Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


Thursday, March 25, 2010

Know The Ledge

Office of the Law Revision Counsel, U.S. House of Representatives

    18 USC Sec. 115                                             01/05/2009






    Sec. 115. Influencing, impeding, or retaliating against a Federal

      official by threatening or injuring a family member


      (a)(1) Whoever - 

        (A) assaults, kidnaps, or murders, or attempts or conspires to

      kidnap or murder, or threatens to assault, kidnap or murder a

      member of the immediate family of a United States official, a

      United States judge, a Federal law enforcement officer, or an

      official whose killing would be a crime under section 1114 of

      this title; or

        (B) threatens to assault, kidnap, or murder, a United States

      official, a United States judge, a Federal law enforcement

      officer, or an official whose killing would be a crime under such


with intent to impede, intimidate, or interfere with such official,

    judge, or law enforcement officer while engaged in the performance

    of official duties, or with intent to retaliate against such

    official, judge, or law enforcement officer on account of the

    performance of official duties, shall be punished as provided in

    subsection (b).

      (2) Whoever assaults, kidnaps, or murders, or attempts or

    conspires to kidnap or murder, or threatens to assault, kidnap, or

    murder, any person who formerly served as a person designated in

    paragraph (1), or a member of the immediate family of any person

    who formerly served as a person designated in paragraph (1), with

    intent to retaliate against such person on account of the

    performance of official duties during the term of service of such

    person, shall be punished as provided in subsection (b).

      (b)(1) The punishment for an assault in violation of this section

    is - 

        (A) a fine under this title; and

        (B)(i) if the assault consists of a simple assault, a term of

      imprisonment for not more than 1 year;

        (ii) if the assault involved physical contact with the victim

      of that assault or the intent to commit another felony, a term of

      imprisonment for not more than 10 years;

        (iii) if the assault resulted in bodily injury, a term of

      imprisonment for not more than 20 years; or

        (iv) if the assault resulted in serious bodily injury (as that

      term is defined in section 1365 of this title, and including any

      conduct that, if the conduct occurred in the special maritime and

      territorial jurisdiction of the United States, would violate

      section 2241 or 2242 of this title) or a dangerous weapon was

      used during and in relation to the offense, a term of

      imprisonment for not more than 30 years.

(2) A kidnapping, attempted kidnapping, or conspiracy to kidnap

    in violation of this section shall be punished as provided in

    section 1201 of this title for the kidnapping or attempted

    kidnapping of, or a conspiracy to kidnap, a person described in

    section 1201(a)(5) of this title.

      (3) A murder, attempted murder, or conspiracy to murder in

    violation of this section shall be punished as provided in sections

    1111, 1113, and 1117 of this title.

      (4) A threat made in violation of this section shall be punished

    by a fine under this title or imprisonment for a term of not more

    than 10 years, or both, except that imprisonment for a threatened

    assault shall not exceed 6 years.

      (c) As used in this section, the term - 

        (1) "Federal law enforcement officer" means any officer, agent,

      or employee of the United States authorized by law or by a

      Government agency to engage in or supervise the prevention,

      detection, investigation, or prosecution of any violation of

      Federal criminal law;

        (2) "immediate family member" of an individual means - 

          (A) his spouse, parent, brother or sister, child or person to

        whom he stands in loco parentis; or

          (B) any other person living in his household and related to

        him by blood or marriage;

(3) "United States judge" means any judicial officer of the

      United States, and includes a justice of the Supreme Court and a

      United States magistrate judge; and

        (4) "United States official" means the President, President-

      elect, Vice President, Vice President-elect, a Member of

      Congress, a member-elect of Congress, a member of the executive

      branch who is the head of a department listed in 5 U.S.C. 101, or

      the Director of the Central Intelligence Agency.

(d) This section shall not interfere with the investigative

    authority of the United States Secret Service, as provided under

    sections 3056, 871, and 879 of this title.


