You Just Gotta Watch Something Crumble That'll Make You Feel Better About Your Crumbling Mess, Now Don't Cha?

I don't know how I made it through the weekend.

I really don't .


I accept death as a part of life, and I do not mourn the dead. I look forward to celebrating life like they do in the Bayou, so... As much as MJ's funeral will add closure to a moment I thought I would NEVER see, I am looking to take the time to celebrate his life, contributions to the world and that music of his. I will never get tired of listening and sanging with him...

I also have an initiative I want the world to complete with me on his birthday:

On his birthday two monts from now, I would love the world to find a sequined glove, some glittery-assed socks, a MJ themed T-Shirt and if you can, either a Thriller, Beat It or Billie Jean jacket and rock it to the workplace, school or just around the way for the entire day. I have spoken to the shyest, most introverted folk, some thug cats and a few conservative mutha effers and they all agree... Nothing can stop this bum rush. Michael Jackson changed the world and it would be fitting for us to pay tribute and make it a yearly habit. You have 2 months and you have been warned...

Enough about the King...

I am not looking forward to the next leg of my trip. You see, I cannot get past what happened between the wife and myself this past weekend. See, wifey thinks that we have our WHOLE LIVES on the internet. I don't think that this is the case. She thinks that there is something certainly wrong with the world all up in our business when I can tell her factually that the world ain't giving one big shit about us.

Where it is cathartic to let things go in the method I do, none of y'all with the exception of a small, chosen few actually know what the hell is going on in our household minus the various photos and blogposts that I do, and what you see, hear, view and read about isn't even one eighth of what our lives are or are about. If I could reveal more than I would, but I think what I'm giving is just about enough. based on conversations with some in my inner circle and those that just found about my blog and just started lurking via facebook, they wish to know more and know how my other half and I are doing so well in the face of adversity.

That could be the joke of the week to me, because seriously, I believe I am at the point where I could either be at my most destructive in reacting to the bullshit that is happening in my so-called marriage or I could just walk the fuck away.

And it was funny hearing the comments from some folk that were at my 20th year high school reunion jawn... Seeing that most of the folk that had an opinion had only read up a couple of months on my ass on facebook where there isn't much info than there is here on me/us.

Whatever. But...

See, I cannot live a lie, a life based on lies or lies about my life according to a series of lies based on keeping other lies suppressed. This is what I'm dealing with right now. I have to make a decision on how I want to live the rest of my life and I cannot lie about how, who and where I want to do that based on what other people think of my stank ass. Their opinion has never mattered when I write a check to pay the car note, so why should it matter now?

I can give lees than a fuck about what family and friends say or think about what I'm doing to save my shit. Furthermore, I know for a fact that certain folk ain't really rocking their shit as well as perceived as well, so I urge those that have an opinion to stay up out of my shit and enjoy the website, videos and posts relating to how I deal with mine.

My shit ain't as cool as the other side of the pillow as some may think, and the reason I decided to pull the plug on rent, car notes and utilities was to make it easy to walk the hell away if our self counseling did not work. I can walk away from this relationship if I am not successful in exhausting all of our possibilities and am willing to document that shit and share certain points with the world, are you?

I don't think so because some of y'all just cannot walk away. Drama, credit and financial issues and downright fear of what another mutha effer might say, momma, best friend or otherwise is holding you to choice that ain't making your ass happy. Do not project your drama on me. If this relationship ends, it will be based on logic and common sense. All marriages aren't supposed to last and at least I'm doing the dirty work in finding out if mine is one of those I just spoke on.

My shit ain't perfect, and I feel that after our little exercise I will know for sure if this is exactly where I want to be. My wife definitely has different desires than mine, and there seems to be an issue with compromise in making certain things happen. One thing is for sure, there will be no family expansion to try to save my marriage. That is an asinine thing to do when one's love and support are questioned in the fist place. Why bring an innocent child into play? I am not going to purposely create a life just to fuck that life up mentally and emotionally. I will not see a son go wrong in this society or a daughter swing around a pole because of mommy-daddy issues.

