Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


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Monday, July 10, 2006

Life in the country is fine

Blogging from the road is hard. I got photos but give me a minute... Left the USB cable back in never neverland.

Yeah, it's official, I had to move up my plans and get on the grind a little sooner than expected. Until late September/early October I'll be a hotel living, company-provided transport riding, chocolate coffee bean eating trying to stay awake, penny pinching budgeting ass brother in training.

Wish me well.

This is a significant change from what I thought I was going to do. Not only have I left Chicago, I also left my job, family and friends and all of my possessions that I could not give away or sell (minus sentimental shit and freedom papers), and that felt oddly good.

I think.

I've been eluding to starting over from scratch and it seems that I was forced into doing it like this thanks to a few situations and opportunities that presented themselves rather quickly. I'm looking at this more as a challenge now and I'm measuring myself in every step to make sure I'm where I want to be and I get what I want. I was in some type of Matrix induced haze (thanks Coreen) living in the Chi and I had no real support with what I was trying to do from those that I thought I was close to me. I don't fault anyone but myself. I know that everybody has their own shit to muddle thru, I just thought that the time, effort money and support I used to be right there for a lot of folk went unappreciated. People did shit for me and I do appreciate that, but, the bad outweighed the good.

Some people just can't see what I saw. I thought I saw God in a lot of folk but I was mistaken. Hell, I am the company I keep so there wasn't a whole lotta' God in me, so I had to break free, straighten up and fly right.

So, I got rid of all the things that attatched me to those places, people and things that ate me up inside. I'll start over. I'm traveling extensively in this new job, and maybe if ATL ain't the place for me to be then I'll find where I need to be and build my fortress of solitude there.

Trust me when I tell you that I'm a little afraid. This is where I step out on faith to replace that. Sister Serenity told me that fear is the opposite of faith so I'll replace my fears and put all things in His hands. Now if I could just stop cussing...

I can breathe now. I feel like I just lost 100 pounds. I actually smiled for my job profile photo today and It feels good to be here with myself, by myself. I wish I would have had this courage to step away years ago. Imagine where I'd be if I would've done that!

It's a good Monday, I hope all of y'all are having one. I'm sitting here laughing to myself, thinking about that whole first day of the rest of your life saying that some people use. That makes me smile even harder because I'm being forced to do something about it in every sense of my actions. In re-launching me I have to be on it every damn day. As it stands right now all I have tangible is this job and nothing else. I'll worry bout' the apartment in a few weeks. First thoughts had me not enjoying this, but I am enjoying what I do for a change and not drudging the whole work thing because that definately bleeds over into everything else.

Thank God for change because change is good.

Nah, just thank God. Sometimes We are given too much and we can get lost in that. Material possessions can always be obtained, you can always put people around you, but if you fail to put yourself with the right people in the right areas you will indeed fail. That's what I did. I put them and those before The Father and myself. The domino effect of BS was the sobering red pill that woke me up and convinced me to take myself out of the Matrix. No offense to those friends and fam back in the Chi, I still love y'all but you know everything was just wrong. I was wrong for being there so I'm correcting some things. I get the message now loud and clear and that is you can't be where you aren't either wanted or appreciated. Sometimes it's best to go it alone and I knew this, but I kept on pushing. With my actions, in time other things will be corrected as well we just gotta have patience. Now that I removed myself from the equation a furious burden was lifted off of me and I feel 100 times better about self and situation.

Life in the country is fine.

I love that song...

13 comments:

West said...

Best of luck, Hassan.

And, if I didn't misunderstand that one line...

Welcome to the South.


I don't know exactly what you're looking for, but I hope you find it or it finds you... and that you recognize each other.

Knockout Zed said...

This is a good story. Ain't nothin' in the world like a fresh ass start!

KZ

chele said...

I applaud your courage. Starting over is scary but sometimes it is necessary. Change equates to growth and what's wrong with growing? Not a daggone thing! I'm happy for you. I know you'll do well.

princessdominique said...

Can't wait to see the photos.

Ms_SoCal said...

