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Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


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Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Wednesday's Haunt


Today is going to be a weird day.

Today is my Aunt's birthday. She passed on September 13 last year. It's been more than a year since and I haven't really gotten over the fact that one of the people closest to me is no longer here for me to bother.

My Mom's has been taking it the hardest. She called my ex on Sep 13 this year because she got stuck. She got to my stepdad's job and couldn't get out of the car thinking about her baby sister. Moms and I haven't spoken since June, I think and she called my ex because she thought we were still together and wanted to hear my voice. To her credit, my former 'talked her down' and calmed her. I dread thinking about how she'll be today. I had thoughts to go to the cemetery and pay respects, on second thought, I really don't want to be that close to the homes of other family members. I have no words for them and also dread the day we cross paths. Funny, Moms, 2 aunts and my sister live within walking distance of the cemetery. I'll choose another time to visit and do my thing, today I'll pray, meditate and reminisce.

I'm 3 days down on my fast. I'm irritable, achy and not the person you really want to have convo with at the local coffee house... I am unbelievably euphoric and I don't know why. Just no convo please.

Why is it when you establish something with someone that you think is solid that person turns away from you and runs away? Why is it after you reluctantly break that part of your life off emotionally that person wants to return like shit didn't happen? Irks me, that's all.

Terrell Owens talks too damn much.

Karma, bitches. Understand and get over it.

A state of emergency has been declared in France. How much you wanna bet that the 'anti nigga machine' goes into effect now. Still ain't up huh? In a nutshell:


Black folks have had enough of being treated like second class citizens and have rebelled against the French government. Didn't see much of the 60's footage of the Civil Rights Movement? A replay of fire hoses and German shepherds will occur with subtitles in a moment. You must've thought we were free over there to not know. I guess we'll never say anything while our cousins are getting their asses whipped. Thanks for saying nothing, you just validated the fact that they are second class.

Who got a recipe for meatless Thanksgiving dressing? I'm throwing down at the crib and I need some help. Oh, my guest list has less than 3 people on it, so most of the dressing is for me.

I also need suggestions for breading for my fish fry that does not involve white flour.

Pray for me. I applied for a job at a non profit and I really want this job. More than the other ones I already secured. I'll get a chance to work with the shorties as a job placement specialist. I'll also get a chance to get some talented folk both young and old in industrial, plumbing and construction training programs right in the hood. To do that for a living would be a dream come true for me. I want so bad to be back in the belly of the beast rebuilding. I feel so useless working in cubicle city. I know I can connect with my fellow Hip Hoppas and do some good. I know we can come together and plug in those missing components the community is sorely missing. I hate the fact that I gotta go to neighborhoods outside of mine for simple shit, quality shopping and a good meal. I'm so close. I wrote this passionate ass cover letter and hope it opens the eyes of those that make the decisions on who gets the position. Pray. Please. I really, really want this job.

I got a feeling that something special is about to happen to me. I wish I could get a preview.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

All good things will come to you.

NameLiar said...

I'm sure you will get something better than a preview you will get to experience it.

Me said...

I always pray for you. I sense you've already gotten the preview... the best is yet to come.

As far as the France problem, I finally tuned into some CNN and read some stuff, and I think it's very interesting that (IMO) Black people in America seem to be treating it like white people were treating New Orleans.. they just don't give a shit. Seems we're oblivious to the fact that -- oh my God -- there are Black people with race issues everywhere. I'm too weak to debate right now, but holla at me next week.

Day four of the fast is upon you, it'll all be over soon. Cheer up. *prep* That help?

toneec42 said...

All you have to do is ask... praying continues now.

Rose said...

Ask and it should be given...I lopve this post..so random....I lost my fav aunt Aug 2004. Mother went into a depression, it was her big sister....her children are still devastated. I think you should never go to bed angry or hurt at someone because you never know when they will leave you. Pray for what you want....

Anonymous said...

Where are my comments at? I don't see them.......