Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


Friday, October 27, 2006

Fuck-Off Friday

I was in the middle of working on a piece about Senator Barack Obama and why he should run in 2008. I was also going to point out the dangers to him and our people by doing this, stuff that black folk haven't said publicly but wanna say, but I got bored and trashed it. Y'all ain't trying to hear that from me...

And then I started working on this meme about things y'all don't know about me. The fact that I bought a new car and a firearm on the same day this year shouldn't surprise you. This is Chicago, and a few days prior to that, I did get shot at. Seeing as handguns aren't banned in the burbs and the fact that the current piece I had at the time was both illegal and was the one I tried to use in my failed suicide attempt with last Thanksgiving...

And then I realized that it was time for me to go to physical therapy again and that this was my next to last session before I reach maximum medical improvement and am still in the same amount of pain I was in the day I got injured and no one has even sat down with me to go over what happens next (I already know, but when you deal with cheap-ass fuckers that want you to walk away so they don't have to spend money on you even though it is the law...).

The fact that my company no longer communicates with me, hasn't approved a visit to a bone specialist, prompts some quack to get me to get a cortisone injection that I have already refused, still hasn't sent me the money it owes me to live off of and doesn't know that precedent has already been set in cases like this so my lawyers are salivating...

I've finished writing the short about the kid and the party, but don't wanna share right now. I'm changing his fate, dammit. Damn near finished the project that I plan to have published early next year, and I don't even want to tell the person who inspired it that it's done (I promised to give that person the hand written manuscript for shits and giggles... Shit, for what now and why?)

The fact that I let a friend hear a few snippets of some tracks I was purchasing and this fucker emailed his whole damn high school graduating class (including a few competitiors) 6 pieces of unfinished shit (I have never shared unfinished work. I thought I would do something different and do the opposite, you know, for a close friend, look where that got me) effectively leaking half of my damn album, and I ain't got a budget to go back and change shit like Nas and Hova. Oh, did I mention that 2 of the tracks got back to the producer cats that created em' and I'm getting charged for shit I can no longer use AND might get sued for this...

And I get an emailed apology.

The fact that I get called into my hospital's occupational health office 3 times in the past two weeks to be re-tested because in the first health screen I took to land a volunteer position there my shit was so off it looked like I was in the beginning stages of chronic kidney disease until they proved it. I could be in either the first or second stage of the disease which (in diabetics like myself) could lead to renal failure...

So I really feel like telling a few people to just fuck off and suck my ass til' they taste snot, but I might enjoy that (not in any particular order), so I won't. I am not mad or angry, nor do I feel victimized or feel like I'm being picked on. I'm just tired and need rest. I do need a little Reiki (Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing) right now, and wouldn't mind a happy ending thrown in at no additional charge at this point.

Yeah, that would work.

So for a chosen few (not including that sessi-ass doctor I met last weekend who took the time to explain to me the difference between renal disease and renal failure) I really need some of y'all to fuck off, eat shit and die. For the rest of you, please pray that I gain a little patience and understanding, and that I get some strength to get thru what I need to get thru. I'm pulling the covers onver my head and drugging myself up today with hopes of sleeping off my precious Friday.

Right after I cancel this damn PT appointment.

I do expect a call for two from 'her' though. I don't even know her that well and she got me feeling all healthy and injury free n' thangs. I will take the time this weekend to dig a little deeper.

Always a silver lining.

Other than that, get lost and do something constructive with your stank-ass weekend.



Anonymous said...

I think I'd like a little of that Reiki, too. Minus the happy ending.

aquababie said...

you know i've already sent the words up for you. take care of yourself. when was the last time you did some yoga? i need some reiki/healing touch right now myself.

Ms_SoCal said...

My 1st thought was, fucc u 2 ... but then knowing u that is just the way u would want it.

So instead, I will say u are loved & know that I pray 4 u more than I pray 4 myself!

Knockout Zed said...

Gotdamn, killa! This is sooo deep and involved I don't know where to begin. I'm kind of a jackass with no life whatsoever, but I assure you I'm empathetic to each and every thing that is going on with you brother.

You are the second person I've said this to this week, but I'll be praying for you. I hadn't really prayed for over 12 years, but I'll give it a shot.


Luke Cage said...

Mannn, that's mr. Fucker to you. Pluralizing me and stuff-lol- Heyy man, what'cha know about Reiki? Now THAT'S what I'm talking about Hassan. You rep it right brotha.

As for the honey, well you know how the ladies do man. They have a way of making all kinds of things that are wrong in the world, just vanish and go away... yeaahhh.. it's a beautiful thing. Enjoy man! Get betta a'right?

T. S. Snowden said...

I have only just begun to read your blog and in fact am quite a heathen (so I dont really pray per se)but I do indeed wish you well and uhm I hope your weekend goes swimmingly with the young lady....
BTW-Here's to happy endings oh and reiki too :)

Kip said...

So to see you going thru so much suffering Hassan I hope this storm passes you by soon. You have a great weekend man also i recommend you try some Chinese CHO GONG it will help you with stress.

By Chance

Rose said...

Hopefully this will gst better soon with your health. As far as Senator Barack is concerned, everyone is excited about him and believes that he should run for President. I don't think it is going to work. I think he should get experience and help put Hilary in. Everybody likes him until he runs then he is just another sidity African American.