Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


Wednesday, April 26, 2006

The need to be someplace else...

Wassup blogfam, Peace and Blessings.

It has not been that difficult in getting back to doing regular stuff, whatever
those things may be. Thanks for keeping me and mine in your verbal and telepathic
transmissions with The Creator. I feel embraced by that and to think, we haven't
even had coffee yet...

I would love to break bread with a lot of you. Thank you.

I'm glad the world keeps moving when you put yours on pause because I really needed
this big blue marble to keep on spinning on it's axis. That's what's helping me get
back to what makes me me right now. Dealing with what happened mentally and
spiritually, now that is a whole other animal, but you already knew that so I won't
get knee deep right now. I'm sure from my writings you can pick up the vibe of my
mood and thoughts right now... Nuff said, so in an attempt to get back to the
regular, I got questions:

Who has relocated that can tell me how one successfully transitions to a place where
family is scarce, friends are few and the lay of the land is unfamiliar as all get out?

I know that a change of scenery is needed for me to settle my soul and be free, and
I feel that I'm being called to a certain region of the US to finish all of my
artsy-fartsy stuff. My projects just can't be completed where I am now and I wish it
could be, but Chicago is not condusive to publishing lit and music for profit and

That makes me sad because I know that I have to go elsewhere and can't share it
immediately with those that have inspired me to do my thing and watched me grow into
becoming Hassan. When that time comes I gotta phone it in from another place, so
when I shine, they'll only get residual hue and not the arc that is the blinding
light that God has given in talent to me.

I want to know from those that have travelled and made some other place their home
what processes used made the transition smooth. I already know that money (having a
surplus, that is) makes the whole logistical thing go well, but what about the
emotional and spiritual connection to the area and people?

*What actually called you to pilgrimage to this particular piece of land?

*How did you connect when you got there and how long did it take to not look for old
landmarks you were used to seeing in your former hometown while driving or commuting?

*What was that moment when you knew "yeah, I'm home" and felt good about making that

*How was adjusting to those subtle differences (the lingo, grocery stores and
gas stations, radio and TV, the difference in culture, spaces and places to kick
it to, the racial makeup and differences in dealing with that, etc.), was it a
challange? How much so?

*Did you meet someone that helped smooth it out (family and friends in the new
region don't count)? How did that go?

*Were you immediately accepted or did you have to do all of the accepting and hit
the reset button in your style of being you?

*If you made a move based on employment, was there job satisfaction and fufillment
when you got settled, in other words - was it worth it to move?

*Did or do you currently have that 'temporary feeling'? Meaning, are you just biding
time until you find your 'real home' or have you planted roots after realizing that
wherever you are is where you're supposed to be?

*How do you bridge the gap when it comes to seeing and spending time with family you
left behind? Word is born son, I need to be around Ma Dukes (vintage Kane), the sibs, Granny
Grand as well as my neices and nephews (fa' shizzle) on a more than regular basis, so and
as long as Jet Blue, Air Tran and Southwest exist, I will be at mom's house dropping
loads in the bathroom (vintage Cube) damn near every other weekend eating. Something
bad for my heart. On the forilla my nilla (vintage Geto) we at Ma's flat grubbing, no shorts - and
that's my word. Quit being greedy and pass the haat sawce!

I'll bee dat
I'll bee dat (Reggie Noble is helping a brother cope... deal with me, please)
I'll bee dat
I'll bee dat

I was speaking with an old friend with a new status and heard this horror story about
adjusting to a new world while dealing with a love interest they moved there to be
with. Know that there is nothing like that for me right now, I just know that I need
to be elsewhere and at this point finding love is absolutely not on my agenda.

My focus on surviving beyond 35 in a world not geared torwards me or my interests
consumes all of my time and thought. I worry that I won't have the monthly payment
to pay the old folks home so they can neglect my stank ass when I'm 80. I know that
there won't be any social security, plus, who can live off of $444 a month anyway?
I worry about not being able to put in the time needed with a company to become
vested and having enough ends to retire and take care of my mortgage, the wife's
shopping habit and Junior's 36 year old as still mooching off of old Pops. There is
no company loyalty and way too many layoffs, so I gotta find a side hustle or two
and invest that loot to make sure I can continue chewing.

Daddy needs a new set of dentures.. Or implants it is 2006.

I feel so disconnected and spiritually void living in Chicago, but I love this place
so much. I can't imagine having a relationship, getting married or having kids here
because I know that I would pass that brokeness, that burden this enviornment lays
on me over to her and down to my children, so I must set myself free of this place
and this vibe. Right now, the habit of blogging and having contact with my extended
family is what keeps me going. I need those virtual shoulders to lean on at this
moment so if you could indulge a brother, it would be so on point.

I need advice, guidance and input so I'm asking you. What can you tell me?

1 comment:

Rose said...

These are excellent questions. I hope that you can find the answers that you are seeking. I came back home after college so I didn't have the experiences. But I would say that you find someone on the new job who can tell you about the place, the ins & outs. If you are in a frat call them and they should be able to help. Also contact the chambers of Commerce and they can send you their booklet with all the information in it. Take a tour of the place you are interested in via a tour guide.. those are just some suggestions.