Post #611 - December 30, 2009

I knew I was supposed to do something today...

Whatever.

I'll get to it and make that happen tomorrow.

I don't really get into capitalizing on end of/beginning of the year things. I really try to self analyze and adjust whenever I can. Not that resolutions and such are a bad thing, I'd rather make adjustments now as opposed to putting things off for a particular date. If things need fixin', then get to that post haste whatever it may be. I guess I just have more of a value placed on right now.

I do want to express admiration, respect, sorrow, shock and surprise on the things that happened over the last 364 days that made up 2009. It was a year of, well... Everything. I mean, anything that could have happened good or bad in the field of politics, pop culture and for some personal matters happened. I don't think we'll see or experience anything like 2009, and I believe that's both a good and a bad thing.

I promise not to be long winded. I'm really not up to my BlogSista, The Original OldGirl LadyLee to cuss at me never no more. I couldn't take that again, nevertheless in the same week! I'll speak my piece and then g'wan on out the side door, cause' I have things to to tomorrow.

As for tonight, CORPORATE TRAINING!!!  The suits from corporate want to inform us on what's going on for master dealers and authorized resellers (as well as franchisees) before CES (Consumer Electronics Show - Las Vegas, baby!) starts next week. I can't wait. We got new stuff!

Y'all be easy.

Turn over every now and then, okay? You're roasting.

PINK CHAMPALE!!!!




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Please Click Here To Read The Terms And Conditions

Laying around.


It's what I've been doing since I've been discharged from the hospital. Just laying around. I haven't touched my sites (and no one noticed, well except for clickbank, commission junction, ebay and paypal), went out once last week on my wife's bornday to watch her devour a big-ass steak and avoided all things holly, jolly and 'holy' by getting some much needed sleep. The sleep part came against my will as I adjusted to these meds I got (that I'm no longer taking) by gaining lethargy and losing the arrhythmia that was spinning me out of control.

But I knew there is always a better way.

I feel a little different and am a little angry because I went from ACE inhibitors to a beta-blockers in less than a week. The fact that certain medical professionals work from the physicians desk reference and not from case studies and experience thru history is a sick thing. Fortunately, i'm doing this on my own. My wife and  mother (who is a medical professional) convinced me to go to the hospital, and while I'm grateful in them getting me to the ER to save my life (because I was headed there - you know), I am very disappointed in their assessment that medical doctors are able to 'fix' things in one's life with the stroke of a pen.

They cannot and never will be able to.

So let's see... I didn't have a heart attack but I am in the possession of THREE drugs given to humans to maintain the heart and central nervous system after suffering a myocardial infraction...

And I didn't have a stroke or aneurysm BUT there is pressure on certain parts of my brain that leave me with debilitating headaches that I continue to have, even in my right now (except for when I do this one thing AGAINST doctor's orders)...

Second opinions, prescriptions, advice and game planning for 'this stage' in my life...

What stage? I am grateful to be the son of a radiologist and the nephew of a doctor and and a nurse as well as having a sister that's a nurse as well. I know the lingo, can read the transcripts and handwriting and actively participated in the conversations involving me, my workups and my scans. Other than elevated BP moderate cholesterol and a weird acting pancreas, I came in very damn healthy with a slight chance of stress. And I know what that little 'chance' of stress can to. So I adjust. Hell, I've adjusted a while ago and it has me under 240 pounds and active for the first time since I left the military (1993). Oh, did I mention that I messes with the herbacuticals and such?

Whatever, man. Ain't nothing wrong that non-medicine and common sense (with a whole lot of sleep, I'm back to two hours a night again. I know I gotta stop that but... Whatever, no excuses) and a whole lot of herbacutical living cannot cure. I'm already on top of that. I'm not worried about things and I am so ready to die (think Klingon, dammit!) if need be. I hear the universe and it mentions my name for some other stuff right now in this moment. That's the one thing I bothered not to explain to folks calling last week with concern. The one thing we have never been in control of is when our number will be called. I thanked them for calling and emailing and told them not to worry, I've done all that I've wanted to do and all that I can in history, and that I still will continue down my path with whatever time I have left, regardless of how much it turns out to be.

I am not dying, but ask my dad, cousin and a few friends, all they could do is suggest that I go even deeper in drug culture so that I can have a better quality of life. On who's terms? Wow. I love em' and I love their programmer even less. Couple that with the events of last week and there were some folks hemming and hawing over a little bit of nothing all in the name of something else. Something that doesn't even have anything to do with me. Never has.

For the record, I am going to keep doing the same things I have been doing before I had my 'incident' a week and some change ago. I don't plan on stopping doing what I love. I have found my niche and actually plan on relentlessly increasing my workload as well as increasing the amount of travel I have been doing. I just hope folks can keep up with me. Now, I will get some more sleep because I have to perform and I needs my rest, but not by much. The key is to do what you want and enjoy doing it without letting things, events and people stop you.

This was a road bump, more of a marker on my life's map. It gave me an indication on how many miles per gallon I was getting with my current brand of fuel, how efficient my engine was performing. That and I needed to stop to get an oil change and a lube job. I got all of that. The engine still runs and everything else is in perfect working order. I guess with the perpetual Roman calender (among other things) changing, folks get themselves all worked up in a lather over change and renewal. Funny, these are the same folks that try to convince you that man-made and designed things aren't that good for you sometime in March after the weight of the change and renewal mandate they put on themselves usually turns out to be somewhat unsuccessful.

Fail to plan, plan to fail I say. And for all of those with a plan, I salute you. Good looking out!

I no longer get frustrated with those types of things. When people bring em' up I just nod my head and keep moving in my direction. Some folk still stare with a sideways glare, shake their head and believe that I'm not listening. I am. I'm just keeping notes most times on what not to do. I know that my family, friends and those doctors that spent a few days trying to convince me to try out a litany of drugs to see which one my body will eventually adjust to all mean well.

I hope. I did encounter energies hoping that I would curl up and die though, but that's expected.

Even though we all know that some of my family and medical team's adoptive ways and un-natural creations will forever alter the path of me doing my thing, I still think they were thinking of my best interests.

Because of who I am, I can't live like that. I will not.

Not a hard question to answer I guess. Live life on someone else's terms, prolonging what seemingly would be torture, denying choice and experiencing slavery (products, services and efforts) or die doing your own thing, choosing to do what it do according to you and living life according to your own definition. If I live 40 more years in some drug induced haze using their GPS to get to some other destination, I would be miserable of being that person and would eventually end it all out of shame because I lived in a realm of cowardice. If I die tomorrow because I discontinued the bullshit the doctors gave me last week, then life has indeed been good. I am proud of where I am right now.

