn and I never wanted to have to beat someones ass with a pillowcase of soda pops although I did kind of fall into a violent streak as a kid and honed the fuck out of it after joining the Army and learning to detach emotion and use it effectively.

I also would have taken being a minister to another level mastering pyramid and ponzi schemes on my unsuspecting flock, and jail time in my eyes would be eventual because I know well of the emotional attachment black folk have with church. People just want to believe, and I can exploit that.

I'm trying to teach my wife that shit, she understands but ain't game to learn further about emotional detachment because she's a nurturer.

I've worked in corporate America, held a couple of good paying blue collar career minded jobs with 2 telecommunications giants and the post office and walked away from all of them because I felt I could do more than just be complacent and take being treated like a sucker every damn day.

A couple of them joints made me hold a security clearance, Army included. I witnessed and read a lot. I learned more than I cared to know about a lot of shit.

I used to drink and smoke cigars with a minister who had a sex addiction. He told me some foul shit about how the matrix is structured that I posed to both an Imam and a Rabbi on different occasions, at different periods in life and got the same damn answers.

I got a chance to live overseas and as much as I like being an American, I should have never come back here, or at least that's how I feel sometimes.

I've aligned myself with folks most of my life that had no clue about themselves, their potential and never knew how to love and appreciate themselves nevertheless love me. And sometimes I gave them benefit of the doubt, even though I knew I would get burned because I want and need love and affection too. A couple of times I even allowed myself to be walked upon so that person whether friend, girlfriend or family member could feel some semblance of validation just to spit in my face because they could never find where they needed to be. That shit clogged my love arteries and made me dig deeper into that hatred I keep referring to in my blogposts.

There are times that I feel like I am incapable of giving love or reciprocating it based on another mother fucker's home training and how they apply their flawed shit to mine. I learned that most people are sheep, incapable of fending for themselves thus lacking the inner ass-kicker that they reach out for me to be, forcing them to believe utter bullshit because sometimes bullshit will give you purpose.

If you found out that there was nothing of a higher source to believe in, would the urge to achieve cease to exist?

Most folk that claim to be independent in thought have found a way to shake off the childhood indoctrination just to run to another person's theory... And then get their heart broken when they accidentally wander into the back room and find the man behind the curtain. For those that cannot escape the bullshit pumped into their heads during their youth, they become the blind leaders, chosen by blind followers to assist them in successfully wandering off the proverbial cliff...

Thus making their lives and the lives surrounding them as well as the lives they influence useless.

Well, I've seen enough and I'm tired of that shit.

From religion, political and fraternal affiliation to different fundamental beliefs in one's unalienable rights, what you think you know you really don't. A lot of companies, organizations and even friends and family have some sort of ulterior motive and they're waiting on you to fall for the okey doke because without you, their shit has no validation. It manifests itself in all of the isms out there and because a lot of us don't wanna' put in the work called self fulfilment most of us suffer.

Know that there aren't central banks (plural)
Know that politics are supposed to be divisive
Know that fear plays into everything from your mortgage rate to your tithe amount
Know that as long as you work for someone else...
Know where your origins begin or at least where they come from (religion, heritage etc)
Know that common sense ain't that damn common
Know that there is a class system, and it ain't always about wealth
Know that rich people aren't wealthy and the wealthy ain't fucking with the rich
Know that you can do all things by your damn self:

Emotional investment in another person, theory or movement ain't necessary if you're looking to please you.

Know that there are a few people that can read the matrix code
Know that you might just be a pawn in a much bigger game than you'll ever know
Know that when you're able to see it, interpret it and understand, you'll be able to avoid it

Most important:

Know that you can live externally from all of the bullshit, the fear mongering and lies

You don't have to go off the grid, but once you realize that everything around you from what you eat (how, where and what is used to manufacture it), what you see and hear (corporate owned, agenda based), to where and how you live (strategy and predetermination) could take away from you being healthy, wealthy, knowledgeable and successful. It could also take away from you being who you're really supposed to be.

Remember the old line about what we're supposed to do when we graduate high school?

How do you determine what you're going to do for the rest of your life and then take a contractual binding series of loans, leave the flock naked and know that that is what you'll actually do with the rest of your life?

You don't really know.

That's the real reason Sara Palin (and a lot of us collectively) attended multiple universities.

The one thing that got you down this path was and is when you put in the work, followed your heart and did your own thing. Those were the happiest days, weren't they? I was at my happiest when I was doing my own thing. I was detached from the all the theory. My health was optimum because I wasn't plugged into what the mainstream was doing eating, drinking and ingesting all of that stress inducing bullshit from TV, radio and such. I answered all my own questions with the help of what I learned and used my resources properly. I was my own man and then... I earned and lost money, followed politics and crafted some of my own isms based on other people's beliefs blah, blah blah.

Self realization, me seeing that me feeding into external stuff like materialism and validation through people, places and things made me a slave to the system. I live a simple life, make a good living for myself and my family and feed myself what is necessary, not what is mandated by the Jonses. I got back on my own path and I am a better husband, father, son, brother and uncle for that. I see the world for what it is and I am not here to preach to you about external things that need you to feed into it for you to get fed. There are too many priests, pimps politicians and the organizations they belong to that will hook you and turn you out causing you to never find the you that you want to be.


I left all that shit alone and I'm willing to fight to stay free from it. All of the organizations, secret societies, corporate owned media, drug induced food products, religious groups that needed me to propagate their unbelievable nonsense as well as bullshit people with bullshit agendas that needed me to validate their bullshit lives took a toll on who I am and what I am to become in my older age to my children, extended kinfolk and people that I can call friend. It took a lot to wane myself from the lattes, deep fried batter, the broadcasts and the toxic rhetoric. And that ain't crazy.


It's liberating.