    (Added Pub. L. 98-473, title II, Sec. 1008(a), Oct. 12, 1984, 98

    Stat. 2140; amended Pub. L. 99-646, Secs. 37(a), 60, Nov. 10, 1986,

    100 Stat. 3599, 3613; Pub. L. 100-690, title VI, Sec. 6487(f)[b],

    Nov. 18, 1988, 102 Stat. 4386; Pub. L. 101-647, title XXXV, Sec.

    3508, Nov. 29, 1990, 104 Stat. 4922; Pub. L. 101-650, title III,

    Sec. 321, Dec. 1, 1990, 104 Stat. 5117; Pub. L. 103-322, title

    XXXIII, Secs. 330016(2)(C), 330021(1), Sept. 13, 1994, 108 Stat.

    2148, 2150; Pub. L. 104-132, title VII, Secs. 723(a), 727(b), Apr.

    24, 1996, 110 Stat. 1300, 1302; Pub. L. 107-273, div. B, title IV,

    Sec. 4002(b)(9), div. C, title I, Sec. 11008(c), Nov. 2, 2002, 116

    Stat. 1808, 1818; Pub. L. 110-177, title II, Sec. 208(a), Jan. 7,

    2008, 121 Stat. 2538.)



      2008 - Subsec. (b)(1). Pub. L. 110-177 added par. (1) and struck

    out former par. (1) which read as follows: "An assault in violation

    of this section shall be punished as provided in section 111 of

    this title."

      2002 - Subsec. (b)(2). Pub. L. 107-273, Sec. 4002(b)(9),

    substituted "or attempted kidnapping of, or a conspiracy to kidnap,

    a person" for ", attempted kidnapping, or conspiracy to kidnap of a


      Subsec. (b)(4). Pub. L. 107-273, Sec. 11008(c), substituted "10"

    for "five" and "6" for "three".

      1996 - Subsec. (a)(1)(A). Pub. L. 104-132, Sec. 723(a)(1),

    inserted "or conspires" after "attempts".

      Subsec. (a)(2). Pub. L. 104-132, Sec. 727(b)(1), which directed

    insertion of ", or threatens to assault, kidnap, or murder, any

    person who formerly served as a person designated in paragraph (1),

    or" after "assaults, kidnaps, or murders, or attempts to kidnap or

    murder", was executed by making the substitution after "assaults,

    kidnaps, or murders, or attempts or conspires to kidnap or murder"

    to reflect the probable intent of Congress and the amendment by

    Pub. L. 104-132, Sec. 723(a)(1). See below.

      Pub. L. 104-132, Sec. 723(a)(1), inserted "or conspires" after


      Subsec. (b)(2). Pub. L. 104-132, Sec. 723(a)(2), substituted ",

    attempted kidnapping, or conspiracy to kidnap" for "or attempted

    kidnapping" in two places.

      Subsec. (b)(3). Pub. L. 104-132, Sec. 723(a)(3), substituted ",

    attempted murder, or conspiracy to murder" and ", 1113, and 1117"

    for "or attempted murder" and "and 1113", respectively.

      Subsec. (d). Pub. L. 104-132, Sec. 727(b)(2), added subsec. (d).

      1994 - Subsec. (b)(2). Pub. L. 103-322, Sec. 330021(1),

    substituted "kidnapping" for "kidnaping" in two places.

      Subsec. (b)(4). Pub. L. 103-322, Sec. 330016(2)(C), substituted

    "fine under this title" for "fine of not more than $5,000".

      1990 - Subsec. (c)(4). Pub. L. 101-647 substituted "the Central"

    for "The Central".

      1988 - Subsec. (a). Pub. L. 100-690 amended subsec. (a)

    generally. Prior to amendment, subsec. (a) read as follows:

    "Whoever assaults, kidnaps, or murders, or attempts to kidnap or

    murder, or threatens to assault, kidnap or murder a member of the

    immediate family of a United States official, a United States

    judge, a Federal law enforcement officer, or an official whose

    killing would be a crime under section 1114 of this title, or

    threatens to assault, kidnap, or murder, a United States official,

    a United States judge, a Federal law enforcement officer, or an

    official whose killing would be a crime under such section with

    intent to impede, intimidate, interfere with, or retaliate against

    such official, judge or law enforcement officer while engaged in or

    on account of the performance of official duties, shall be punished

    as provided in subsection (b)."