So for those asking about children... Sit down, eat your slice of pizza and be quiet. I have to have a solvent relationship before I even consider children.

As far as the road trip is concerned, we supposed to be headed to the Grand Canyon and then Vegas next week, but we have to see if that is actually going to happen. Business interests and the willingness to be in the same place at the same time exists between her and I. If we do head out, then it will be one hell of a road trip that I hope to get some video of that's for sure.

It seems that both of our true sense of duty, purpose and responsibility is coming into play now that the rooms to run to and the doors to slam have been eliminated. But that's why I suggested this thing in the first place.

Oh, and don't worry... All things happen for good reasons. I can say for sure that I ain't neither mad nor disappointed about how things are panning out.

But I am a little tiffed on how we let the Supreme Court get their anal rape of the American people on before they ended session yesterday... You don't know, look it up... Precedent has been set and you should know about it before engaging in conversation with my reading/learned ass.

I took the time to check it out between reading and watching news coverage of the death of the King... What in the hell did you do this weekend?

The King Is Dead. Long Live The King

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Nothing Doing... Leave A Message

Nothing doing on the blogging front.

We did update the Herz and Hiz site.

I did upload a new You Tube video.

We do plan on getting out today.

It's supposedly our next to last day in Atlanta.

We plan on doing 'stuff' and snapping more pix.

Oh, and it's our 18 month anniversary.

See you around, okay?

It's A Manic Monday, Mane!

Good Monday Morning...

The barometer on the freedom level is fair to midland today.

I spent much of my weekend watching the goings on in Iran and all I really have in criticisms is a shoulder hunch. I mean, I am concerned with the handling of human life and I am sorry so many have to go thru so much, but... It is a part of the process of progress.

After witnessing so many over here, in this country, in this nation, in my home town, in my neighborhood, on my block, doors next to or down die from absolutely nothing by the hand of their own or an agent of either the municipality, county, state or government, I understand exactly what is happening. The imprisonment of the innocent and politically polarizing to further the agenda of the status quo is commonality personified where I live. We continue to act like we have learned and moved on from our mistakes, transgressions and purposeful actions based on racism, sexism, financial gain and nationalism when that is exactly what we want. The opposite. We continue to yearn for the biased activities that gave us what our parents told us was comfort in our childhood when we know now as adults that everything we felt comfortable about as children was based on a lie.

So watching what video, pictures and commentary makes it out of Iran continues to add to the realization that nothing is what we want. We are truly the 85 that Clarence 13X theorized us to be.

The same folk that revolted in the past and got good off the takeover are the ones making haste to make change impossible for those that yearn for the revolt in the now.

But anyway...

I did spend Sunday afternoon/evening holding court with The Original Oldgirl LadyLee. We had fun yapping and munching on superior cooked goodies over at the Whole Foods joint over in Mid-Town ATL. It was cool hanging out and just discussing everything and talking bout' nothing for a handful of hours yesterday. We have definitely gots to do that again.

Did I mention that she makes one hell of an oatmeal/walnut/raisin cookie. They were leftovers from an engagement she had from he day before, but it didn't matter. I volunteer my stomach for the leftover shelf any day of the week, cause I loves me some oatmeal anything cookies.

Good looking out Oldgirl... We gots to do that again.

Today is a moving day. Still in the greater Atlanta area for the moment. Things will happen in the near future that will determine exactly the when and where my other half and I will be.

All I got right now. Be easy in them cubicles, shawty.

At What Cost?

Change...

But at what cost?

At the beginning of the year, I had no clue that I... We would be where we are geographically, but we are here. I planned on doing some work to enhance the office space in our home and was really looking forward to popping over to US Cellular Field (home of the 2006 Word Champion Chicago White Sox - Cub fans can kick rocks!) more than a few times to see ballgames, enjoying the newness of my recently gentrified neighborhood.

I also thought that whatever it was that was holding my marriage together would become more solvent over time.

I was wrong.

After purging the records and saw that our spending was out of control and realizing that this was closely related to our relationship not being under control, I decided to take action. I had a plan. It seems that now my plan might be sabotaged by change.