I'm still free. I just wish that everyone had the ability to see what freedom is and quit comparing it to material wealth and competition with others. Living life like that seems like a waste of time when you think about it that way, huh?






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Humbug Revisited. I See You.

I thought Jay Smooth really put this into perspective.

Normally I'd be long winded about stuff, but it's our wedding anniversary among other things

Be easy y'all.









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Staring It Right In The Face, Laughing

Have you ever had that moment in life where everything is cool?

I bet you have. Hell, we all have. Is it a distant memory or is it happening right now? I say that it doesn't matter. Never has. If you herald those moments in your today or live to live them, basically ignoring your right now to have a future planned moment to have just to remember said moment in the distant future... You're wasting your time.

I started this blog post early this morning and then I changed my mind about writing it. I then had a little time (waiting to see a specialist, more about that later) and decided to share the events that closed out my week and how it affected my weekend. It really started about a week and a half ago when I landed this terrible  mind numbing headache that rested behind my right eye. I couldn't get rid of it. Couldn't shake it. I couldn't see straight or think with clarity. My legs were fidgety in bed. I lost my equilibrium.

I was this close and kind of knew it. Didn't stop me though.

I kept doing all the things I was used to doing because I had schedules to keep, businesses to grow and websites to launch. I was going on 2 hours of sleep and not in succession. I was pulling coffee fueled all-nighters and midnight to mid-morning brainstorming sessions at 24 hour diners. I was only snacking on one meal a day. I was getting it in like a rock star. I ignored the headaches and vision blurriness because I wanted to get stuff done. I have a high pain tolerance. I got kind of stupid with this one though...


I ignored the signs until I had to go to the ER Thursday night. I couldn't stop the noises in my head, and then something popped. Literally. A small, painful pop that leaded to the feeling that my head was going to explode, complete with head exploding-type pain. I was in the bed all day Thursday still convinced that all I had to do was sleep that shit off.

Didn't work.

When I got to the ER, my blood pressure was 212 over 167 and the rest of me was out of control. I needed to be hydrated because even though I was drinking over 2 gallons of water a day I was still severely dehydrated. The docs had to determine if I had a heart attack or a stroke (or both) so I got a CT scan and an MRI after they needed more clarification. After they stabilized my vitals I was told that If I would have waited another day, I would have probably sank into a coma or better yet, died.

Like a facebook friend mentioned the other day: '2009 is the year of the celebrity death march'. I am by no stretch of the imagination a celeb, but I was pretty damn close to being in the front of the line, somewhere in the Kit Kat lounge of the upper room haggling for some autographs though.

Like I always say: A scared negro will get you killed. I wasn't scared per say, I pretty much knew the outcome of my actions and inactions. I just thought I could last another few days or so and didn't want to hit the ER or urgent care during the 'holiday rush'. There are a lot of folk that could use a friend and some good drugs during this time of year. That and I really didn't feel like going to no damn emergency room, but I'm glad I did.

I'm not sitting here relating to you guys some 'whew moment' and I'm damn not having an Ebenezer Scrooge moment where I vow to change my life because I was probably staring death in its face and want to change things. Quite the contrary. I laughed and felt happy about things. That fear subsided a while ago. I really don't regard Thursday, Friday and my drug induced weekend as anything life changing. Hell, we're all going to die anydamnway. That ticket is already punched.

2009 was a year in which death took a lot of folk we could relate to and just plain dug whether they were prestigious, infamous or just plain stupid. It also took folks we loved and held in high regard. So in that theme I guess I do have a pledge...

I pledge to not give a damn.

As much as I (and every beauty pageant contestant) wants world peace, universal heathcare for ALL Americans and for most black folk to just be (mentally and spiritually) free (among other things), I can no longer give a damn about most of those things. The days of the political me have pretty much ended. I will still give a damn about the current status of the hood and all that live there... I'll still care about my family, friends and all that touches and affects them... Other than that. I could care less.

I'm also going to continue down the path I was going before all of this nonsense began. If I'm going to go out, I'm going out the way I wanna, not with a bang or a flash but doing what I want to do. Literally. Now I will get more sleep (because I really missed it - Hey pillows!) and stay away from the stimulants that caused my heart to beat a little too damn fast, but other than that... Nothing that a neurologist, cardiologist or endocrinologist can say or do (medically or chemically) will prevent me from doing my mother fucking thang.

This means increased travel (and a beat up passport), less 'work' and a whole lot of Hip Hop and Rock and Roll. Fuck sick days, from this point forward I'm calling off for 'well time'. I'll be damned if I go out like a sucker, trapped in some cubicle or back office hating my employment existence, wishing to be some other place when I can make the conscious choice to actually be there and when I can afford to be? 

Sheeeeeyit.

I've lived longer than what I have left... Might as well have some fun with whatever I got.

If I get it... 2010 is going to be SICK... Sick I tell you!

Now, let's transcribe these scans.

Friday's Phrase

 

 

"Your self-worth must be stronger than anyone's rejection."

Djehuty Ma'at-Ra

 

 

 

The Weight

Good Monday morning to all.

To steal from a few bloggers that I know and love, It is currently 34 degrees in Chicago.

• Our football team lost yesterday. No problem, it was expected
• It didn't snow this weekend. Matter of fact, it held around 40. That's a blessing.
• A metro passenger train derailed Friday afternoon and three commuter trains hit two cars and one pedestrian. The passenger train derailed in the hood. Limited news coverage. Hmmph.
• ANOTHER teenage sister went missing over the weekend. Again, limited coverages so:

Police are asking for the public’s help in finding a 14-year-old girl who was last seen at her grandmother’s home on the North Side Sunday. Tianna Huertas, who is 5-foot-2 and 120 pounds, was reported missing from the 2700 block of North Newland Avenue on the Northwest Side Saturday, according to a police News Affairs release.

Tianna was last seen at her grandmother’s home in the 5600 block of North Washtenaw Avenue Sunday, according to the release which said she frequents the are of West Berwyn and North Hoyne avenues in the Lincoln police District on the North Side. She may also be in the area of West Berwyn and North Winthrop avenues or the 6600 block of North Damen Avenue, according to the release.

Tianna is described in the release as a white Hispanic with brown eyes and hair, a medium complexion.

Anyone with information should contact Grand Central Area detectives at (312) 746-8365 or (312) 746-8282 or call 911. 

