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Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Energy

I didn't think I'd have the energy to make it thru this week seeing that I am currently taking medication to rid myself of a bacterial infection, but I pretty much slept thru the whole weekend.

Gives me the much needed energy to get my learn on about my position with big oil.

Yesterday was my father's birthday, and although I'm not a celebrator I called him anyway and ended up talking about my truth. We haven't spoken since March I believe and even though we always have much to discuss we just didn't cross paths since that time.

He already knew about me, and not what he heard from my sister or brothers.

He knew that I had drained myself stressing over my attempts to get back on track healthwise and my dealings with folks and situations here in Houston and told me to stay the course because like I always tell him: "The Creator Has A Masterplan". He's more spititual these days after going thru the shit as a younger man dealing with my sibs and I, my mother and being a black man in the 60's thur 80's. He got caught up with drugs and split with my mom. He then got his shit together and has been a valuable asset in my life ever since. He always has energy.

I also gained energy this weekend by being told certain things. Not things I wanted to hear, but truths that needed to be spoken. Whatever happens in my life is what I want to happen, I just had to hear that same mantra from her. I am already obligated to so much, I wanted to know that my obligations to her were exactly what was stated in the beginning and it had to be said. Not that I didn't believe her now as opposed to then but when the vibe changed between us sometime ago it was very negative in my assessment. Not only did I hate that vibe (and I still do), I hated the fact that at one point I was expected to continue to go down that vibe's path and I wasn't going to regardless.

You 'know' me, I fight shit that I even think is against me and what I want to do.

My dreams have already been deferred and getting up from my most recent fall has been the hardest thing for me to overcome. I thought it was physical or monetary but Pops basically stated that I needed the help in getting up in all aspects and sometimes it's in a person to give themselves so that the other can rise. "Repayment is something so different and spiritual, no matter what you do you cannot block the blessings she'll receive as a result of dealing with your ass. Continue to do yourself son, when the spirit is finished with you repayment would have already taken place and you'll know how to transition into your next self and she will too."

That's why I hadn't spoken to Pops in a minute. I needed the proper energy to receive the message that was meant for me. Some things still don't make sense to me but I'll ride this wave of energy until I get better understanding. Like, why did I get these messages this weekend? What brought all of that out and why did I have to hear certain things that I thought I already knew all over again?

That's how energy is. Same instructions on the box, different vibe.

5 comments:

Gary said...

You Dad sound like a wise man. Sometimes we hear the same message over and over and dont get it. We just need to be in a certain place in order to be a recipient. The point is that at least you got the message and now is trying to apply it before it is too late. Some people never get it. Consider yourself lucky.

STEPHANIE said...

I agree with Gary. Energy is an interesting thing... the fact that it never dies, and is just transferred from one person to another tells us so much!
Glad you received the energy you needed.
Hope you get better soon! :)

Femigog said...

I say that Pops seems to have a handle on a few thangs. I think you're right about the level of energy needed to receive certain messages.
Sometimes we just have to get still, breathe deep and listen as we loosen our grip on what we think we already know, so that we can be re-taught...

VerseOne said...

Peace Bruh.

Yo just checkin' you out, i know it's been a minute but i got to say that you still fight and overcoming.

get better man.

Peace

Zesty said...

So true. We must be going through similar experiences - re the vibe I mean. It's like I'm seeing stuff for the first time.

Take all you can get. This is a turnaround.

Oh. And I hope you're feeling better.