Change on address.
Change of mind.
Change of opinion.
Change in direction.
Change in focus.

And no change of the status quo.

I was reading LadyLee's blog post yesterday dealing with settling and not making the adjustment based on what you want. It is a given that you'll never get what you want in life some of the time, others you might get too much of what you want, and that might be a bad thing. I struggled to comment after reading that post, the Oldgirl went on and reminded those that read regularly and really put the dooski wooski on anyone just stopping by for the first time about how she just went with the flow with dude for 5 years not getting much of what she wanted in a man but out of familiarity she stayed the course, eventually marrying this cat.

Damn.

Was the market that damn bad or was staying put that damn stable (in bullshit, mind you) that she felt the need to stay in it for that damn long? That made me ask myself if my marriage is anywhere near that status. Now mind you, when she realized that her future would be worse than what her present was handing to her, she gathered the courage, strength and wherewithal to get up and walk away. Far, far away.

So after waiting all day to pick my other half up from the airport I suggested that she read this post because I really wanted to ask her if she felt as if she settled.

I asked.

She answered.

Regardless of how she answered and what she said, I wish I never asked because now I know the truth. It doesn't even matter what she said in her reply to my initial question, all I know is that change needs to come sooner than later, but at what cost? I mean, I did what I did a few weeks ago to save my marriage and look at opportunities that would benefit both of us.

But sometimes unleashing extreme measures to solve one problem can open one's self up to a myriad of other problems.

It just doesn't seem to stop.

I guess I'm the only one around here that realizes that we only have one shot at this thing called life on this plane of existence. I'm only running into a few others that actually realize that there is no redo, especially if one takes a holding pattern to make the important decisions in life.

That's why things are the way they are.

There are those that know that they only have that one shot and do whatever it takes to make life worth it, there are others that continue to question their own situation, doing nothing to solve their problems and those that seem lost in life and end up drowning in it, making life a wasted resource awarded by The Creator to the absolute wrong person.

Sometimes it takes lessons learned, the exploration of learned behavior and then acting to correct the crooked shit in order to make things the way it's supposed to be. I'm gradually finding out which one of those persons I am by self realization and who I purported to be by others with little or no additional thought given to what makes me who I am.

Living among anger and confusion will only make you angry and confused, distracting you from what you were really put here to do, leaving your imprint with no impact.

I'm starting to relate with that last statement.

A Good Monday Afternoon Update

Hey young world...

The weather in Atlanta has been the best by far. High 80s and low 90s since we got here, and I ain't complaining. Chicago's weather has sucked since we left, but it does seem that summer will finally set itself in the Midwest.

We had to make some changes to our plans since we embarked on our little journey. We haven't started the detox as of yet. No worries though, we're still working on the meat and potatoes of the original plan. Things aren't going as planned as far as our eating plan, but I am a little satisfied in how things are going so far.

It seems that we just couldn't get out of Atlanta without testing the job market. We have some good prospects down here and it might lead to us sticking around and actually becoming ATLiens, we'll just see about that. A close friend told us of her bouts with racism and marginalization as well as undervalue during her time at Spelman College and that has stuck with me as we search the real estate market and set up interviews here in the city. A small warning buzz keeps going off in my head and it was this sister's stories that keep setting them off.

That and the murder scene we had to drive thru last week on the way back from the drive-in.

I've visited this city many times before as a young man serving in the military during the late eighties and early nineties, I've traveled to Georgia during undergrad and have driven thru, interviewed for jobs and just plain vacationed as well as visited first cousins that I have on both sides of the family with no incident. Not just in Atlanta but in Macon, Augusta and Columbus. Most soldiers go thru basic combat training in Ft Jackson, SC and I only served in signal corps units during my stint in the Army, so Ft Gordon, GA was a given. Escape to Charlotte, Augusta and Atlanta was a must when you had a little leave piled up and every time I've traveled to these cities especially Atlanta, I always have good memories and remember getting treated with respect.

So why am I concerned with the police state that I feel folks are in down here?