 AND

Police are still looking for a 13-year-old  girl who was last seen Nov. 5 in the Austin neighborhood on the West Side. Police said the date of last contact with her was in September. Mikaela Benit went missing from the 200 block of North Pine Avenue, according to a missing person alert from Grand Central Area detectives, who has issued the alert in September and November.

She was last seen at San Miguel School at 819 N. Leamington Ave. on Nov. 5, wearing a black and white checkered jacket, black/gray pants and gray Nike gym shoes. The alert said the day of last contact is Sep. 22.

Mikaela is described as black, 5-foot-3 and 90 pounds, with brown eyes, black hair and medium complexion.

She is known to frequent the area of West Washington Boulvard and North Waller Avenue, and may have been seen in the 4200 block of West Maypole Avenue on Nov. 25

Anyone with information should call 911 or  Grand Central Area detectives at (312) 746-8365.

December 15, 2009

Thank you to LostNMissing for both visiting the blog and providing a picture and additional info on Mikaela. You are appreciated for the work you do

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Other than that, it seems that the weight is still shifted on my side. My other half and I have and have had huge projects to complete and at first when we came back to Chicago I thought that we were both built to take the brunt of the weight. I'm not 100% wrong because I believe that words have the power of life and death and if you speak it into existence...

You know.

So my aunt had a certifiable cancerous growth removed from her 83 year old body. On top of that as I mentioned she also had bypass surgery based on what the docs 'found' while they were all up in there tinkering and things. The used this skin epoxy that was used on me a handful of years back. Kind of like crazy glue for the skin. Instead of using sutures and stitches, they just calculate exactly where they want to close you up and just do it. This has helped her recover tremendously. She is out of the hospital and chose the hospital rehab center right around the corner from my office to get back in the swing of things mobility wise. I am happy. Still means that we must do for/with her some things she used to do on her own (like driving and stuff), but I'm game.

My cousin had his kidney removed on the 29th of November and ended back in the hospital last week because the other kidney, well... Would not function. I think I know what's going on here but I choose to let him tell the fam. He's okay in the hospital but might need some assistance when he gets out...

My wife's cousin successfully had his thyroid removed last week. He is on the way to a full and complete recovery. If we're needed to bail out and get to him and his wife's side down south... We're there as well.

And then there is my wife's birthday, our anniversary and the 'holiday' in that order. It wasn't meant to be that way but it is. Three days in a row. Now I know people have tons of things they must accomplish or want to do for those days. I also know that with those three days riding in succession can make the most planned person feel great pressure. All of the 'sick', job fulfillment and significant day stuff is taking a toll on my wife. She's stressed, tired, has a chest cold and isn't used to all of this pressure coming down on her all at the same time, so I'll gladly take the weight.

Normally my military might kicks in and I'd be barking at her to just stay in the fray and just keep moving forward but I know she ain't a soldier for all of this. Yet. So I remain quiet. The financial demand can be staggering for some and for others, the management of time is crucial when they are able to handle other demands. We're in a good place financially so I'm thinking that all of this stuff bunched together is just a little too much for her. She needs a vacation and then one of those courses over at the Learning Annex on time management and such. I'm not afraid to say that because if she remains healthy and strong and ends up telling stories to the great grandkids the realization that it just doesn't stop will hit like a ton of bricks real soon. I would like her to be prepared for that.

Other than that, my pastry chef of a wife did a great job on her first big Chicago job over the weekend. There were some lessons learned about volume, demand and timing (cause' this ain't Tulsa) but she came out unscathed... And with a nice piece of paper remunerating her for her time and effort. It's been over a year now that we've both been 1099 people and the realization that you have to approach your business not like a W-2 job, but like it's YOUR business is finally starting to stick around here.

Also, vacations and spas and such are so in order after putting your head down and cranking it out for long periods of time.

You didn't think I was going to let my love hang out in Chi-Town after all of this went down, did ya?

Sometimes you gotta' take the weight.





The treadmill has me sticky.  Hitting the showers. Y'all have a wonderful Monday.








Enjoy them empty cubicles and the weird smells from the microwave in the break room.





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Wild And Wintery Wednesday

Wassup Fam!

I hope things are well wherever you are. Things are good here. Busy, but good. The weather is trying to whip our asses here in the midwest, but we're used to it so we shovel, salt and carry on. Schools and business just do not shut down in these here parts. We keep it moving.

Both the wife and I have HUGE projects that we're knee deep in, thus the absence. She has this event thingee with an African-American association over the weekend that can yield bountiful for future business in her realm. Me, I have to scout, recruit, interview and hire folk for my business. I'll also be responsible for training and managing them once they get over the hump and things. This is a huge undertaking, but I'm up for the task. I have done it before but I was an employee on those occasions. This time I'm the boss.

The thought of that for most is a scary thing. Some parts of it scares me, but not to the point where I won't get it done. Making the transition from employee to independent contractor was cool when I was driving a truck, but this is different. So very different. Had to go out the past couple of weeks and get my licensing, bond stuff and insurance together as well as assist my partners with minor cosmetics at our office location. Took my other half over there the other day and she got excited after seeing my new work environment. It's hard to see the vision if you haven't been to that person's ground zero.

I am very tired though. I'm getting probably 2 good hours of sleep and have been sliding around in the snow to get stuff done and it ain't stopping anytime soon. I'm also HTMLing and CSSing the hell out of 5 websites on some SEO stuff. Multiple streams. It will age you though, all the running around and monitor staring on limited sleep, but it pays to do what you wanna as well as knowing that the kids will be taken care of when the time comes.

Other than the work and long hours, we do get out and see folks, partake in things cultural and have regular activities. Let's see. My aunt had the tumor removed from her right lung earlier this week and we are on a wait and see basis to see if any cancerous cells escaped that area. Hopefully not. She also got a bonus surgery because the doctors found heavy plaque buildup around and in the heart, so she ended up getting a single bypass that went very well. We stopped in to see her Monday night and she was on top of things! Mother/Sister/Aunt is 83. Strong like bull. She's getting released before the end of the week.

Yep. Strong.Like.Bull. Beliee' Dat!!!

Hung out with the parents earlier this week as well. Helped my stepdad re-wire the surround sound in the basement. He boycotted his basement for 2 years after learning that his brother was murdered in Ponce, PR. He finally decided that he wanted his mancave back after being bored upstairs with my mother. Since summer ended, he can no longer hang out in the back yard and garage, grilling meat and such. So now with the help of his half sons he has been reunited with his pool table, big screen TV and his deafening surround system. Oh, and little brother installed a beer tap in/on his lounge table. Lord... Seems like my winter hangout will be over in my parent's basement.