      1986 - Subsec. (a). Pub. L. 99-646, Sec. 60, substituted "section

    1114 of this title, or threatens to assault, kidnap, or murder, a

    United States official, a United States judge, a Federal law

    enforcement officer, or an official whose killing would be a crime

    under such section" for "18 U.S.C. 1114, as amended,", "while

    engaged" for "while he is engaged", and "official duties" for "his

    official duties".

      Subsec. (b)(2). Pub. L. 99-646, Sec. 37(a), inserted "for the

    kidnapping or attempted kidnapping of a person described in section

    1201(a)(5) of this title".


                              CHANGE OF NAME                          

      Reference to the Director of Central Intelligence or the Director

    of the Central Intelligence Agency in the Director's capacity as

    the head of the intelligence community deemed to be a reference to

    the Director of National Intelligence. Reference to the Director of

    Central Intelligence or the Director of the Central Intelligence

    Agency in the Director's capacity as the head of the Central

    Intelligence Agency deemed to be a reference to the Director of the

    Central Intelligence Agency. See section 1081(a), (b) of Pub. L.

    108-458, set out as a note under section 401 of Title 50, War and

    National Defense.

      "United States magistrate judge" substituted for "United States

    magistrate" in subsec. (c)(3) pursuant to section 321 of Pub. L.

    101-650, set out as a note under section 631 of Title 28, Judiciary

    and Judicial Procedure.


                           TRANSFER OF FUNCTIONS                       

      For transfer of the functions, personnel, assets, and obligations

    of the United States Secret Service, including the functions of the

    Secretary of the Treasury relating thereto, to the Secretary of

    Homeland Security, and for treatment of related references, see

    sections 381, 551(d), 552(d), and 557 of Title 6, Domestic

    Security, and the Department of Homeland Security Reorganization

    Plan of November 25, 2002, as modified, set out as a note under

    section 542 of Title 6.

Sedition is a term of law which refers to overt conduct, such as speech and organization, that is deemed by the legal authority as tending toward insurrection against the established order. Sedition often includes subversion of a constitution and incitement of discontent (orresistance) to lawful authority. Sedition may include any commotion, though not aimed at direct and open violence against the laws. Seditious words in writing are seditious libel. A seditionist is one who engages in or promotes the interests of sedition.
Typically, sedition is considered a subversive act, and the overt acts that may be prosecutable under sedition laws vary from one legal code to another. Where the history of these legal codes has been traced, there is also a record of the change in the definition of the elements constituting sedition at certain points in history. This overview has served to develop a sociological definition of sedition as well, within the study of state persecution.
The difference between sedition and treason consists primarily in the subjective ultimate object of the violation to the public peace. Sedition does not consist of levying war against a government nor of adhering to its enemies, giving enemies aid, and giving enemies comfort. Nor does it consist, in most representative democracies, of peaceful protest against a government, nor of attempting to change the government bydemocratic means (such as direct democracy or constitutional convention).
Sedition is the stirring up of rebellion against the government in power. Treason is the violation of allegiance to one's sovereign or state, giving aid to enemies, or levying war against one's state. Sedition is encouraging one's fellow citizens to rebel against their state, whereas treason is actually betraying one's country by aiding and abetting another state. Sedition laws somewhat equate to terrorism and public order laws.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Live From Beale Street

Monday, March 22, 2010

The Least Of These

On the last day, Jesus will say to those on His right hand, "Come, enter the Kingdom. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was sick and you visited me." Then Jesus will turn to those on His left hand and say, "Depart from me because I was hungry and you did not feed me, I was thirsty and you did not give me to drink, I was sick and you did not visit me." These will ask Him, "When did we see You hungry, or thirsty or sick and did not come to Your help?" And Jesus will answer them, "Whatever you neglected to do unto one of these least of these, you neglected to do unto Me!"