You may have noticed that I'm talking bout' our trip over here and not the site we set up a few weeks ago. Well, I'm having server, sitebuilding and content issues that prevents me from doing much right now. I plan on spending the next few days addressing it and I also have to convince my other half to participate. She doesn't want to be videoed after initially agreeing and it seems funny that after giving me one new post to put on the site she hasn't even asked about the status or the fate of the site and hasn't even questioned why I haven't informed her on such when I am such a micro manager of everything else. Oh well. That doesn't mean that we aren't sticking to the plan, that just means that we're only partially recording it and it would definitely show as lazy or something if we didn't have site issues. But I believe I can fix that in due time.

I have been doing extensive research on partnering with fellow blogger Terry and bringing a radio show to the masses. More on that in the future.

I'm just in awe with the media on how certain folks are being held to different standards:

• Did anyone list how much each individual Air Force One trip cost other presidents and the tax payers? Oh, especially that one (doing my best John McCain)... You know, the one that flew to Crawford, Texas damn near every weekend?
  

• Did anyone else hear the 'knocked up' jokes about Bristol Palin from Bill Maher, Jay Leno and others? Where did statutory rape come into play? Letterman fired petitions. Really?
  

• I believe public figures are fair game critically. But is anyone else outraged about the Ape/Michelle Obama/lineage comment?

• I don't need to see the 'black of your ass' to lust after you. I also don't need to see all of your tetas minus the areola and nipple to feel your sex vibe. I also don't need to know what color your thong is, so stop pulling it up like that. A muffin top with a muffin gut? Please.

• You know the World Cup is in South Africa next year, right?

• If you know anything about predatory lending and the new 'sub prime' loans then you would know (or think) that civil rights groups like the NAACP are still relevant... Right?

• You can't be serious complaining about someone else's presidential election being rigged. Sit down, eat your slice of pizza and be quiet.
  

Have a great afternoon/evening. More tomorrow, I guess.

Critical Mass

It wasn't hard to wait.
It wasn't difficult to just observe from a distance.

Back in October, I had my issues with folks on the lower level of the Obama campaign. As I didn't want to deal with that mess, I walked away. Politics inside of politics I expected, I just thought that maybe I could cut thru the weeds and contribute in some way, shape, form or fashion. After going what I went thru, I couldn't do what I wanted to do but let me say this... After both my wife and myself going thru, completing and 'graduating' from Camp Obama as well as networking and putting in some work shortly after the campaign training I knew that our current president would indeed beat Senator McCain. The grass roots grew entirely too deep and I realized how many people from many backgrounds really waned change.

After a twenty two year old sister spoke to us on the last day of training expressing to us how she basically lived out of her suitcase and assisted then Senator Obama with just about everything one could logistically provide and receiving a key administrative position should the senator win the November election, I actually heard the brains of certain folks working in attempts to secure future employment with the administration, and that's when nepotism, favoritism, frat and soror ties and just plain old self whoring began to taint my participation process. Certain folks straight up held volunteers at bay and gave friends and family the paying and reciprocal positions in the campaign, fronting on hard working folk like myself that took time out of their family and work schedules to help the then candidate win.

So I took two steps back and waited. And watched. And continued to work my Camp Obama network to actually see who wold make the cut and move to DC or move into the strategic positions throughout the nation that David Plouffe and others designed for a deeper network when it came to getting policy onto the streets, internet and on TV and talk radio. I asses that about 35% of those willing to sell their momma out ended up with jobs, political stroke and other positions with churches, non profit organizations and community based groups looking to strike gold to receive federal funding, get grants and business loans and (low on certain totem poles) actually help now President Obama get his brand of policy out and affect public opinion which should affect all levels of Congress regardless of which house or political party and get items passed and made law, thus making real change.

Folks got jobs. Others got positions. Others padded their resume. Some even got elected to posts regardless of level (municipal, county, state or fed) and others have great stories to tell at barber and beauty shops all over this great land. But there underlies the problem:

After damn near seven months of seeing a new regime formulate and take control and after only four real months of an actual Obama Administration, there is a serious backlash and stinging criticism from those right of center politically, racists and some from the religious fundamentalist groups regarding the look, feel, color, citizenship, appointments and policy of our first African American president. And sine the year began, there have been calls to take action from these entities and in my own words, this shit is starting to get foul.

