Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


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Thursday, April 17, 2008

Words From A Blissfully Happy Dude

You ever wonder if this is the place you're supposed to be?

I stopped asking myself that question a while ago.

I was just on the phone with my sister in spirit talking about being in the right place at the right time with the right people in the right situation regardless what other people want for you. We ended up talking about being knee deep in what other folks wanted for you and how it kills you in tiny particles the longer you stay in it.

I realized a while ago that I'm not standing knee deep in someone else's doo doo.

I also realized that even though I went down a path I had no clue about I am where I want and need to be. Even though I never wanted to get married or have children or be a family man. It took my blog crush from the peach state and all of the shit she muddled thru to motivate me to do what I did in 06' in just trashing everything and starting over from scratch.

Even though I dialed into someone that was too busy finding and developing self and needed me in a different capacity in which she hadn't vocalized...

Befriended a sister that I should have befriended first so I could have taken her works and writings to heart and to spirit instead of attempting to date her...

I know I took the right path to where I am now.

I never intended to marry my wife when I did. Don't get it twisted, I'm glad I did and our relationship over the years has led me to being in this place but that wasn't my original intent, the marriage part that is. I got the engagement ring the day I was to fly to Vegas and knew the night I proposed that I was to lock this relationship up forever. I wasn't that unsure about marriage but I had questions about the timing of things. Weird though... Everything we did from the night I landed in Vegas to the day we got married was supposed to happen. And that happened without our consent.

Glad it did though. Being in that time and place was an immense blessing.

That's when I knew that it had absolutely nothing to do with my music, poetry or business dealings I aligned myself with when I returned to Chicago. My family comes first, and I am just a bit player in that whole movement and I have to do what I must to maintain family ties, grow that in the name of love and be rich in its movement. The moment I stepped back from myself in all of my selfishness things immediately got better.

I already knew who I was and what I could do.
I already knew what needed to be done to further self and gain from that monetarily.
I already had the knowledge and skill set to help me do what I wanted.

All of that 'knowledge' got me nowhere fast in the past.

What I didn't know is that I had to get a box of nails instead of trying to always swing the damn hammer. I also had to have faith that whoever had the hammer wasn't going to smash my damn fingers as I held the nail.

That means we're building the roof in the grand scheme of things in our lives. The foundation was already there and everyone from my sibs and extended family and friends to my wife in her dealings ignored that it was standing right there in our faces and we acted like it didn't exist. I guess that's why Jesus was a carpenter, huh?

I'm supposed to be right here in Chicago with my family building and not in Atlanta chasing things that aren't there for me.

I'm supposed to be a husband, a father, a son, brother or uncle because what we create and cultivate whether it be nieces and nephews, cousins or siblings or big up one of my many parents is the support we need to have in order to be a strong unit. What we have accomplished since my return family wise has been amazing. Blame my great aunt for cussing us to get out collective shit together and bonding and doing for each other like we never have before. Elders are elders for that reason. That was the catalyst for change, and so far the support has been a great reason for other family member's successes. Even got a cat out of jail. He went to work the same day he got bailed out. And to think, they fired him the day he got arrested.

I'm supposed to look at my life and see more than just myself, and that's where family and friends come in. I couldn't see that back then because although there were other people that helped and assisted me, some folks were right there but for all the wrong reasons. That ain't a slight to anyone in particular, it's just the truth. Since I got out of the military in 1992, there have been many standing right there prepping to be in the family picture but only a few actually remain to be photographed. For whatever reason... Most of the folks that have been there have my blood running through their veins or is close to someone that has.

I'm not supposed to tell you wheat I'm doing these days. For a few that come through here (just a few), the hateration level, sarcasm and doubt remains at levels too high to measure. Just because you cannot do doesn't mean we haven't already done.

My spirit comes first. For some that's God or something, someone or some things in the spiritual realm. After that comes my wife and then my family and friends. Now days when I have something to say that I'd want to blog about or something or another I can turn over in bed, call my brother or sister or say it to a friend over a cold adult beverage.

That's what's up.

Or I can always call my lawyer.

Or my little sister in the spirit.

I think that's how things are supposed to be in my little world. I'm settling into my home (nee: The Compound), still flying around the country (and driving less) to visit new family and friends. Prepping for huge events and squeezing in vacation time while maintaining quality time with my other half. I'm having fun and enjoying being who I am, where I am.

I thank my unseen muse (remember that piece?). I still think about you and am glad you're doing well. You still remain to be exactly what you've always been, but...

Someone else is having my baby. I love her dearly and am glad that we chose each other. That was right and exact in the eye of The Creator and I'm excited in seeing what tomorrow brings us. As for you, I already see that what we talked about is on its way.

And you still inspire me to write the hot shit.

Alyson, Langston and the DOD don't have to call that far in advance... I think we'll get an itinerary beforehand anyway...

And I think we'll know when The Second Sixty-Eight is coming...

And I still have thoughts of a life happy in a shade of creativelyblue...





I have no idea what I just blogged about... I was just typing and have no desire to delete what I just said. And why should I?

8 comments:

Aly Cat 121 said...

Sh*t Bro. Langston done already been across the Mississippi to Illinois. Now that fool talking about driving 250 miles to an organic grocery store. LOL. So uh, don't be surprised.

Do ya thang bro, folks always gonna be mad "thinking" they the one and not knowing they not even on the radar. *shakin head*

Bananas said...

It's good to know that all is right with your universe ain't it?

There's no better feelin' than to know you got it all in sync.

Keep on keepin' on!

The Brown Blogger said...

Alyson:

250 miles? Nah... Tell bruh that there has to be a Whole Foods (or something of the like) somewhere in the general Lou' vicinity.

I wasn't singling anyone out, I was just saying that since 92' when I got loose from army activities things have been suspect at least.

I had a big part in that because I was doing what I though I was supposed to do or what others wanted or projected for me (y'all look good together, ish like that).

I know now that I'm supposed to gravitate to my groove, and if the dance steps are down, then...

Terry:

It ain't all in sync but it's a good start. I can feel my soul at ease and the internal struggle to try to force things into correctness just is not there. I know that I am in the right place just due to the ease of dealing with whatever. There is ease of compatibility, ease of spirituality, folks know where they are internally/emotionally/physically/spiritually and there is no struggle to force things to fit things/people/situations/places where they don't belong. There is harmony in all things but it takes time and emotional investment to make everything good. I know that I can die today and not have any worries about being dead and leaving this realm. It takes time in being a grown ass man and finding other grown folks to vibe with takes time and some effort and tribulation.

There will be turmoil in the future, but I have the learned tools to deal and I deal with others that have been there, weathered storms and are also students of the 'being grown' philosophy.

It's not all mashed potatoes and gravy, but we're getting there and having fun in the journey.

The Second Sixty-Eight said...

Sounds like things are starting to fall into place for you. The hard work was indeed worth it if one believes your testimony.

I am happy for ya.

I am striving in that direction myself. And you are showing me that it is best that I keep working too.

Gallis said...

That's one helluva post bro.

nikki said...

great post! just reiterates what was said a few days back. the world is a great place and now we're in the right places spiritually to enjoy it!

Chubby Chocolate said...

WOW. That was something.Inspiring.

Luke Cage said...

Hassan, your bliss is intoxicating brother. Enjoy it to the fullest and whatever you do, don't acknowledge naysayers. They love that shit. Greetings to the other half brah.