Oh, and last night at the bowling alley... My other half bowled her highest score so far. She's a preemie when it comes to Fred Flintstone's favorite game, but she's getting better. She bowled a 110. Two strikes in ten frames and a few spares. I'm proud of her. Now all I gotta do is get the right weighted ball...

Oh and tonight, we'll be in the company of Chicago's newest CelebFoodie owner/curator of the Cupcake Gallery - Darius T. Williams as he's hosting a gang of folk on the cultural tip. We'll be knee deep in a performance to benefit www.beadforlife.org over at the Chicago Academy For The Arts. Wow, a fearless foursome of links right there, click on em! Pics will be taken as well as consuming a few of them delightfully sinful cupcakes the brother be baking. It's gonna be a good day! Bring the insulin!

And some extra batteries!

Okay... Too much typing over here. Time to get a quick 30 minute nap in. We have a bunch of stuff to do today. All up an through a heavy snow system that'll probably drop at least a foot of snow on the Chicago area. Ain't even worried. There are supposedly over 500 snow plow/salt trucks in service fueled and staffed courtesy of the Recovery And Reinvestment Act of 2009.

Y'all be easy.

SNOWBLOWER!!!

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We Remember Chairman Fred

This is a reprint of a Chicago Tribune article released forty years ago. I will never forget. I hope you take time to either know or remember.

UHURU!!!

December 4, 1969

The Black Panther Raid and the death of Fred Hampton

Controversy rages after seven minutes of gunfire silence two members of the revolutionary group.

Illinois Black Panther leader Fred Hampton in October 1969. Two months later he was dead after a violent police raid at a West Side apartment that was a stronghold of the Illinois Black Panther Party. The seven minutes of gunfire that took place became one of the most hotly disputed incidents of the turbulent 1960s. (Photo courtesy Chicago Today)

By Ted Gregory Chicago Tribune

With sunrise more than an hour away, eight police officers from the Cook County state's attorney's office crept to the front of a tattered two-flat on Chicago's West Side. Another six officers were at the back door. Inside, nine people slept in the first-floor apartment, where 19 guns and more than 1,000 rounds of ammunition were stored. This apartment, at 2337 W. Monroe St., was a stronghold of the Illinois Black Panther Party, a branch of a national group known for revolutionary politics and for killing cops.

About 4:45 a.m., Sgt. Daniel Groth knocked on the front door. When there was no answer, he knocked with his gun. The next seven minutes of gunfire became one of the most hotly disputed incidents of the turbulent 1960s. After the shooting stopped, Illinois Black Panther leader Fred Hampton, 21, and a party leader from Peoria, Mark Clark, 22, were dead.

Racial tensions, police suspicion and the Panthers' radical politics had already proved a volatile combination. Founded in 1966, the party quickly became a menacing, yet romanticized, force. In the two years before the raid, police and Panthers had engaged in eight gun battles nationally, in which three police officers and five Panthers died. Four of the shootouts, including one in which two police officers were killed, occurred in Chicago.

In the angry controversy after the raid, police maintained they were justified in opening fire, but the Panthers saw the raid as a pretext for killing Hampton.

The Tribune became part of the uproar when it published a photograph showing holes in a door jamb that it identified as coming from bullets fired from inside the apartment. They proved to be nail heads.

Months later, a federal investigation showed that only one shot was fired by the Panthers, although that number remained in dispute. Police fired 82 to 99 shots.

The raid ended the promising political career of Cook County State's Atty. Edward V. Hanrahan, who was indicted but cleared with 13 other law-enforcement agents on charges of obstructing justice. Bernard Carey, a Republican, defeated him in the next election, in part because of the support of outraged black voters.

Black Panthers' Fred Hampton at a Grant Park rally in 1969. (The lines seen on the image are damage to the original print from Tribune files) Hampton was killed in his Chicago apartment during a raid by a tactical unit of the Cook County State's Attorney's Office, in conjunction with the Chicago Police Department and the Federal Bureau of Investigation, that same year.

Know the truth about what happened.

All power to the people.

When Saving Face Does Nothing To Save Anything

The president will speak to us tonight...

As someone who participated in a campaign to either end an evil regime or nation build or whatever the news agencies called it damn near twenty years ago I have to say, it is time for us to come home.

I understand that our current sitting president has to clean up the mess of the previous administration. I also understand that it makes no sense. I also understand that even folks like Helen Thomas didn't press the press secretary enough a few years back and not one liberal writer came out and explained why the press was so silent...

Wait. Just a handful of years ago a small handful of conservatives (meaning the ones with media influence - figure it out yourselves. Oops, you already know) went McCarthy on us and questioned folks' patriotism, and even the drug dealer on the corner in the hood decided that it was too risky to open his or her mouth and criticize the powers that be, thus letting the administration pump lies to us based on the fear of domestic terrorism.

And no one said anything. And young men and women with us as families and friends continued to die for a country that does not respect us, a democratic state of being and most importantly their women. Why we changed the original lie about hunting Osama Bin Laden and said that we were partnering up with a country trustworthy enough to build a democracy, physically and figuratively seeing the corruption and the ideology opposite of ours while committing additional forces and money to it was and still is the biggest lie.

To ourselves.

Regardless of where you stand with the president, Camp Obama graduate or Tea Party grass roots organizer, you recognize that losing our family members in a pointless campaign is us committing ourselves in destroying our greatest resource. Ourselves. If we continue down this path our security in living in the greatest nation on the planet will be compromised. I remember coming home more than anything else and the two to three years it took for me to adapt. I witnessed some of my peers go through psycological and family related emotional problems. I also visited a couple of folks homes where I either went to school with, served or trained with or lived down the street from someone they loved that never came back.

It has been nine years. It it time to come home.

I read fiction, watch a few sci-fi related TV shows when I get the chance and also dream from time to time. There have been a few authors and TV producers that created the idea that certain disease either was curable and needed an additional element provided by miraculous discovery or gifted to us by some alien race. I have had dreams that sicknesses were cured. I have diabetes and I have a strong interest in controlling and curing this disease at the molecular level. I fast, have given up eating and drinking certain things and do things daily to control my disease and I am healthier for it but it is nothing compared to what three of my friends and a cousin have to live with on the daily. They either live with HIV or have full blown AIDS.

