Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


Thursday, December 08, 2005

The Results Are In...

So later today I get my HIV test results. I can't believe it's been a week already since world AIDS day. So many of us didn't even know. So many more don't even bother to get tested. Most of us are scared. Like knowing that you aren't HIV positive is better than knowing if you are? I guess sometimes we forget that we affect other people and shit, huh? And what about him or her? Are you concerned that because you don't know you'll fuck up their flow? I get it, you're embarrassed.

You remember that slip up 6 months ago.
You never expected to cheat on him/her.
You didn't have time to put the condom on.
Oh baby you like it raw.
It just doesn't feel right.
I know that he/she's clean, right?
They looked/smelled/tasted/felt clean...
They never tested, so why should I?
I've only had one, maybe two sex partners.
Dude, I've been sex free since 2003 so why should I bother?

Because we need to know.

I went to the city last Thursday to a facility that stays crowded months and days before and after world AIDS day. This place is a popular spot. A lot of testing and counseling goes on here all the time, and plus you can get all of your supplies here free of charge. A lot of classes are given at this place, and it's on the cusp of Boystown, so that's why I chose to go there. I knew it would be crowded and stocked to the tills and they'd have their shit together to test and counsel; and I'd run into some folks I know. I have a few friends in the community and yup I saw dude and his partner. We used to work together and he always bragged about his other. I Finally got a chance to meet him, turns out that he's a smart, successful good looking guy. Sorry sisters, dude plays for the other team is all I could think when we were talking. I've always had
friends that did their own thing, so I don't judge or act like a deer in headlights like some people I know. I saw one couple that I used to hang out with, sad thing is there were few couples, black couples that came out to be tested. I wish there were more chocolate folk in the place seeing as we're affected by HIV/AIDS more than anyone else. I made some phone calls from the center and everyone I spoke to that day didn't even know what December 1 signified. That pisses me off, because I'd get details and exploits and shit if they met someone new and exchanged body fluids.

My friends are ignorant.
I've come to terms with that.

I'm not nervous because I feel like I've been a good kid. I guess by the time the afternoon gets here, I'll feel a little apprehensive in getting my results back, but right now, blah. I have my own slip ups to own up to and I'm not ashamed of making them. I've been cheated on before, but I ended that on the moment I found out. Believe it or not, in my time here I've only had 'X' many partners, so my partner list is low. I still wanna know and feel that I should have reference so that she can know too. Hell, I might just drum up my 3 credit reports and my FD 258 (federal fingerprint report) so that she she can get a background check as well as know the private me. Getting tested should be a pre req to dating anyway, you never know when a slip up can occur.

The plans for the non profit are coming together nicely. Still researching location, but I brought in 2 people on the dream. Nice that their willing to help. I really can't say exactly what I'm doing
right now, but trust it will be good for the hood. And it'll save my ass from going back to corporate America for good. More to come.

Am I the only one obsessed and impressed by 'Sleeper Cell'? Between 'Lost' and this one, TV is good for me. I normally used the tube to watch touchdowns, home runs and 3 pointers. It's been hard for a brother like myself to actually watch TV and enjoy it. I did TiVo 'The Boondocks' and 'Everybody Hates Chris' and I must say that I won't be watching those anymore. Boondocks is straight disappointing. Period. They just replaced Dave Chappelle in using "nigger" more times in a 30 minute timeslot than the KKK in a paid advertisement. For those that don't know, Google Richard Pryor and check his quote on the word "nigger" upon his return from Mother Africa (see you in 2006!) and get back with me. As for Chris Rock, I lived as a poor kid in the big city (Chicago) in the 80's as well, a lot of things are very similar except we had even less money. The show is boring... To me. Seems like he's explaining how our the culture evolved to them other folks. Great look, and great cast, and that's how I came to the realization that this show is not for us. We know that story, they don't. Pass.


nikki said...

re: 'everybody hate chris' black folk reminisce, too. sure, i know that story but i love to see it told again so i can be reminded of much fun my childhood was despite the difficulties.

ain't nothing wrong with it.

as for 'the boondocks', for some reason, i can't get past regina king's voice. i do like some of the storylines, though.

congrats on making some headway on the nonprofit situation. i can't to wait to hear it's up and running.

Anonymous said...

I love "everybody Hates Chris" I hate when I miss it. Not really feeling Boondocks, the one time I have seen bits and pieces of it.

Dec.16 I get my check up formt he neck up. Status are very important to know.

NameLiar said...

I'm going with Insanely and Nikki, I love "Everybody Hates Chris." I think it is a new look to the black sitcom and much better than other shows released by UPN. Its a nice change to the usual crap.

I've yet to see Boondocks tho' so...No comment.