Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


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Monday, April 28, 2008

Is It A Bird... Flying Over A Woman... With Big Breasteses???

It's been a minute, I know.

I've grown a year older (so some say) and I've just observed the harsh realities of living in America pass by with little to no resistance.

I'm not sad.

Not angry either.

I knew all the time that we were right where we are now because most of us need entertainment and distractions to keep us sane.

Me?

I'm enjoying life and doing pretty much what I want to do. It's hard to get back into some sort of blogging groove when stuff like this is happening. My wife and I spend a whole lot of time together and we've done the extreme/tv/naked couch thing just as much as we've crossed into five states so far in the big rig. She tries to hang in there as my co-pilot but her seat in the truck isn't an air ride seat like mine.

Although I like to watch her breasteses bounce all over the interstate as I navigate Big Baby II (what I call the rig) I gotta get the cargo there safely so my eyes go back to the road. I still peek though. Those are my tits anyway, right? Better than some stranger titties. Stranger titties can't cook or want to soak in the jacuzzi with my smelly, fresh off-the-road ass or likes going out for stir fry. Plus, I know the noise from the truck, my loud-ass old school hip hop and the constant bumps of the road has to be the most uncomfortable thing for my wife ever, so I appreciate her weekly ride outs in the truck with me.

I like the road...

I can't believe that I'm giving that all up to work from home. Haven't set up the office yet, but...

I don't like the reality of working from home. A little too confining for me but I gotta do for my family. And I secretly want her to go back to work and let me take maternity leave when the baby comes. That'll make working from home cool.

Until I get drowend out by a screaming child with a client on the phone...




Did I just blog about my wife's breasts?

And a baby?


Okay, I'm out.

Here's a promise: I'll blog EVERYDAY IN THE MONTH OF MAY
Well, that's the plan. But it's April right now, so....


I gotta go.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Words From A Blissfully Happy Dude

You ever wonder if this is the place you're supposed to be?

I stopped asking myself that question a while ago.

I was just on the phone with my sister in spirit talking about being in the right place at the right time with the right people in the right situation regardless what other people want for you. We ended up talking about being knee deep in what other folks wanted for you and how it kills you in tiny particles the longer you stay in it.

I realized a while ago that I'm not standing knee deep in someone else's doo doo.

I also realized that even though I went down a path I had no clue about I am where I want and need to be. Even though I never wanted to get married or have children or be a family man. It took my blog crush from the peach state and all of the shit she muddled thru to motivate me to do what I did in 06' in just trashing everything and starting over from scratch.

Even though I dialed into someone that was too busy finding and developing self and needed me in a different capacity in which she hadn't vocalized...

Befriended a sister that I should have befriended first so I could have taken her works and writings to heart and to spirit instead of attempting to date her...

I know I took the right path to where I am now.

I never intended to marry my wife when I did. Don't get it twisted, I'm glad I did and our relationship over the years has led me to being in this place but that wasn't my original intent, the marriage part that is. I got the engagement ring the day I was to fly to Vegas and knew the night I proposed that I was to lock this relationship up forever. I wasn't that unsure about marriage but I had questions about the timing of things. Weird though... Everything we did from the night I landed in Vegas to the day we got married was supposed to happen. And that happened without our consent.

Glad it did though. Being in that time and place was an immense blessing.

That's when I knew that it had absolutely nothing to do with my music, poetry or business dealings I aligned myself with when I returned to Chicago. My family comes first, and I am just a bit player in that whole movement and I have to do what I must to maintain family ties, grow that in the name of love and be rich in its movement. The moment I stepped back from myself in all of my selfishness things immediately got better.

I already knew who I was and what I could do.
I already knew what needed to be done to further self and gain from that monetarily.
I already had the knowledge and skill set to help me do what I wanted.

All of that 'knowledge' got me nowhere fast in the past.

What I didn't know is that I had to get a box of nails instead of trying to always swing the damn hammer. I also had to have faith that whoever had the hammer wasn't going to smash my damn fingers as I held the nail.

That means we're building the roof in the grand scheme of things in our lives. The foundation was already there and everyone from my sibs and extended family and friends to my wife in her dealings ignored that it was standing right there in our faces and we acted like it didn't exist. I guess that's why Jesus was a carpenter, huh?

I'm supposed to be right here in Chicago with my family building and not in Atlanta chasing things that aren't there for me.