Mother Teresa of Calcutta
Opening statement given at the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington DC Thur, 3 Feb 94

Please don't think that you have to put this behind you. This will be an issue that you will continue to speak of until you hit your grave.

In my eyes, it's nice that somewhere around 32 million more Americans will have access to healthcare, and that most Americans (if they want) can have federal subsidies pay for healthcare. It's also not all gloom and doom that there is a mandate requiring all to have at least a minimum of catastrophic health insurance or one has to pay into a pool which would be used to pay for the massive healthcare overhaul whenever the president sings the bill into law. We have used our military, intellectual and diplomatic might to help put other countries in a similar position over the past 100 or so years. All of the countries we assisted in tearing down (Germany, Japan, France to name some of the major players) we also suggested and constructed their version of universal healthcare as well as ways of government.

I urge all of you that haven't taken the time and don't know to check out Roosevelt's Second Bill Of Rights. While this never came into existence, it would have shut down any conversation we're having now about what is a right versus what is privilege. Our country has taken a hard turn downward and to the right since FDR passed.

This leads me to my belief that the passage of HR 3590 is one of the most important bill passages in civil rights history.

See, most of that 32 million that will have access to healthcare when that bill gets signed are some form of brown skinned person. Access and affordability when it comes to healthcare has been one of the most pressing issues along with obtaining a proper and equal education, the unbalanced bias of the justice system, overall freedoms of citizenship and access to resources that are readily available to all Americans.

It's not that this is overly complicated. It's not that it wasn't explained properly and thoroughly. In repeated attempts to marginalize, discredit and slander the African American president over suggesting a very tattered and used policy that we've seen before (even with the kickbacks, payoffs and back room deals) and his administration as well as the politicians and civilians that assisted the crafting of the 2010 bill, a certain group of Americans chose not to understand and have been and will continue to use hatred, racism and nationalism to paint the process and continued actions in a negative light.

They purposely misinterpreted the words and actions. They lied and slandered their way to an argumentative point with no real counter. They rallied millions against their own personal interests in continued efforts to marginalize, undervalue and underestimate the president, and those that would receive access once healthcare would be overhauled using the excuse of overtaxation and the emergence of a welfare state.

Racism by way of nationalism and white privilege. There, I said it.

Now of course, it ain't everybody, just that fringe 15% that has the power to infect the masses. The fringe has done well. Whereas the internet, newspapers, television and plain old word of mouth have worked out well in informing the masses and giving us access to research we can do on our own accord, it was a certain fringe that flooded the airwaves and reading periodicals, the internet and spread lies and gossip about a certain 'so-called' communist, Marxist, socialist, Muslim's evil agenda.

They taught me as a kid (in those old history books that still had MLK alive and under terror watch by JEH) that we were a nation of a mixed beautiful mass, hellbent on helping our fellow citizen thus forming a more perfect union. Unless you're brown skinned, of course. I live with the overstanding that in this country, our cultural conditioning teaches us to consider all things African American inferior and all things Caucasian superior and based on our cultural conditioning, African Americans are marginalized, undervalued and underestimated.

So mad some folks are over this black man at the helm of our country and that policy has been raised, voted on and enacted so that more folk that look like him will be able to remain healthy due to access to the same freedoms that they have been since the establishment of this union...

I urge you to not put this behind you. I beg of you to not forget these moments. I can tell you with all certainty that they will not.

Wealth's True Joy

One of the greatest joys we can experience is that of knowing that we are secure enough in our resources to do our part to ensure that others can enjoy blessings similar to our own. There is a sense of impotence that comes with being unable to share our limited wealth with people in need. When we achieve a level of abundance that allows us to make use of the richness of our lives in a charitable and selfless manner, we come to understand that money and possessions have little value beyond what they are used for. Used philanthropically, our resources become a blessing more profound than any we’ve enjoyed in the past because we understand that we are not the only ones positively impacted by them. As you use your resources to do good in life, you will feel, for the first time, truly appreciative of your abundance.