Just like these paragraphs are way the hell down here on the page, the fact that World Aids Day is today has taken a back seat. Our press corps and the largest handful of our brightest have focused on the war and a presidential speech telling us what we already know: If we don't unilaterally pull out of Afghanistan, we have already lost like the British, the Russians and other nations. We have no business there. We should not partner with nations that do not see women with equal stance. Children should not live in fear. If we make drug trafficking illegal, we should hold our partner nations to the same standard, especially if their freedom is our goal in helping stabilize and build their nation under the guise of a democracy.

Again, it is time to come home.

Nothing great has been accomplished with our actions over there. There probably has or probably will be some great mind wasted in battle (well, there isn't much battle these days, we lose our soldiers, marines, airmen and sailors by other means) that could provide a genetic link or a molecular marker that could lead to the cure of this disease. Some folks suffer, even when they can maintain life through chemical imbalance like some of my people do.

But then again others suffer when their loved one is sent away to fight and sometimes die or come back totally mind fucked from fighting in an unnecessary war, seeing and doing the most unbelievable things. And then we come home to the regularity of waiting for our burgers in the drive thru, never revealing to our families the atrocities of our actions as well as never properly re-acclimating ourselves...

Dangerous.

It seems even with an exit strategy, more money and effort will be pumped into death and destruction rather than research and development in finding some semblance of a cure. And the rest of us continue to suffer.

post 601

This is my six hundred and first post.

This is also my second to last post for the National Blog Posting Month thingee. I missed out on posting on the first of the month, so I owe you one. that I will do.

It's been mostly a few rants and a lot of hint dropping about my new business ownership. Leave it to me to let folks know in the next to last post that I have ventured into business ownership. Over the last couple of months, I've used research, prospecting, investment and risk management to be where I am right now with said business. It is what it is and I'll do what I can to be successful. This stuff keeps me too involved and too busy to be knee deep in emotion over it.

It is what it is and it will turn out to be whatever I put into it. I'll get specific about it soon.

I'll probably keep up and write more, but not every day like during November. I need to keep some sort of schedule because my work takes most of my day. It's like a whole new series of things have taken over my old habit of doing things. Keeps me occupied though, and I like that.

I also involved myself with 3 more ventures that take up the valuable time I used to surf and catch blogs with. Those you'll actually see right here on the internet if you look hard enough. Busy is good when you're doing something you actually want to do, and I am really enjoying working for myself and building. I'm hoping that it continues to be contagious...

Sunday

*voting present*


Saw my sister off... I'm wishing them a safe journey.

The Blahist Of Saturdays

Saturday was the blah-ist of days...

Nothing really happened today other than spending some time with my sibs and my wife.

No one actually acts like they appreciate time spent and the fact that folks are healthy and fine.

It's cool though. I treat each day like a Klingon with the saying "today is a good day to die!"

Seriously, it probably is. The fact that you comply with certain aspects of bullshit, bundled with the status quo and other people's excuses means that you live life and do what you gotta to get thru the day and get your your happy place of satisfaction and appreciation. Dealing with conditioning (both cultural and institutional), fear and intimidation is a part of making do with life itself.

It is a sad thing that there are just a few people out there that can deal with a smile. I am not one of them, although I no longer frown and complain about to the masses. I just nod and respect other people's shit and move on with mine.

Although it is rough dealing with spoiled people, the privileged and the clueless... I do.

It's entertaining to an extent.

Fr, Fr, Fr, Friday...

Since I'm required to blog everydamnday I guess I'll put something here for Friday.

Friggin Friday.

Um... lemme see:

Woke up this morning in Oklahoma and am currently blogging this from Chicago after waking up from a nap which means we did a little traveling. Got in this evening. Quick, fast and in a hurry. Them truck driver skills are pretty damn handy when moving cross country. Not tired by a lick. I want to go bowling but my other half got the ickies...

Whatever man.

And my brother JUST called on the way back from seeing 'Ninja Assassin'.

Fucker.

Heh. Dude just bought a pool table this morning at one of them black Friday sales. His house... Bring the beer and the limes. We brought back a GANG of non-leftovers. I call em' that because my mother AND grandmother in-law actually cooked us fresh jawns to take with us back to the Chi. Lucky us. I still want a snowball from the Oleagian's Snowball spot on Ponce De Leon and Moreland even though they won't be open until April.... And, um... They're in Atlanta. Uh oh, I smell another road trip!

You know, I just thought about it... The wife and I spent the entire damn year on the road and it wasn't by way of a tractor trailer:

Feb: New Orleans
May-June: Atlanta
July: Chicago, Tulsa
July-September: Las Vegas and a stop in Long Beach
Sep: Chicago
Nov: Cherokee Nation, Tulsa

And now the real work begins. Now that the opportunity to control my calender really exists via business ownership, travel will have to be put on the back burner because building a business is more important than anything else. And we're taking possession of a house in the next couple of weeks, so building that and balancing our schedules, networking, making new contacts and most importantly achieving goals (revenue, data, blah blah blah) becomes my/our life's work.

I'll be begging for days like today in the very near future.

But as for right now... ANOTHER NAP!!!


And then another powerpoint presentation to put together as well as creating a few job listings of different variety using the same copy from corporate to post for next week is in order.

Y'all be easy. Use the pepto and extinguish all of the cranberry sauce. Psyllium husk and juice feasting works wonders in getting back to 'normal'. I might sneak out after the wife's Theraflu kicks in and bowl a few frames...


SUCCOTASH!!!

Thursday Blahs

It was an average Thursday with some un-average things that happened within it.

Slept in late, got up and did the three S's...
Visited, had brunch and came back to home base.
Went out, visited again, had a drink... Again, returned to home base.
Visited yet again after a stop over Grandma's house, came back and watched football.

Took a brief nap and got up to blog this right here.

See, an average Thursday with a few non-average things happening right in the middle there.

Folks were off work, traffic was calm and finally ran into chitterlings on the very last visit. I avoided them like the plague. Got a chance to watch all three football games with the exception of when I was riding. I didn't have to drive, my wife did that. Sweet ass. Let's see if she's game for running the interstate at o-dark thirty tomorrow morning in the next installment of the Ntimbanjayo Family Roadtrip.

She might be.

No turkeys or pigs were harmed in the making of our Thursday. It was good to get out and see people, good to meet others. You'd be surprised how much of today was a t-shirt and crocs styled day.

I hear Friday will be huge for some. Hope y'all ain't still drunk offa' food...

Blah, blah, blah (hey sis!)...





And that was my Thursday.








BUTTERSCOTCH!!!