I'm supposed to be a husband, a father, a son, brother or uncle because what we create and cultivate whether it be nieces and nephews, cousins or siblings or big up one of my many parents is the support we need to have in order to be a strong unit. What we have accomplished since my return family wise has been amazing. Blame my great aunt for cussing us to get out collective shit together and bonding and doing for each other like we never have before. Elders are elders for that reason. That was the catalyst for change, and so far the support has been a great reason for other family member's successes. Even got a cat out of jail. He went to work the same day he got bailed out. And to think, they fired him the day he got arrested.

I'm supposed to look at my life and see more than just myself, and that's where family and friends come in. I couldn't see that back then because although there were other people that helped and assisted me, some folks were right there but for all the wrong reasons. That ain't a slight to anyone in particular, it's just the truth. Since I got out of the military in 1992, there have been many standing right there prepping to be in the family picture but only a few actually remain to be photographed. For whatever reason... Most of the folks that have been there have my blood running through their veins or is close to someone that has.

I'm not supposed to tell you wheat I'm doing these days. For a few that come through here (just a few), the hateration level, sarcasm and doubt remains at levels too high to measure. Just because you cannot do doesn't mean we haven't already done.

My spirit comes first. For some that's God or something, someone or some things in the spiritual realm. After that comes my wife and then my family and friends. Now days when I have something to say that I'd want to blog about or something or another I can turn over in bed, call my brother or sister or say it to a friend over a cold adult beverage.

That's what's up.

Or I can always call my lawyer.

Or my little sister in the spirit.

I think that's how things are supposed to be in my little world. I'm settling into my home (nee: The Compound), still flying around the country (and driving less) to visit new family and friends. Prepping for huge events and squeezing in vacation time while maintaining quality time with my other half. I'm having fun and enjoying being who I am, where I am.

I thank my unseen muse (remember that piece?). I still think about you and am glad you're doing well. You still remain to be exactly what you've always been, but...

Someone else is having my baby. I love her dearly and am glad that we chose each other. That was right and exact in the eye of The Creator and I'm excited in seeing what tomorrow brings us. As for you, I already see that what we talked about is on its way.

And you still inspire me to write the hot shit.

Alyson, Langston and the DOD don't have to call that far in advance... I think we'll get an itinerary beforehand anyway...

And I think we'll know when The Second Sixty-Eight is coming...

And I still have thoughts of a life happy in a shade of creativelyblue...





I have no idea what I just blogged about... I was just typing and have no desire to delete what I just said. And why should I?

Monday, April 14, 2008

Whatever It Takes

I am amazingly lazy when it comes to blogposts these days. I've gotten complacent and trust me when I say that this is a good thing. For most of my adult life I resisted a life like this when it is exactly what I both wanted and needed. The trust issues I had with myself and others manifested in me doing things and being in places that I either didn't want or like or wasn't supposed to be in the first damn place.

I can't get mad at myself like I want to because I would have never gotten here. I needed to do all of the things I needed to do in order to keep this timeline. I'm one of those folks that believe in the time-space continuum. All of the actions, events and emotions from back in the day are absolutely necessary for me to be right here, right now. Any variation would have me someplace else, miserable and wishing that I could get it over quickly.

And I know that some of y'all that stop thru here wish I was that miserable, lost non-person that used to rant and rave all over the place all unhappy and thangs wishing that my life could end just as quick as some of the BS that came thru and affected my life, but no. In this moment I cannot be that person because he is long dead. And rightfully so. He served no purpose whereas I... Well, you know about me these days.

The poetry is still being written, it's just not being shared with you.

Whatever it takes y'all.

Take no offense to song and written word not being put in this place, like years ago when I existed in a more blissfully ignorant state I have outlets other than here on Blogger for my outbursts. There is more to life than trying to squeeze the extremes of life here on the internet. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have a life partner that I can trust with everything and just a little while ago I could look you in the eye and tell you that a person like that did not exist.

Well, they didn't.

I never knew that I'd find completion right under my nose. Not like that. Really. Seems right though because I've known her like forever but never thought that it could be her. I'm grateful that things in this universe move the way that they do.

Lazy blogposts.

Days without thinking about coming here even though my 85% of my job is done over the internet and I'm still writing and composing. I guess when I get the urge I will still share. Maybe not. I got a lot of White Sox games to attend.

And after last night, hanging out with my best friend could be defined either with my brother, my road dog or my wife. The synergy in the oneness of that statement meaning the same thing is life changing for me. A lot of us cannot make that happen for the life of us, but I know now I can.

Now, all we need to do is get our singles together for the strip club...

I'm kidding.

Unless my wife likes to go... Knowing where a stripper has been spoils the experience for me, so I normally chaperon those field trips, hang out in the back and not drink in attempts to keep my dogs from overspending, fighting and overindulging in the cheap adult beverages offered in those spots. I'll have to check and see is she wants to go. That'll be an adventure.

