September

I'm very happy that this month finally got here.

August will forever haunt my ass like I've permanently desecrated an gravesite by building a house on it after pissing on headstones.

It has been a difficult year after losing a dear friend. Staring my own mortality in the face after watching a peer pass on is not something I was expecting for another twenty years or so.

I've grown to hate certain people/places/situations during this time. I've also learned to love myself more.

It's hard to not have the urge to extinguish the things that want to hurt me. I really want to lash out and do something but I know that jail isn't quite the right thing for me at this time, and who am I to be judge and jury and regulate what lives or dies?

So I manage. I've documented here in this forum how I've done so, even if my last post was August 6th.

Other than that, I go to work, put in long hours, come home, stare at the ceiling at night because I no longer sleep overnight, get up and do it all over. Today is my off day and guess where I'll be? At work suppressing my thoughts to lash out and finding ways to continue to respect other's lives by not bringing harm to their asses.

I'm not watching much TV these days but I know what's going on. Fucking idiots have a Mormon leading their Jesus following asses, telling to bypass the Christ Messiah and... Never mind. My unit was one of the first to go into Iraq and people are pressing the Prez to thank Jr the Warmonger for the trillion spent and the damn near five thousand that have died over a friggin' lie. From gaming the oil for food program to accessing yellow cake uranium to actually having WMDs... Bold face fucking lies.

And like you're going to do all of them jobs that a certain folk have no problem doing by sending them away? When the grass gets tall, hotel beds never get new bedding, the food on the menu never gets served and the diapers don't get changed... Stupid.

And my brothers, sisters and cousins still can't get off or our asses. We are a bunch of dumb asses. Even I know when the time to strike is.

I hope September brings the change not only in season, but a change in my mentality and outlook on things. I am so ready to shoot this horse before misery brings more people to my house.