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Status Report

So we made it here... Deep in the heart of Cherokee Nation.

I ended up driving the whole way and it really didn't bother me. I thought of my wife and the difficulties she has with driving at night. Didn't want to go through any unnecessary drama with all of the big rigs and travelers out there not really minding the road, so I just took us all the way in.

No problem.

As we dove down the state of Illinois into Missouri, finally getting to Oklahoma a lot of things crossed my mind in the midst of loud music and a partially open window. The whistling of the wind forcing its way through the barely opened window complemented the noise perfectly as I somehow made a ten hour drive feel like running errands around town.

Been vegging all day, taking notes and studying numbers related to the business venture. I am beyond excited at this point and have been taking my mind off of all things business by sampling brunch and dinner items made by my mother in-law. Haven't been out, haven't done anything more than go over numbers, create a couple of slide shows and debate with myself about how I'll be managing my time come this weekend. I need to have a careful balance of things so I can spend time with my sister who's leaving Monday and get some stuff done businesswise as well as hang out with my other half.

I was moved and humbled when I read The Second Sixty-Eight's blog post earlier this evening. I'm still trying to find the words...

It's not a crazy or unnecessary anger/lashing out at the world or a cry for help when 'the shit' hits you. I too think too damn much about how I will leave my wife and family when I die. I work overtime literally and figuratively to make sure she is taken care of so there is no additional burden. The specter of death, especially when it happens in bunches will make you think of yourself, but I am now just coming to an understanding on how to deal with 'the shit' and how to make it work in my favor.

The fear or respect of dying should motivate you in all that you do. The realization that you are still here is enough for me to realize that I should enjoy every moment like I do now. There will be time for work, sacrifice, nonsense and crying but know that you are still here. The creator has a masterplan.

I don't get all in a huff over being thankful for things on one day out of the year. I do see that I have been placed in places, met people and have broken bread and have done things and experienced so much in these damn near thirty nine years that I have to stop, pause and take a breath and just give a spiritual head nod, a dap and a pound... And it doesn't take a day in November for me to realize and recognize.

All things in due time my friend.

Savor them good thangs from the past, don't second guess yourself about what wasn't done and look forward to what tomorrow brings by doing the damn thing today. I'm learning to do all of these things and it has increased the good, enhanced the quality of the great and gives me the opportunity to live the excellent, even when 'the shit' comes and visits in an attempt to share its misery.

Some of y'all got time off... Enjoy that. I'll be watching football.

Ntimbanjayo Family Roadtrip - Revisited

 The highway hijinx continues down old route 66 with stops in the following cities:

Darien, IL

Springfield, IL

St. Louis MO

Springfield, MO

Joplin, MO

Tulsa, OK
Chicago, IL


Be sure to check out the presentation later this week in the heart of Cherokee Nation!

Monday Night Live

Damn, I almost forgot to blog.

Not that I forgot, forgot...

I have been a little busy visiting folks. See, my sister and her family came in from Texas and there is a 2 month old that I just had to meet and spend time with.

Ooooh, the progress from the new business venture is off the chain! Can't wait to tell the world. Okay, maybe I can. The moment you tell folks something, there is always a naysayer, a doubter a band wagon jumper and a silent hater claiming to give you the utmost support. All I can say is that there is nothing like being self employed...

I feel like DJay from 'Hustle And Flow' suggesting that certain folk to repeat saying "I'm in charge" because they never either actually said it or have been there. It's okay. It takes time for a lot of people to drop their conditioning. It's weird though because that's all I read about learning about the history of our country, including the sharecropper hustle our ancestors were a part of.

It's time to hit the road. My other half and I are headed to Cherokee Nation tomorrow to spend time with the folks for the remainder of the week. Pics, vids and on the road blogging to follow. Yobo seems eager to get back home. I'll be eager whenever we get off the road... The truck driver in me has some concern about road conditions, fatigue and the hurry up nature of unskilled drivers, hungry and chomping at the bit to get to grandma's house.

Congratulations to Joe Mauer. Get that money kid.

It's a new moon! Nikki would have rambled on and on about that and the power it emanates...

Hey, don't let visions of turkey and dressing keep you from making 3 calls to your senator and congressperson. The senate's debate next week looks like a difficult conversation to have with some democrats saying that they'll filibuster as well as most all republicans. Reform is something that needs to happen. It doesn't necessarily have to happen the way its proposed or written right now so... Let your voice as a constituent be heard since they're eating thanksgiving dinner on your dime...

If you see me in and around the mall and over there at that one strip mall over there politicking starting in December... No I won't be shopping but I will expect you to be buying something... And no, I'm not the manager.

Or the salesperson.





Cribs don't pay for themselves.

CONVOY!!!

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Running The Option

I just snagged this from the Chicago Sun-Times comment column posted by some cat whose screen name is 'A_Better_Tomorrow'. Check the vocab:

Any surplus, even $1, would be better than the $1,000,000,000,000. deficit President Obama inherited.
I wonder what tune you would be singing if Clinton left Bush a trillion dollar debt.

When passed, health plans will not all of the sudden be free. Your comments suggest you think the government is going to be providing free heath care to everyone. If you really believe that, that's sad. The government is not going to be paying for your insurance. The end user -- you, me, your employer, everyone -- will still pay for their own plan. The government is not going to pay for you, if that's what you think.

Let me break it down for you.

You can ship a package using private carriers, UPS or Fed Ex, or, you can use the public option -- the United States Postal Service. See, it's not hard. You decide what's best for you. But whichever one you pick, it's not free. Now, if you like your insurance--great, if you want to use the public plan, that's okay too (if available in your state).

Will public option plans cost less? Yes, because they don't have to make a profit. So if you switch to a public plan -- your out-of-pocket costs will be lower (good for you). See, just like it costs more to ship a package using UPS or Fed Ex than going to the post office.

Did he do a good job in explaining what could happen after a vigorous senate debate next month?

Maybe.

After yesterday, I think LSU should have run the wishbone instead of the option, huh? Damn. I had hope. Shouts to Ohio State as well.

Speaking of college football, another stolen quote this time from the one and only Roland S Martin via facebook and Twitter. Peep his adlib:

"I love it when Notre Dame loses. They fired Ty Willingham, saw Charlie Weis as their savior, gave him a HUGE contract, and he's horrible!"

I expressed that comment a couple of years ago. Like my man Ason Unique aka The short order cook in 'State Property' aka Old Dirt Dog aka Dirt McGirt dba Big Baby Jesus aka Osirus who y'all knew as Old Dirty Bastard said time and time again: 'Shame on a NUH who try to run game on a NUH!'