Djehuty Ma'at-Ra

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Live From Frenchmen Street

Happy Saturday morning...

Friday, March 19, 2010

Sunday! Sunday!! Sunday!!!

I was denied healthcare coverage January 2008 by Blue Cross/Blue Shield while working for JB Hunt Transportation in its lease program due to me having diabetes. I was also denied term life insurance and disability by some other company I cannot recall right now as well. It was cool though, I'm a veteran of the US Armed Forces. I got my back covered.

Funny thing is that I went out and bought my own coverage from BC/BS which cost much more than the Group Universal prices I was used to paying along with contributions from my employers over the years when I was an employee. I've always had some form of Blue Cross in my adult life. I also have been a federal employee most of my adult life until 2004...

So I was given less than a million dollars of lifetime coverages and my deductible back in 08 was high as hell...

I've had my setbacks since I was diagnosed as a diabetic in 1998. Most of my problems came in late 06 and throughout 07. In 07, I was in Houston and my host suggested that I go to the VA Hospital to care for pneumonia-like symptoms I displayed when I got down there from Chicago. It took 6 weeks to get an appointment because the Houston VA system is a bit crowded, I was skeptical about the VA, but I had no other choice but to go.

I went and was taken care of. My portion of care for me to pay for was minimal, right around 20%. There is a flat rate for prescriptions... If I weren't a married man first quarter of 2008, I would have never wanted to buy into the insurance system. I know that my other half was used to a certain amount of care plus she wasn't eligible for the VA CHAMPUS system.

So over the past damn near 25 years I've been aware enough to know, this health care shit (and I really mean that... it's bullshit) has worked against the people that attempt to support it in order to live.

My dad has been with his company for 25 years this summer, he has that Cadillac ish...
My moms works for a hospital system 21 years this fall...
My step-dad is 11 years in the City of Chicago's workforce and health care system...
My sister is a BSN and her husband is a financial broker. The money and care is there...
Little Bruh, 5+ years management with big energy. His wife, board licensed Chicago school teacher
Older brother like myself, business owner and med policy wrangler (for now) because there are employees...
My wife is self employed and also teaches in a university system and is married to me...
Mother in law is 17+ plus years deep working for a private hospital in Oklahoma...
Father in law is retired military...

I've only witnessed the bullshit from afar, mouth agape after listening to co-workers and friends off the old block. I'm fortunate to have basically all of my family covered either financially or coverage-wise that I have never had to wonder about paying for care as we receive it.

I don't know what feels like, and I don't ever want to know.

But I know that it exists. I worked for both Hewitt Associates and Mercer HR, two of the largest healthcare administrators in the country. The providers make, keep money and pay out to facilities, doctors and administrators when coverages can be cut. Nothing else has to be said. That's the business, literally. If you have the stomach to see this movie, see the latest SAW flick. If you have to hold your hands over your eyes and plug your ears from hearing people die in the various scenes...

Wait. No. Watch that shit. There is a message sent there.

Because no one cringes or covers their eyes when coverages disappear from your loved ones and friends. No one seems to really care if you're sitting there, blood pressure rising not because you have a medical condition, but because you're sweating over how to pay for this shit as you or momma or someone is being treated.

We have to worry about being able to afford to live. Now that's some shit right there.

Now I ain't nobody special. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth or didn't come from money, but I don't have to worry much if and when someone in my immediate family gets sick. We have money to pay the outstanding balances, have the coverages to cover and some of us have legacy dollars going towards health care into retirement. We worked for that, and we do not want it to be taken away. Now imagine if I were some conservative cat from the other side of the tracks, never once being knee deep in the shit at the postal plant, the US Army or in a dank, sweaty call center making sales calls with NO insurance on a shitty hourly wage.

Imagine if I never had those friends and co-workers that had health care episodes. Imagine if I never had to go to the county hospital as a kid, waiting 14 hours for some fucking cough syrup for bronchitis or ampecillen for strep throat. Imagine that I never drove a truck and seen dudes out there for 7 or 8 months straight, just driving because their kid has spina bifida. This is real. This may not be the package that some desire, but the current health care adjustments (because both bills passed already) is necessary or else we will not be able to afford to survive sickness.

