Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


Friday, May 25, 2007

Last Weekend Of Spring And I've Misplaced My Mojo

Have you ever reached a point where you had so much to say, a whole lot of emotion to express but was stymied by some unseen force and wasn't up to task to fight back hard enough to get those things out?

I think I'm at that point.

Maybe it's the medication I was given at the beginning of the week that has me feeling a lil on the extra, extra tired tip. Who knows? There is so much I want to get out and put here in this canvas but I feel like I just don't have the time to do it. Whenever I get the urge to do something, especially this week I've put it off and pretty much slept that time away. I'm writing this during the time I usually get myself ready to go to work, so this text is being forced.

It's day three at the new gig and I really appreciate the opportunity to roll with big oil. There is a lot to learn and even more to do in the role I was given. I should excel in that position once I get my bearings and start floating my own boat. Thing is, do I really deserve to be there feeling the way I do?

Me dropping everything (art included) to come to Texas is really hitting me hard right now. It's about 90 days in and I'm starting to really get uncomfortable to the point of going stir crazy if it wasn't for this job. I miss all of the little things about Chicago, Atlanta and Salt Lake City. The fact that I know folks in those places and could easily stroll into a pub, cafe or someone's place and have familiarity with the people, places and things that make these places special to me in some manner is one of the biggest things I miss badly.

I also miss my sibs, nieces and nephews
And my cats
And the few folks that I called friend
my ability to hang off the end of the bar at Rannalli's in Chicago
andthe soup thingee and weird cappuccino at Java Monkey in Decatur
and eating breakfast with Pops
being in Al's basement, putting something together in the name of Hip Hop

I can't get any of that here, and I wish for the life of me that I could have five minutes in with any on of those things on my list above.

The summer begins and my guy Troy ain't calling me to go hang out til the crack of dawn's ass. It's going to be weird adjusting to being in Houston as a functional person, but I'll manage I suppose. As long as I can get my creative mojo back then I'll be able to do anything.

Have you seen my mojo?


Gallis said...

I think the question is perhaps not if I've seen your mojo, but if your mojo has seen me, and how much I need to pay it to keep quiet! LOL!

But seriously dude, just look at what you're contending with lately. A move, being away from all things familiar, a new job, illness.

Give your blessed self a break. You'll be ok. Just feel what you're feeling and recognize you've got a lot on your plate right now. Especially not feeling well. Everything else really falls away when your body is being tested.

I can really relate to you. My summer in NYC was the loneliest of my life for the very reasons you mention. I always remember my Mum's advice at the time which was to enjoy the adventure.

I was still lonely and depressed as all get out, but focusing on the positives I was getting out of the experience really helped me. I think you are doing that. You are always able to see the positive aspects of your situation and you will be ok. Roll with it. Get a nap if you need it.

I ain't been writing much either and have nowhere near your reasons. More like my brain just sayin' "Oh hell no."

nikki said...

your mojo is there, dude. really, it is. you wrote this entry looking for it and your mojo was what had you writing it in the first place.

Tasha said...

Your mojo isn't missing, it's lying dormant to give you a chance to catch up to yourself. Allow yourself the chance to experience the unsure's necessary to become a fully functional soul.

Beana said...

Have you ever reached a point where you had so much to say, a whole lot of emotion to express but was stymied by some unseen force and wasn't up to task to fight back hard enough to get those things out?


Don Tate II said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

You'll like Texas. I'm in Austin. You'll appreciate the creative environment.

NameLiar said...

Mojo is your life partner. It's in there somewhere just waiting to get out.