Uncle Ty, we love you man.

And to think, my aunt offered up 3 tickets to that ND game and I almost bit. Rolling up in my momma's house looking like a superhero Friday night. My cousin is in the band and I've never been to the big house in South Bend... But I just couldn't do it. Plus I was busy yesterday anyway. I think she probably wanted me to drive out there too. Hmmph!

Whatever.

When Notre Dame and St Mary's can get their shit right when dealing with certain folks as well as dignatries and such...

So glad ND lost. Roland was on it with that comment. Ascot wearing ass... Rocking that haberdashery like a 70s preacher with a pimp for a stylist.




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592

This is post # 592.

I had to think of something to post about with me participating in National Blog Posting Month.

Coming up with stuff to post about isn't hard, coming up with stuff to post about everydamnday is a whole other thing. There is always stuff going thru my mind, so I'll share my Saturday load. Onto the mindspill!

• I'm bugging out on how we as a people are just so damn quiet about certain folk wanting to legislate us back into the 1950s, placing certain controls over our sister's reproductive rights. From what I've read and heard on the news/talk stuff that I listen to on the satellite radio thingee I overlisten to as I drive (Joe Madison, Randi Rhodes, Glenn Beck, Warren Ballentine, Al Sharpton, The 2 Live Stews, Stephanie Miller, Sean Hannity, Brian Higgins, Kodjoe Namdi, and the POTUS channel along with others), write ups, mark ups and proposed bills other than the new advice being given about pap smears, mamograms and such are being composed by a few old, white men. That aren't doctors. Or women. Imagine that?
  

• I'm planning on getting back out to Southern California sooner than later. I need to spend more time in Long Beach with the fam and Terry and I have more drinking and toasting to do. 

• The wife and I are currently watching CSPAN witnessing republican cats blather on about nothing in the budget committee meeting, participating in the discussion to further negotiate the healthcare bill. These cats have charts, graphs and factoids but are stammering along repetitively with non issues. Wow. And we're paying for this. I wana laugh, but it ain't funny because this is purposely being done to stall... Never mind.

• My sister is in town with her family. I'm spending more time with my 2 nieces and nephew (as wel as spending time with my other nephews but they're ALWAYS here, my sister's children aren't). I'm also probably going to drown in the masses of over a million and a half people when we take em' to the Disney festival of lights thingee downtown... And we might go to the circus too? There are like 6 to 10 kids totally DESTROYING either my mother or brother's house right now.

• Women took a hit on the chin this week with suggestions on self care based on study numbers and not the human element, new bills on the floor of congress that may become policy on how, when and where my sisters will deal with reproductive issues and with Oprah's pre-leave announcement, huh?

• I guess since we've tried other 9/11 offenders in NYC successfully I guess the constitution works. So KSM should be tried there and not in a military tribunal because um, er... It wasn't military or combat action that took down the twin towers

• Iverson to the Sixers seems appropriate to me. You can always go home again, ask Bobby Brown.

• Wait, Oprah obtained the Discovery Channel? Daaaaaaaaaamn. Biggest power move I've seen in a long time.

• I was driving on the highway the other day and saw the arena where the circus is and you could smell them elephants... From like a half mile away. You think there's at least one outfit in someone's travel closet that doesn't smell like that? And furthermore, how does one kick it for some non-circus fraternization off compound without lighting up the club or venue with elephunk?

• Omar's 'For Pleasure' album still gives... Takes my head out of the death game. I've mentioned about anger and deep thought about dying more than a few times this week. I can't shake it and I'm fine with it at this point. I've taken to a Klingon saying (Trekkie - sup Kirk!) used upon waking and in expression: 'Today is a good day to die!!!' I like that. Can't stop it, can't avoid it caused it a time or two either inadvertently or by choice so... Might as well accept the fact that death is a regular and daily part of life for the living, huh? Sometimes doing or thinking about other stuff isn't enough. Cats like Omar and the kind of funk he cranks out helps me get out of my funk.

• Reminder to stay in Pop's ass after watching him down some grape soda and ice cream last night. Watching my mother and father in the same room at the same time more than twenty years after splitting is a hilarious thing. Other than my older brother who was absent, I had my whole damn immediate family in the same location. We probably should have made the announcement then, but there is hope that all of my sibs and I will be together before we split and go in opposite directions in two days

• HUGE meeting with business partners Monday... It's gonna be hard watching football tomorrow and prepping for my presentation. Whatever, this one is in the bag. Plus, I've taken on yet ANOTHER marketing thingee that should keep me busy and decently compensated that blends in seamlessly with the other stuff already on the table.

• Did you know that the National Association of Free Clinics has another FREE mega clinic screening thingee going on in Little Rock, AR today? So far, more than 1.7 million dollars has been raised to set up free clinics for folks that need a little healthcare. I hope people show up in bunches so the data can get to congress and I hope people that need help can actually get it

• Bought yet another GPS module and I can firmly state that the Insignia brand GPS needs a faster processor and a little bit of Jesus. I get to put it to work big time in a couple of days though. Right now, I'm thinking store credit and an exchange for a Garmin product

• Atlanta is still in play. It'll be different if that happens, but...

Pretty much what's going on up there. Now I gotta run to the cell phone store, and then back home, and then to the Cupcake Gallery for the grand opening, and then hand out cupcakes to the nieces and nephews, and sit with mom and go over the time share thingee, and then go with the kiddies and help them navigate the Festival of Lights thingee downtown with literally a million other people and then maybe the circus, and then a possible grown folk veg out if we can get my sibs away form the chilluns and then some quiet time with my other half.

Saturday. 592.

How Many Times Can I Say 'I'm Juat A Regular Cat' In One Post?

I live among a murder of crows.

Ain't no mo' you, ain't no mo' me
It's only us but no unity
Got yo' eyes open still can't see
You' soul is priceless but you'll die for free

I am just a regular cat. I have never attempted to put a title on my own shit. I had issue with other people calling themselves things they couldn't live up to (or even wanna) but that has passed. Sometimes folks need motivation, Others need fodder.

Whatever.


I am very flawed. I have made mistakes and some of them continue to shadow over me. I have had triumphs that I've forgotten and failures that just won't leave me the fuck alone. Just like everybody else. I ain't that damn special. Well, let certain friends, family and especially my wife tell it... We've known each other since 2005 when we were both in different places. We drew together because there was commonality. We were thrust together in 2006 because of the same thing. We were in the same place(s) at the same time in 2007 and after going thru some shit, it was evident...