Just hold the 151 please.

Other than that, I'll keep up my incocnegro pace and enjoy being in this moment. I still know the web address, I'll be around.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Its Memphis, Man...

It's Monday night and I think I just got the use of both of my nostrils since sometime last year. May not mean crap to you but it has great significance to me. It's been so long since I've been able to breathe using my entire nose.

It was a nice, quiet weekend I had.
Hope yours was just as good.

My other half and I was supposed to spend the weekend in Memphis. I've never been to the Lorraine Motel and really wanted to go this past but, we just didn't go. She even suggested that I go by myself while she visited folks back in her old home state but I balked at going to something so significant alone.

I didn't want to be in Memphis by myself. Not without my anchor. It would have been too much emotionally with rededications, reflecting, marching and all, so I put in a little work and she didn't have to take time Friday and today away from the new gig. We'll save that for later this month I guess.

We did spend a quiet weekend here at the compound.
We did get out so we could walk it out.
Shared breakfast, lunch, dinner and breakfast again (wash, rinse and repeat) with no interruptions from outsiders... That was friggin great right there!

Sounds pretty boring to you maybe, but being right here, right now in this moment is as cool as the other side of the pillow.

I'm going to watch the rest of the national championship game, go soak with my Yobo and prep for another day. My mother always says that it's right there in front of you. If I wake up tomorrow then I'll get to it when I get there. Tonight, I'm just going to enjoy what's in front of me.

Hey, stop reading this and go do the same.

I'm so proud of you Brother Derrick. From the Chi, to Memphis to San Antonio... Champ has a nice ring to it.

Hometown!!! The crown jewel of the 'Dream Team'

Shouts to Kansas for bring defense and their 'A' game.

Fin.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Friday and Photosynthesis

I mean, really...

I'm not even in the mood to blog anymore. Not that I feel like I'm running out of things to say or wax poetically about, I'm just content in the place that I am right now. Blame my wife for that.

After getting to Chicago and settling in at the compound I knew I was home. I knew that my futurebabymomma was going to be all fertilized up with my seed and bare the Ntimbanjayo linage. I had a feeling that family ties would bind just a little tighter, and it has.

  • My mother and mother in-law consistently calls everydamnday
  • Conversation with my sis every 90 days or so but talks to my other half all the time
  • My brothers and I... Are brothers
  • My health is optimal
I can count the years since I've been this content with the way things are in my life. It almost feels unreal. I wish everyone can get to this point in life and actually know that it exists. I feel like... Aw, eff it... TIME FOR A POEM!!!

Photosynthesis


Each breath that I take is triumph over my adversity

Once long ago I stammered and strained to keep my lungs full
and now a happy pain from over strain puts a wince on my face due to over breathing

isn't THAT something?

Every inhale is a minor accomplishment inside of a major movement.

The prime example of the intricacies that is the makeup of my singular existence and the example of how other organisms evolve from simple nothingness happens every time I strain for air

From molecules of moisture that battle and clash with each ounce of oxygen being drawn deep into cavernous flesh captured to fuel movement, feelings and cognitive thought mindlessly racing thru tubes of darkness enriching my bloodstream invoking silly little ditties that pass as thought invoking thought, never does the subtle act of this fraction of a second


or any other


occur in my mind that this process
was created by the highest order enriching the lowest of the low free and equal to everyone and happening at the exact same moments

as mine...

So I let it go. I exhale.

Releasing particles and gaseous fractions of nothingness that bond with itself under the sun self-recycled, traveling at the speed of sound running smack dab into another organism just to fuel its tiny existence

Being absorbed and released
absorbed and released
absorbed and released
changing in its chemical makeup but enriching all that it touches all the same

And I, just a tiny speck of organic being needing just a tiny bit of blanket of this that surrounds and absorbs all that it touches gets just a little more of it in every count of this unequal rhythm we share but never acknowledge

You just breathed my air
I couldn't help but absorb what you expelled...


and you vice versa

I guess that means we're kindred.

I guess that means we function on the same parameters of all things in this omniverse.

Overstand?

I guess that means I'm free.
Just as you are...
And to think, yesterday I could not breathe

And now, as I always have I depend on your participation in the grand scheme of things


Yours depends on my reciprocation as well.



So is my happy the result of our human acts of photosynthesis... Or am I happy that I just get a little air?
written on the fly in this moment...
2008 Hassan Olumoroti Ntimbanjayo - Sho Nuff, Ya Dig?