Having a political stance and walking lock step into a vote about the welfare of the people is an absolute wrong move. Talk about out of touch and uncaring? Like I said, it's been about 25 years since I've been in the know about these things only because I watched the cowboy president and his administration work people up against their own interests, take away regulations that would have safety netted us financially these past 20+ months or so and also break unions.

This Sunday afternoon about 2:30 pm eastern daylight time is too damn important to let roll by without 216 yea votes for approval for the Senate's revision of the health care reform bill. Keep that on your mind. It's imperative that we at least take first steps so we can afford to live.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Woulda' Coulda' Shoulda'

So a few weeks ago, someone asked me a very tough question to answer. I was asked:

When is it time to realize that age, missed opportunity and passed time has set in to the point where you just give up and stick to cubicle or factory dwelling?

I don't know how to answer this question.

I know that there are tons of us with great ideas, inventions, pending patents, internet schemes, investment opportunities, franchise thingamabobs and such that needs maybe a little time, additional funds, investment or maybe even the kids moving out to take shape, but...  I cannot imagine a scenario where I can just relax in the fact that living in my cubicle or holding my place on the factory floor is what I need to do in order to realize my dream. I know that for most of us, we understand that hard work and investment makes material things happen such as homes, fashion and vacations but this country and our mindset doesn't rather work in that manner.

Hell, I left corporate America in 2005, and I did struggle when I came over to the trucking industry. My health and access to proper and timely healthcare as well as the diet I chose hampered my ability to stay in a truck in 2006 and 2007. Once I got my shit together at the end of 07 and stayed my ass in the truck, I began to realize my potential as my own boss, which lead me to exit the rig first quarter of last year. All of the ideas I had as far as running my own business that didn't roll over the interstate formed in my head as I drove, and I wrote them down and researched my ass off during my down time at home. I decided to experiment on some of my ideas and a few small successes led to where I am now.

If I never would have met this guy that owned a handful of trucks while I was on a break during my cubicle dwelling years, maybe the motivation to branch out would have died with the thoughts and rants I used to blog about right here in this forum back in the day. I guess what I'm trying to say is no one has to be chained to a desk or slave in a more labor intensive position; I believe that we have a choice in what we want to do. If we gravitate to what we love, the money will definitely follow, it just takes dedication and follow through, right?

So, in answering that question, I must say that I don't know if I could ever give in, relegated to the fact that working for someone else is what I want to do. I could never give up on my own dreams. If the past couple of months have taught me anything, it's that worrying about outside factors and how they could prevent you from doing stuff is a total waste of time. You spend time worrying about what others say, financial factors, politics and all things external and you realize that time has gotten the best of you and your ideas have not grown, just grown older and have become outdated because your attention was focused on other stuff.

I have other things to do... There can't be time dedicated to me thinking about failure and criticisms from outside my circle. I could never give into the thought that I am too old to do anything, so I put blinders on and just keep humping into old age and death, inundated with woulda, coulda and shouldas... That to me sounds like torture from the first moment of the initial thought.

To hell with that, ya dig?

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

We Ain't Going Out Like That Mane...

Not by any means, even if I wanted to, I just couldn't go like that.

I realize that in some instances, I cannot take my ball and just go home. I was reminded this the other day by one special person in particular and a few from a great distance that still hold me close that both they and I blog for ourselves, and it is cathartic. It helps. It lays the mind's thought patterns out for it to re-map myself, nuff' said.

I also understand that folks that come here understand some things about my mindspill and relate them to their own. Commonality in our uncommon ground actually makes a reader or two actually overstand what the hell I share in this very public forum talking in the form of about my private shit.

I am not troubled or in a rut, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I just didn't like being in the middle of family drama playing out while certain family members were ill, leaving me with the upkeep of caring for their immediate family member while I have my own issues to deal with minding for my own. That and work, home life, death and taxes...