U know I am proud of you ... u know that I support you.
Take care of you!


Peace and Blessings,

xoxoxoxox ~ me

VerseOne said...

i wish u well. also in the words of some anonymous person..."if what your doing isn't changing you, then why are you doing what you're doing?"


peace Bro

aquababie said...

welcome down south!

folk might not understand what you need, but you do. the material is what keeps us tied down. take it from me...i'm a packrat.

good luck on this leg of your journey.

nikki said...

i'm so excited for you! i'm also glad you've got a positive outlook on this. that's the most important thing to have right now.

NegroPino™ said...

WOw..u are brave...i thought about starting over again but im chicken.....so much respect to you......good luck in your endeavors...and if ATL dont work, theres always BOSTON!!!!!!

The Brown Blogger said...

West:
Afer all of my training in Mormon country is done I'm having my housewarming party all up in your neck of the woods. It's where I want to be. As far as what I'm looking for, I look to be happy with what I'm doing and where I am.

Check
and
Check

KZ
I need it brother. Nothing like a doing the damn thing the right way. Without distractions and detractors I get to do this and craft my life how I want it. Feels good being bullshit free. Not just a story, but my life. I've been real honest and open about me and I hope I get somewhere close to a storied ending.

Nah, fuck that... I'm just enjoying the moment!

Chele
I'm scared as hell. I only know a few people in Atlanta and I'm not that close to them as of yet, maybe never. It's just me, my pets and the clothes on my back. I don't know how I got the courage to do it... Wait - I was tired of being tired of the bullshit relationships, jobs and tired ass situation I was in when in Chicago. I had to shake it off and do something or I would have spiritually died. I have to step out on faith on my actions now because I have no idea what's going to happen next. But I like it!!!

FreeDomeChild
That was the first thing I had to change, seeing as I am not defined by what I do but it does take up a lot of my time and efforts, so I had to be happy in that first. Good move. Glad I made the change. You'll see exactly what that job is in a moment. Let me be a student first. And snap some more photos.

AquaBoogie
That's exactly what this is right now, a portion. I found out that my 'stuff' was holding me from being where I wanted to be. I didn't know how easy it was to let that ish go. So much for that big screen TV. I dropped that off first. I always thought that I would need things to feel comfortable in my life, I was so wrong. Having all that stuff was nice but what I really need is love. Support. Babies... WAIT Wrong time and response for that. Let me set the crib up first.

Then I'm choosing her and we're making babies!

That came off kind of horny, huh?

Indigo
Hell yeah I'm positive about my moves. I'm actually doing what I wanna do right now and that feels liberating. I thought it would be hard at first letting go, but I realized that I wasn't holding onto anything tangible here. I have an adventure that I can write about and tell my babies babies! I'm living that right now while a lot of my kinfolk are barricaded in thier bullshit, afraid to move. I could no longer live that way... So to hell with it, I just walked.

Walking burns fat and elevates the heart rate to levels that relaxes blood pressure and also pumps more blood to the outer extremities, easing arthritis pain and enhancing mood. Keeps blood sugars in check as well, so I want in on the weight loss blog.

Pino
I'm chicken too, but I had to think about where I'd be this time next year. That thought scared the shit out of me. I'm too old to procrastinate and too young to not get out there and do what I wanna. Thanks for the well wishes, and I actually just passed on a job there. I need some country air. I will be performing there later this year after we finish the album. Yes, I'm still working on that because certain things must be completed. Boston is nice, but too much concrete, steel and glass... Kinda like Chicago.

Gallis said...

Oh sure. I go to bed with a sinus infection and when I wake up, you're offski!

Heh!

Exciting stuff. I'll be reading!

brooklyn babe said...

Happy Regrouping.
The south was a big readjusting for a city slicker like me...
but everyone in a while... you need to inhale some tumbleweed...
and embrace lil john.
enjoy...

Anonymous said...

What up bruh...
I know I already said this but good luck & Godspeed. I'm sure this move will do wonders for your muse. I spoke to brother Keith the other day & he sends his greetings as well.