There have been cries for the failure of a presidential administration. There has been blame in certain folks from all political parties for the failure of the financial institutions and real estate market. There have been warnings that certain folk in Washington since January 20 are plotting for the destruction of the 'American Way'. Worst of all, there have been acts of domestic terrorism from folks claiming to be from the religious right, forewarned from the Department of Homeland Security that our newest and current Secretary of that branch had to apologize about to Republicans on the Hill because some felt that the warnings insulted a certain branch or hard working Americans.

Since January 20, two major acts of domestic terrorism have occurred, both by American citizens, both in the name of God and in ethnic purity and in the spirit of Nationalism. The latter happening less than one mile from the White House.

You already know what happened, no need to re-hash it.

My question is: Where is our critical mass?

You know, the groundswell of support, outrage, protest and agreement or disagreement with acts and events that will obviously affect our immediate future?

Even I jumped on the election bandwagon, championing candidate Obama and even supporting measures from candidate McCain, before I got on my soapbox last year I weighed heavily the rhetoric and fact from both major candidates and even held the flame for certain ones beaten in the primaries. I was active, supportive and hit the streets talking to folks about what they wanted in a new administration in Washington. We had a little more money and my 401k was still existent, but everyone kind of sort of knew that there would be an economic downturn, so we were doing things about it. The election played big with so many. Now, there is absolutely no grass root opinion or action coming from anywhere.

Even I warned folk on this very blog that someone would take arms under the guise of supporting the second amendment and would probably do something stupid. I don't blame that on the right. I have friends and family that think and act according to a conservative brand of principles (Hey Jon!) and I have no beef with them or those that support lawmakers that pursue their agenda. I also have folks on the left that I don't have animosity against, and I also have no qualms with the liberal lawmakers. I do take exception with the bloggers, the radio hosts, the so-called TV journalists or personalities that push a bullshit agenda.

Those from the left are boring folks to sleep, ranting and raving about some economic utopia to come when there are fewer and fewer jobs, tighter credit and folks are losing their homes. The ones from the right criticize and predict gloom and doom with every democratic move from the legislative and executive branch. Others get on the very same internet and spew hate, gossip, rumor and innuendo.

Now we got folks peeking innuendo. And everybody has a bible and a gun. (Hey Mr. Brown!)

Maybe it's just the fact that the wife and I are living in Atlanta, the place where groundswell and critical mass were innovated thru the civil rights movement, I dunno. Maybe because the current Supreme Court nominee, the current Secretary of State and the current Republican Revolution in Congress will affect how folks see their civil rights beyond 2009. Maybe because everyone will either lose, have already lost or will lose their job will create a downturn in esteems and create a rise in nationalism reminiscent of decades past that our generations have only read about but never seen.

It is predicted that in the last days there will be rampant spread of simple disease that will have the power to kill. There will be financial ruin which leads to an internal meltdown of the most powerful nations. The acceptance of one world leader with enough charisma and trustworthiness to turn believers away from God. The elimination of the elimination of war, which means there is an ongoing fight with no real purpose (well, your cousin or nephew will be shipped off and will probably die in combat). That brother will kill brother because of famine. Politicians and leaders bankrupt of morals will lead us astray. If all of this seems to be a half-ass honest assessment, then why are you just sitting there doing nothing?

There should be some sort of critical mass. There isn't one. Who will protect us from the blowback of the most recent election and the administration built from it? Where are the people?

There should be a grass roots campaign to recruit folks to revolt from the current revolution, leading me to think that the term critical mass is more in line with its scientific definition.

What say you?

Whatever...

It has been seven days since we left Chicago

I am having the damndest time tinkering with the fixings of that damn web site.

My other half doesn't want to be videoed and hasn't taken many pictures.

I am really wishing that I never announced that we were attempting to blog this process.