Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


Wednesday, October 03, 2007

One Last Thing Before I Go...

I know it's been a while since I've put something of substance up here, and for that I apologize. I keep going thru these changes for the better...

I just got back from a place yesterday where I could be me. I found a place where I wasn't looked down upon, secretly despised or admonished for being myself and I do plan on moving there. Trucking industry be dammed, when you find a place where you know you're supposed to be you just go, and that I will.

I thought about where I am in life and what I've done to get here. I have no regrets in anything I've done in getting to where I am. It's sad because there a some that feel totally responsible for the direction of your soul and demand payment in you being miserable with them when that is not the case. Thing is, I had a full and complete life before them and will after them as well. One cannot claim to give a damn in one's face and condemn them with their other circle of friends because one never knows exactly who I know and in what capacity.

Funny how text message and voicemail intercepts as well as impromptu run-ins with degree separated friends thru friends happen that change the way you see certain people that know the friend of the friend...

Funny how you can exhaust the possibilities in the attempt to be brother to some and have them spit in your face and spite all efforts to keep them safe from harm when they go right back into the eye of the storm.

Funny how the ones that call you brother can also ride with you, robbing you of your spirit and giving the enemy a play by play of your most private thoughts, dreams and desires in an attempt to make you the fool. And for what? What have I ever done to any of these people but try to be a friend, brother or confidant?

Misery indeed loves company.

Even thought I try hard to remain positive and continue to be me, there are some will call you friend and even gain the closeness of a friendship and my trust who will hock the biggest loogie right in my eye in the midst of casual conversation.

Normally I would have some sort of 'fuck you' rant at the ready, but the best action in these cases with the 3 to 5 folks that had my trust is inaction.

I vowed a long time ago to not be violent or vindictive in my approach to folks that cross me because I was a violent teenager and then had a violent first real job in the Army. I know of my ability to destroy physically, and I've grown in my ability to launch a verbal assault in expression of what sits in my soul so harsh and evil that one would be ready to burn off their own skin due to my narratives about such an untrusted bag of flesh.

But I won't go there.

I found a place... Found a person... Found and re-found family... Rediscovered true friends that have made me fall in love with myself and fall in love with the possibilities of what life can truly bring when you can appreciate all things free of distress and be appreciated.

So I pack my bags and change direction to this new place.

And do nothing to recall those that never wanted to see me live in the midst of love.

I'll get back on my blogging horse now that I got that off. Peace y'all. Back to our regularly scheduled programming.


Aly Cat 121 said...

ain't nothing like tryna be you and folks thinking you suppose to be them.

Anonymous said...

I wasn't going to comment but aly said the damn thang!!!!! High five girl!

Beana said...

givin the head nod of understanding and agreement.

I'll take my original seat here in the back quietly observing as usual :-)

T. S. Snowden said...

Stay well and might I suggest tying up those loose ends. The transition is just that much smoother when you say what you mean plain and outright to those for whom the message is intended...
just my 2 cents
Stay safe and peace

Luke Cage said...

Whew. I don't know why, but everytime I come here, I keep hoping that you are not about to say "bloggers, it's been a blast. Over and out!" Although I would understand taking a small hiatus. Looking forward to some more scribes of substance man. Peace out.

Lyrically speaking said...

It's good that you're back in your blogging horse and finding out more about yourself, I need to stop by more often to encourage you to write :)

Gallis said...

Phew! It was dodgy for a while there mate, but I kept the faith.

*Tanyetta* said...

great post!!!!!!!!!!!!---just wanted to say hello! i loved aly's comment. she's always on time with her words of wisdom too ;)