Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


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Monday, October 16, 2006

What it is...

Hold up...

You said that I peaked your
interest and then walked away.


I never got a chance to speak.


I saw you over there, and
although your smile said hello
and your eyes invited me to come
over, it wasn't that.


We spoke, and your voice was more
than I expected, perfect pitch to
me and as comforting as mamma's
lullaby, conversation turned into
staccato statements about want,
need, lust and love. Politics and
stance were discussed and we
achieved balance in one conversation

but it wasn't that either.

Physically, you are the challenge
that the teenage boy in me cannot
overcome. Intelligent and
curvaceous. Opinionated and
sultry country thick. Fingertips
call for me to want to hold your
hand even in the most inopportune
moment, your eyes show me more
that soulful spirituality. Your
lips say more closed in that
crooked position than when open.

The nape of your neck calls for
my lips to lightly stroke it and

damn I want to do it, but...

Nah, it's not that.


Even in the admiration of your
immense Nubian stature, not
afraid to show the world the hips
that baby Africa rests on, having no
inhibitions on displaying the
earth tones that personify your
the depth and richness that is
your skin... impresses me.


But it ain't that either.

Being able to handle your own
against the powers of the world
both government and corporate.
Challenging men with deep pockets
and old societies who reflect a
polar opposite of us in the relentless
pursuit of tangible things. Being
daddy when daddy can't be and being
acknowledged as mother to the world.


Ain't that.

I'll tell you what it is.

I see God in you.

2006 Hassan Olumoroti Ntimbanjayo

I remember when I wrote that for her. I remember the look I received the first time our eyes met. As I wrote this, I knew that it was the first time I had written about any encounter I had at all. I was so overwhelmed in actually being right there, that she had actually taken the time to spend it with lil old me those words formed in my head as I tried to keep from squirming in my seat. When I got home, I remembered exactly what I thought.

Sometimes I feel so small in a world that I know I can topple if I ever opened my big mouth.

It wasn't the world that had my mouth agape, it was the fact that I could feel the anger, the lust, the unappreciated love she had to give, her yearn to bare children, her wanting to save the world one child at a time, the interest she took in me...

I could feel her.

I have never felt anything like that in my life and I know why. I had traveled so far to do other things, blowing off serious appointments and a meeting just to make time because what I felt from afar was just the tip of an emotional iceberg and I had to be in her presence just once. I was afraid of being there, but I stood pat. I had finally found someone that had more control over thier power than I. It's known that I have this thing, like a newfound mutant over at Professor Xavier's school, this thing that I do that evokes emotion through speech, written word and song. I know that I have these gifts, but I cannot seize the power to do what I want to do with it because I know it's God's will and not mine. But to meet someone that has that thing you can feel just from standing there...

Shit.

I know why I wrote what I wrote. I felt at home in her presence, and it was hard to talk about the intimate so we conversed about the mundane, secretly giving subtle hints to the deeper aspect of what really was. It went on for hours. I finally got over the urge to just piss my pants in fear and I opened up and was received. That felt funny. Never in my years did I flow in a moment that was ruined by not having enough time. I wish I could have stopped all time and space so we could have just sat there going through each other's mental rolodex over a few bottles of wine but I knew that wasn't possible.

I learned that she is fallible, prone to many mistakes, a mere mortal woman and a woman on the path of right ready to be loved. She is indeed mortal, (I checked) but I was still overwhelmed just being in her line of sight at that moment. Sun, moon, earth and stars had all crossed this woman in ways unimaginable and yet she still stood. Horrors and disfigurement of family ways were as routine as a hit TV show. Still there. There were many misnomers made and she had overcome every single one of them using her power, that gift that I speak of and I so admire and love her for that. I could have gotten down on one knee and asked her to leave all of the bullshit behind and just ride with me after learning of her that evening but I knew that I could not.

Not that I couldn't have asked her. She probably would have thought that it would have been a great plan to right the universe. We could have made babies to strengthen her army of spiritual balance to my logic and reason in the face of the damned but we didn't. We could have taken the world and held it captive in our creative banter for the next few decades, but we didn't. We closed our conversation that day and went back to our respective ends of the forest, distance being our only obstacle, neither of us ever looking back.

