Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


.
.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Kujichagulia

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
I Corinthians 13:12

I have always wanted to have my own. Before each member of the Wu were blessed with multiple nomenclatures, I had already given myself 4 names. I learned that back in Mother Africa, in most cultures your name defined who you are, so I studied. A lot. After checking out the origins of names and how they applied depending on each culture, I got offended by my classmates because it seems that they were so caught up in Euro-culture that the didn't even care about their given name or their slave name. They were just happy to be here.

I got the breakdown on how my name became at my birth. Moms named me after pops, Grandma wasn't having that shit, cuffed a brother and renamed me. I was that person until I was about 27. At that time, the void of not having purpose and proper knowledge had eaten away at my soul. I began to detach myself from Eurocentrisms and heard the drum. I needed to re-establish the connection with my elders, the kids on my block and my cousins reaching out from across the water. The beginning stages of becoming who I am now was new and addictive. I never had this feeling in school when I learned all of these unnecessary and expensive things that I don't even use today. I was getting filled with culture, spirit and fufillment, and the urge to learn and get involved hasn't waned since, it has gotten stronger. I became a different person. I was becoming a man of African descent and a sense of duty to my people became more focused.

I needed to let the world know what man I had become. I spent my twenties going to college, working in corporate America and gaining weight because I missed undisciplined eating while in the military. I gained an additional 250 pounds because of this, became arrogant and felt settled that the corporate world would take care of me until I retired. And then I woke up.

Kujichagulia - Self-Determination.


In a sudden flash that I can explain to you only if we sat down and spoke face to face, I heard that voice I mentioned yesterday for the first time:

"Turn around and go back, you don't belong here."

I already knew why that voice was speaking to me. I had no real sense of purpose. I had no discipline. I had no proper knowledge of self or love for those that sacrificed to get me where I was. I had limited self love and limited love for my then longtime girlfriend beacuse of this. I had no identity. I was not motivated to make change. I never gave thought of giving back.

The creator stripped me of all things. My job, my so-called friends, my woman and I almost lost my life slipping in and out of a diabetic coma. I had to find myself. I had all the reference I needed to make this happen, I just needed to act. I won't go into innate details on how I made wholesale changes. Let's just say I got rid of my dead weight, found focus and a sense of purpose immediately after letting my old self and ways die in order to be reborn into the man that I am today.

I am not defined by the things I have, but by faith, determination and duty. I chose a name that defines who and what I am, and what I strive to do. I took time and studied my culture, this is something I do every day. I turned around and took a look at my old stomping grounds and determined that I have to move back in order to help make change. Every day I dedicate my first two waking hours to prayer, meditation and refocus. After praising His name, I say mine a few times to remind myself of my sense of purpose. Every day, I work towards becoming a liaison to those that are looking for one through development of my business plan and the eventual rolling out of a non profit organization I hope to get off the ground in the near future. I know everyone can't or doesn't want to get that deep with it, but all that is needed to catch fire is a spark. To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves and speak for ourselves one must become the intercessor. There are many and I am just one.

1 comment:

DizYaBoy said...

Merry Christmas!

I' enjoyed ur post ... I'll b back!