That doesn't stop her from being the enemy sometimes. But that's how marriage is supposed to be, so we adjust and build trust all while giving each other the side eye.

I have friends and I have only one enemy. My friends know I'm loyal and my enemy... Well, my dad and brother stopped me from traveling south to actually cause that person physical harm. I had already let go of a lot of pint up shit, but I did want to take it out on that person anyway. The rage of a confused kid from the hood lashing out at nothing combined with the savage shit I learned in the Army is a bad combination for those that strike against me or mine. Things were put in motion to harm my wife and I lost income over negroes talking shit based on uncontrolled emotion and bad communication. Regardless how I got here I have a family and I will kill to protect them.

Just like you would.


Speaking of which, I was a soldier. I did bad shit. My mind charges my physical with constant reminders of the things I volunteered to do in the name of a few politicians which affects my soul. I know that there will be a heavy price to pay for my participation and cooperation for the things we set in motion... Charge that to my ignorance and conditioning, it got me a degree and IT certifications I do not use.


I owe people favors, a couple are owed to me and I hold a couple of secrets that have the power to crush, destroy as well as indict and convict. I owe people money, am in debt with the IRS and defaulted on one of my student loans. I have faith but do not believe, know more musically than I have read in books and I have never done anything that I regret, save meeting my enemy. I do not want to resolve that shit because I have an ego and I will not lose even if that means death. I secretly wish (it's out now that I'm writing this) death and destruction on one person and their family.

Is it you don't know? Is it they don't show?
If it is, then realize them crackers don't owe you no explanation
Yo' hesitation to learn the truth will be yo' extermination
That's why we gotta put the bullshit to rest
Excuse me, I'm 'bout to get some shit off my chest
 Brothas are still dying it aint' no excuse
A.I.D.S. got it where the people can't reproduce

I am saddened, feel left and insulted that I lost one of my best friends damn near three months ago. Saddened because I had first hand knowledge of what was going on and I could do nothing, feel left because she was my Gemini Twin in her creative while I was hers in my expression and insulted because mother fuckers still don't want to get that shit right regarding who we were to each other. There was a lot of chatter and outright lies bouncing around and aimed at my wife as to who and what she was to me. She was married at one point and got free, and although I knew this it was never in my place to indicate that to anyone outside of our circle.

Yeah, we had a circle. There were other people there, actually a bunch. She actually tried to fix me up with two of her girls (both are former bloggers so the inside joke was wider than a lot knew).  We vetted each other's lovers/friends and I just so happen to know that man that loves her most. Wasn't hard to keep those secrets because she was happy doing what she did and I respected that and her with me. It was hard to not lash out against the world because folks including those that called themselves close to me over the years thought something else.

It's sad because some of you will never know what it is to be kindred with someone creatively that you saw as an equal, even though I admired her talent and thought (and think) of her as leaps and bounds ahead of me creatively and wasn't afraid to say it. I was asked to remain silent and just keep things moving. I respected that, thought it would be the best thing to do and just rode the wave, knowing that there were some that didn't know, didn't understand and were probably just plain jealous of what they thought we had... The presumption of that shit destroyed a few relationships for the both of us but I look at that as a qualifier because it paired her with the man who loves her most and the woman that loves me unconditionally.

Um... Plus her guy got a chance to go unnoticed until very late in the game because people thought that she and I were... While my wife got hate mail and sophomoric rumor reports. Nice, huh? What really got me was the shit my wife got from folks when my friend passed away. It's a few of y'all out there that haven't grown past that high school shit. It's one of you that still can't get your story right and it (still) bothers the shit out of you. It's cool though. I hope y'all still have the power to facebook and/or blog when your ass starts to struggle thru a sickness or better yet lose your best friend or a family member. I have a mind to be right there like paparazzi on Brittany so I can root your ass on straight to your cold, damp grave or better yet, I might start a few nasty little rumors myself lying about how you got sick or who I thought you were fucking.

You disrespectful bastids. I am a writer and I can crank out fiction...

Ni@#as don't wanna listen when you tell it like it is
Can't even get his own cause you worried 'bout his
Regardless where you from I'm your got-damn brother
We ain't never ever gon' make it without each other
Seek and you'll find but we gon' stay lost until...
One Million Ni@#as Inside this frame of mind...

You see the truth is that I am just a regular cat. That's all I am. I care about my community and I want the world to be a better place. At the same time, I can only care about the health and welfare of my family, and in this time of 'Thanksgiving', I am grown enough to have dinner at my own house. That means that all that I do from this point is to build for the good of me and mine. I can love all of y'all but I'm going to have to do it from a distance.


Yeah, I've had death on my mind since I lost my sister from another mister. The fact of how things went down as well as us being the same age with the things going on in our lives and how they mirrored took me aback when things started to take a turn, and that affected me in a way that I did not understand. I still am trying to process things now, but I know (because Ladynay was on point in suggesting that I think things all the way thru to get to my next phase) that there is something for me to do, even if I die tomorrow.


I care not of what folks think. I share by blogging because I want to. Maybe that helps me, it ain't meant to inspire others because I am not a therapist or guru. Never claimed that shit, so don't give it to me. I know that the words I've written here have affected some, others more and in more ways than one. I appreciate that, apologize and hope that you understand that by spending a little time here that it's me mostly venting and going thru a sort of written self assessment. That's all this is.


I know that I live among a murder of crows.


Don't know what that is? Well, it's a bunch of black birds, scavenger and destructive in nature that sit and wait... Sit and wait for the destruction to come so they can feed in the aftermath. Every day I see more of them gathering and squawking, waiting for the fallen to lay unguarded so they can casually pick at their flesh. This is the world I live in. I'm still here for a reason, there is work to do.

I'm just going thru a thang in which I'm trying to overstand... Death can knock the living on their asses like it did me, and I'm just trying to find my place. I got lost in thought for a moment but I know I can't stand still. Everyone gets in a fog when things like this happen. I know what I have to do though. This is a hard adjustment because I know that it ain't going to be what we planned. Yeah, we planned some shit and my half is no good without the other half so I re-strategize.


I'm just a regular cat that probably does things in a way different than you do, but it's all for the same purpose. I have thoughts and emotions, needs and wants just like everyone else. I sometimes have the need to do things like everyone does. Like right now... I have to pee





Passages in italicized blue - Goodie Mob: Live At The O.M.N.I. -CeeLo's verse




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