I had to get the hell away and I did.

A funny thing happened on the way to NOLA last week... I stopped in Mississippi to meet a couple of dear friends. Schedules got jacked up and I ended up sitting in the sun for a spiritual moment and I got a long, quiet nap. My head started to clear.

I never wanted to write about the same things, whining and complaining every damn day. I never wanted to be on the hook for someone else's life if it wasn't my momma, pops, wife or child. I never wanted to look at my life and say that I wasn't enjoying it because I was worried about superficial things... I began to worry more about 'stuff' and less about living, so I detached.

I reopened my facebook page and looked a time or two at my twitter feed. There are quite a few folks I would absolutely lose touch with that I just don't want to if the social media thing ends for me. There are also a handful of folks no longer with us that I need to 'see' every now and again as well. Not ready to close those chapters yet, and no one can make me.

I also overstand that I myself am an intercessor for a few and I pledge to never stand down for those who need me. I absolutely cannot disappear from from those that have held me up when I was too weak to hold my own. I was wrong to shut folks out with the social media feeds, because some of y'all to include myself at times just aren't reachable by picking up the phone or walking around the corner.

I've been in New Orleans since the middle of last week and don't plan on leaving until the middle of next, and the warmer temps, the seafood po'boys and the music has rattled me back into reality in realization that certain folks spirits intertwine, and certain bonds are never broken. So I picked myself up, enjoyed my time with new, special friends and family and can now see beyond petty bullshit, family drama, healthcare reform and other political dramas based on racism as well as business dealings.

If you do what you enjoy, the money will follow. And so will the opportunities. Sometimes you just gotta break free of the self imposed restriction you've created in order to properly function with the dysfunctional.

And plus, I really enjoyed watching T-Pain's 'Freaknik' on Cartoon Network the weekend before last. I gotta cop that book: 'Behold A Pale Horse 2: The Black Donkey Edition'. Everything you need to know about the Boule, Tavis vs Rev. Sharpton, the Obama Conspiracy and whether health care reform actually passes either thru deem or reconciliation is in that book. Yeah, and if you cop that joint that from me in the next 60 minutes, I'll throw in a non water damaged bungalow waiting to be moved into somewhere in the Lower Ninth ward, right here in the NOLA. Untouched since '05.

I'm giving away free snowballs too. My ice machine is working today baby.

Saturday, March 06, 2010

I Think I'm Done

  • Facebook closure... CHECK
  • Twitter logout... CHECK
  • Blog wrap-up... CHECK

I write. A LOT. I just don't think it's anything I'd like to share anymore.

I really love where my life is at the moment. I am satisfied with things, even though I keep dealing with death and sickness. The finality and destruction of things teaches me that this is a cycle. Life itself of this plane of existence s just a circle.

I remember when I started truck driving.  I didn't have an eyeglass prescription or a GPS... I started wearing glasses and bought a GPS in 2007. A couple of years after I started seriously driving cross country, I attempted to function without my specs recently... and I couldn't.

I could not see, but I remember when I did, and very well. And I remembered when I didn't use that damned GPS to get from Jersey City to Compton... On the interstate... In a truck.

I want to go back to that.

There was a time not long ago when Blogger and Facebook did exist, but I was not in it. 

There was a time not long ago when the matriarch of my family wasn't all twisted up on her left side because she didn't have a stroke.

There was a time where I didn't have to stand with doctors and discuss me signing a DNR form.

There was a time where my mother did not see her deceased mother as much, pondering her own death.

There was a time where my wife thought she understood my heavy burden dealing with life's shit, but she really only empathized.... And never really understood.

There was a time when I just went to sleep and didn't give a minute to pondering my own death.

Death and sickness is all around me. It consumes most of my time. There is no blogging, twitter time or facebook play, although other people find way too much time to dive right in enough not to ask me about my day...

Because they avoid not only the reality of social standing, politics and fake-ass religion, they avoid the reality of the time we actually have before death or sickness drops out of the sky to get their asses.