I had fallen in love and had my heart broken in no less than 4 hours. It was the only face to face conversation we've ever had.

I still have that moment and she still has this poem.

There are others... Poems, that is.

17 comments:

deepnthought said...

WOW

princessdominique said...

That was fluid and breathtaking. Thank you for the wonderful ride.

Luke Cage said...

Hassan brother... that was tight man. But hey, a woman like that comes around once in an eon. Why didn't you go after her man? What prevented you guys from getting together at least, or was it personal mitigating circumstances?

I've been able to pull off a marriage from a long distance relationship. It's hard, real hard but possible. You both have got to sacrifice something though. That was good. Real good brother. Many thanks for the incredible vision.

The Brown Blogger said...

Brother Luke...

We were so tied up in our own personal circumstances we prestty much agreed to make love to each other from across the room, across the table... etc.

Those four or so hours was our moment.

Something happened this weekend that brought that feeling, that thought back to the surface.

Aly Cat 121 said...

umph, "I see God in you" and in purple too?! I wasn't expecting that. That's some deep sh*t. And real too. There's nothing like meeting THE ONE and knowing it. She may have said yes, you never know. I've been with my Hunny since our first "in person' meeting and he asked me to marry him shortly after that. That was 6 years and 3 babies ago. LOL (I can not imagine my life without him or our children).

Kip said...

Hey Hassan


Chance: It is better to have encountered love than to never have known it, love will crucify you to purify you of the dross of former relationships that you thought you found love dwelling there. Love she hides a hidden sword to wound you and even though she slays you she will heal you from the wound. If one fear’s love’s thrashing (purification process) then it is better to go and seek a relationship based upon canal pleasures only. Love hurts and hurts and wounds and wounds some more this wounding that love brings is a purification process to see if you are worthy of love. And, if love finds you worthy she will direct and guide your path. There will be a song of praise upon your lips and holy fear of the sublime one (GOD) in your heart. And when you lie down (die) she (love) will guide you to the abode of Allah (GOD), and say to you – you found me in life and we became one. And as we were together in life we shall be together in paradise, dancing before the Master of the universe (GOD). When love calls follow her there is a love in this world for ever man and woman. Remember when she calls embrace her.

It is said THAT MOTHER IS GOD’S NAME ON THE LIPS OF A CHILD, and my wife, my spouse, and my companion is GOD's love represented among humans.



Peace Hassan,

By Chance

aquababie said...

i remember when i wrote like that. it's beautiful to have that inspiration...that muse. i've had those times when the moments seem just right. i hope she continues to inspire you.

DivineLavender said...

umpf.

brooklyn babe said...

Now I have not read a blog, word for word like that in a MINUTE...

Its funny I read this... and saw "her."
In fact who "her" is even came to pictorial mind.

And all I can say, is you describe her perfectly.

Hot.

bK bAbe

The Brown Blogger said...

All of y'all flatter me, thank you. It's her that impresses the shit out of me. Even most of the time I say that I feel cursed to never love or be loved, it is that moment I reflect on that warms me and makes me feel like actually loving like that is possible.

Even though I'll never get a moment like that again, I still have faith and am willing to step out on it.

Gallis said...

How can you say you have faith if you don't think you're meant to love or be loved?

Full of contradictions you are.

Uh....I just reread this and wondered when exactly I turned into Yoda?

Naomi said...

I'm not here to flatter you, Hassan. That is one of the BEST poems I've ever read - hands down! I could feel every word. I wish men would write poems for me like that! ;-)

Keep the writing coming. I love your style! Simply awesome.

Your profile alludes to a "budding wordsmith." You, my friend, transcended that level a long time ago, problably before you started this site.

Prophetess said...

And we see God in you, too, Hassan.

Such a beautiful ode.

I was just passing through.

NegroPino™ said...

Her doesnt know what she's missing

Anonymous said...

What an impact those four hours had on you. Thanks for sharing the memory with us.

Naomi said...

JoJo is right. We see God in you.

LadyLee said...

That was BEAUTIFUL...