Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


Tuesday, November 29, 2005

I don't wanna leave...

Alarm clock sounds...

I fight the day by closing my eyes.
I smell you.
Can't go back to sleep, forehead moist.
This morning, I rise!

The morning urge to have you wrap yourself around me
has taken over.

Sheets are damp,
heavy breathing, eyes roll back and my mouth is dry.
My hands tremble as I try to wake you.
We will be late getting to work today,
But my morning drive will be filled with

We became one as the sun rose,
exchanging the juices that makes my day flow.

An hour passes,
to break the physical bond will break my flow.
Don't stop...
Yank my locks, scratch my skin, exclaim joy
but call my name softly.

And call my job, I need the rest of the day off...

I got housework to do.

copyright 2005 Hassan Ntimbanjayo (I just wrote this...) and yeah, I said it!!!

I must come clean about some things. I felt like I haven't had self worth as of late. I lost confidence in myself. I didn't think that I had people in my corner and acted like nobody cared. My actions hurt people, and for that I am truly sorry. I thought if I pulled myself away from everything that I would be okay. I was wrong, all that did was isolate me in negativity and push my loved ones farther away. All of the things I do and all of the people I love and love me exist because this is what the Creator has blessed me with. I forgot about his will. I wanted to run from family problems and suppressed emotions. I needed to open my eyes and be glad in God's blessing. Some folks don't have as much as I do.

There are people who love me. There are opportunities for me to excel in. There are projects that I need to complete that will make me happy and create a fellowship with those that have the same interests as I from parts far and wide. I have a life to enjoy. I have someone to share new experiences with and build and grow. I cannot compromise this. It means too much to me.

I need to get back to basics, so I'm back on my fast. When I wake up, the first hour of the day was for meditation and reflection about all things. I will now re-focus my energies during this time on one thing: the betterment of self through giving and spiritual strength. I will continue to blog, and schedule time to do that and continue to write, edit and make music. I will make sure I accomplish something major every day as I compose my business plan.

I'm back in the gym as well, making sure I get my workout in so I can keep off of insulin and use cardio and diet to manage my diabetes.

There is someone that has displayed strength and showed me that one can balance life, get things done and give love unselfishly. I am so astounded by her spirit, in love with her sensibility and am astounded by her calm. I wish on quiet day I can have her eyes because of how she sees the world. I have been shown loyalty and patience, family and fellowship and the serious vibration of the possibilities of that love thang... From this one person. I pray that the bond we've established will not break. I am inspired by your presence and want to give all of me to build us. You showed me. I see. I have light to see further in the darkness because you shine.

Thank you.
Love you.
Owe you.
Wanna be next to you.
I'm loving your light.
You make me happy to be me.


Chubby Chocolate said...

I know the slump you're feeling, but when compared to you it's on a smaller level...Makes me feel silly for even being in a funk. Started off down, but the end result was inspiring.

Anonymous said...


I don't know what that is, but it must be deep.

We all get that way. Believe it or not, I feel exactly how you feel, different situation, but the feelings are still the same.
At least you have someone you love and that loves you back to be there with you, through these trying times.

NameLiar said...

Love is a beautiful surely can bring a silver lining to a dark cloud.

nikki said...

that's what i'm talking about! your girl definitely has your back. i'm glad you're confident in that because she sounds like a wonderful person who deserves the good kinda love :) i will continue to pray for you both as i hope you two to find the happiness you are seeking through each other.

Rose said...

This was a very beautiful and inspirational post. As you as you give thanks and God his due you will continue to blossom both in love and success. What a wonderful girl you have and she should feel blessed for you to cay those things about her.

Pamalicious said...

I had to come over here because my bro's name is Hassan and based on the attributes that nme possesses and everyone I know who has it - this should be fun,lol

I'll be digging in to see what chu about bro and so far based on this post - nice.

Superstar Nic said...

At first I was like wtf????

But then I just had to use my little pc skills to translate your poem and I must say "VERY NICE"!! I really liked that!