Moving along...

This is not the biggest decision of my life, but others seem to think so.

It's like they're thinking about things for me.

I've given thought, I mean long and hard about what to do with the next 35 years and I've come to a conclusion:

It cannot and will not be anything like the last 35.

I grew up poor as hell but in a loving home. I didn't have as much as the rest of the kids but made due. I played sports, an instrument and sang my way thru childhood, and we had the best combination of music and videos because hip hop and music videos were new and every 6 months there was a new pioneer.

Michael Jackson was black, and we wanted to be him. Check them old Easter Sunday photos...

Just getting by and having to do was the norm. Getting things cut off cause somebody had a school fee or needed clothes for the social (yes, I am old school) was shelled out first was the norm. We'll get the lights back on, then we can check the pics from the cotillion. I tire of having to just do, and it ain't about money.

These days, I make good cheddar, get a chance to write and purge my demons thru this medium and have met some good people over the years that make life cool for me. One thing is missing. My complete and utter happiness. It probably has something to do with me 'just doing' and not a relationship thing. I believe if you build it, they will come.

I'm at my happiest when I create so my first move was to create more and archive it, so the blog came. I've been writing my opus for damn near a decade, and I think that is just activity to keep me busy at 2am when I'm at my loneliest. Idle hands man, you know the deal. I think that I've run my course as a creative cat inthe city of Chicago. Aside from the politics and lack of resources in the third largest media market in the free world, I need a few more resources to inspire and help push things along for me, so I've decided to make a move and go to where the action is...

Wherever that is. Some of y'all know, but there's a catch. Always is.

Okay, so I know where I want to go and have the plan on how to profit off my creative end and I have to leave a lot of things, people and involvements business behind. In order to make it work financially, It looks like shaving my head and face and wearing the uniform of a law enforcement officer might be the thing. By doing that, I'll continue to build towards my retirement if I end up being a regular cat and not getting publishing or record deal. I'll be able to use tax breaks and my VA benefits to build a home for my family (huh - what?). I'll also combine my military service with public service and have a damn decent pension so I won't starve and be homeless when I'm 65. I have to think of these things now. Unfortunately, I feel like I just cannot put this together here in the Chi and since opportunities exist elsewhere, I'll go to them. I feel that at this point I have to do just that.

Go.

So why is everyone tripping on me wanting to leave now?

Why did I get a re-invitation from an old flame... Now?

Why don't I care about leaving everything behind? If this were November, I would be torn.

Why haven't I heard from my best friend? He is an asshole, but has actually shown that he cares about me? I haven't told him that I'm planning to leave because we haven't spoken.


I don't do ex-girlfriends, so why should I even bother to pay that shit any attention now? It didn't work back then and now that I have focus and am actually doing something productive to harness my talent all of a sudden I seem sexier? Wow. I'm sorry, I can't trust that shit. I can't even feel that right now. I have been seriously desensitized by recent events. I want to share in love but that shit has to be morally mutual, spiritually even and just feel damn good. No backstory, no forced statements about feelings and no damn drama.

This is what I move away from. I plan to move into maturity, with my future and family in mind. All I care for these days is to build. That is the plan. Live better in the eye of The Creator much better than I did the first 35 and make sure my kids (if I have any... it's getting late) don't have to live the ways I did.

Yeah... that motivates me.