Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Peace and blessings...

Fam, what the fock, man? How do you do it? As I'm sitting here tripping on
D'Angelo, I wonder how some of you put it on the line everyday and not snap the
f off at coworkers, friends and family.

I just wish things could be simple as hell. People, places and things over
complicate thangs, and that is a very depressing thing sometimes, so I pray. I
hold on as much as I can, but sometimes life kicks you square in the ass and
there is no stopping it. Now I'm not speaking about what I told y'all yesterday...
that, my friends is already handled: Protected by the red, the black and the green
(Hint: Pops, Junior and Spooky), with a key (ankh).

I go to work with the intentions of just working, I get there and there's a ton of
bullshit, most of it with my name all over it. I ask to be alone with my thoughts,
cause I'm an artist, and I'm sensitive about my shit, but people who love me and
know I'm flaky keep popping up and still ask me questions they know the answers
to. The rent is due (dammit, I'm speaking metaphorically!!!) and I've never been
late, so why are you here with your hand open calling yourself collecting?
Somehow, it always gets paid.

If life is a test, this is my midterm exam. I am being bombarded with questions that
have multiple answers, and my pencil eraser is on supa-low. Damn. The time you
need that big ass rubber eraser you're always caught with your pants down, but
not any more.

You see, this post is dedicated to all of the bad shit. The shit that eats at you,
that shit that holds you down, the shit that causes you to step in it so it can get in
the crevice of your shoe sole and stink all damn day. I see the shit and I am
stepping over it. I will not get shit on my shoes,and if I do, I will promptly clean
those martha fockers so the feces can't spread. For a minute, the shit almost had
me. That's why I carry baby wipes.

The Creator is also in the shit too. He wants to know if you're faithful. Needs to
know if you're loyal. The Creator already knows, but sometimes you bullshit
yourself, thus causing unnecessary bullshit.

Now check this out:

I wrote the stuff above early Jan 17, right? So I talk to my current love interest
and guess what? You got it... Bullshit. Now I promised that I would never reveal
anything about our relationship, so all I can say is this: I can do bad by myself. I
know I complain a lot, but I am thankful that I complain. Thing is... As much As I
complain, I do not worry, don't have to. I will not go on the faith thing right now
you heard that speech...

My faith and my love for folks have always been in question. The answer, Creator
first, everything follows after that. I never answered to anyone, and that's
probably why my ass is single. I have shared personal shit with you blog readers
that I never shared with my friends, cause I know they'll never read this, and to
date they haven't. So much for support.

I guess what I'm saying is, I never asked to be loved, and my love has always
been based on trust, so how can I trust anyone nevertheless love someone
(hard) that has already placed judgement on me, and I have remained non partial
when it came to bullshit. You see, BS happens and like I wrote above, step over
it. So here's a shout to all of my ex's: Haven't spoke to y'all in a minute, would be
nice to hear from ya'... I know that at least one of y'all know that blackisms exists,
so if you're reading this... call a brother... Oh snap, I forgot... my phone numbers
have changed, so email a nigga... according to my most recent ex, I've been back
on the ho stroll for quite some time!!!

It's funny because I chose celibacy in this phase in my life. Sex brings bullshit...
and for some reason, although I fell like I'll explode any moment now, I have been
bullshit free relationship wise for over a month now. It is indeed the tie that binds
souls... now if I can find the antidote and undo what I've done...

I really believe that making love cannot be done outside of marriage. I have been
convinced by recent actions. I loved, but love means nothing without deep
commitment in the eyes of the Lord. Anything outside of that is a lie. I have to
admit that I have lived a lie. Damn! It does hurt, because your intention is not to
destroy, but build. But, building does come at a price, relationships done without
spirituality are meaningless. I just got out of one to prove that point. God Bless...
He's out there, he's just not me.

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