So as much as I want to take the time and share my shit, I realize that it's only that... Shit. I mean, really... I get a good amount of hits on this forum and I even have a nice handful of folk who follow or RSS this blog and I appreciate that you stop by but... I know in the reality of things that I'm just weekday cubicle fodder for most. I help you waste away the day like a whole lot of other bloggers. While I never write to entertain a mindless mass, I thought I'd share... And I have.

Know that my life is no joke. Yours isn't either.

Since I started bloging in 2004, I've shared a lot about me. I never provided names or detailed shit out of respect to girlfriends, partners in crime, classmates, co-workers even enemies because they all deserve respect, and I feel that I have given that. I even had an relationship-esque episode that I absolutely have not talked about right around mid to late 2007 because the past is the past. Even though she brought and continually brings me up. Methinks I awakened something back in December when I made reference to some folk my wife and I dealt with that caused the innernetgossipfolk to stir some shit up. 

Funny thing is, when I'm thru with bullshit (the ordeal became a he said she said) I am thru, and this is the first time I officially actually addressed shit since that time. I'm sorry if you thought I was talking about you because I wasn't. I left that shit alone in 07' I really did. You have the right to be angry at me because I cut you off while I owed you money, but I do not owe anyone, including you an explanation. My actions were my actions, you don't have to indict my wife so get offa' that shit. You and her were truly innocent in my dealings. I did notice (because I never did look back until December when folk were EMAILING old blog passages (along with my December rants) from both me and you... Imagine that?) that you painted her and another person wrong when it is me you have the beef with. I see that you're still angry and you have a right to be. Keep them energies on me, not anyone else. I have no anger or beef with anyone because I saw through all the bullshit kinfolk told me after I got back to Chicago. And for the record, I've always thought you were cute. That one line you threw in there about not being beautiful, please cut that shit out! That is SO not cute.

See, I was involved with some folks and it turned into bullshit. I feel like since this should be my last blogpost (and that's how things got started, thru blogging) I'd address thangs. I did. That's all I got.I'm done. Bullshit has happened before. Will probably happen again to someone else. Whatever man. Might happen to your ass when you get personal in your blogging and other people try to get into your shit. I just maintain that you keep it moving. Trust me. At least no one in my current or former circles faked death to evoke emotion from the Brown Blogosphere. If you don't know about that one... My name is Bennet... And I ain't in it. Ask around and do a little research on that one. Some of y'all old heads remember that foolishness.

I think because how my life is full these days that my regular blogging thing is finished. I really feel like there isn't much for me to give these days. Maybe I'm wrong, but my writing has gotten very unfocused and all over the place, well what I've delivered here and it might be time to do other things or do things in a different manner. I love the connections I've made through this forum, and I really don't want to leave... But I feel like Twitter is a better forum for me (even though I haven't tweeted in a minute) because you only have 140 characters to get that shit right. Control seems to work better for cats like me. That and it doesn't take up too much time.

I guess this would be the time for me to announce that I have a radio show in the works, huh? Oh, and none of that BlogTalkRadio stuff... I'm talking about syndicated stuff (because money from commercial sales and affiliate marketing is real nice) that'll make me visible. I don't like the concept, but I signed on last year to an idea that is finally launching in the next quarter. Obligations.

Writing and speaking commentary are two different things, huh?

I am so shameless.

But know that what I really want to do is have more time. Time to continue travelling. Time to raise babies into adults. Time to deal with life. I gotta take care of my parents now like they have me. I have to deal with siblings like adults, very unlike freeze-tag and fake wrestling. I gotta' deal with my wife, invest more time into my equitable partnership (and let her mother know that she can only be a spectator and not a player). I have to care for the sick, fallen and the ill. I have to attend more of my classmate's funerals (one last week, another next). I have to complete my Holistic Health Practitioner designation so I can better understand how to unfat and decholesterolize (I'm making words UP in here) my family and friends as well as myself.

As much as life drags me down and burns my ASS.... I wanna' live.

And that may require less blogging and more doing... Other stuff.

I think I'm done.

I think.