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Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


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Monday, January 08, 2007

How Simple Is It?

It’s not the fact that I feel like I’ve mastered the art of moving forward, It’s the fact that some folks either don’t understand or have never been taught how to and find it strange when I say that I’ve moved on from detrimental things.

Somewhere in-between the time I moved to the most violent neighborhood in Chicago in my teens (and participating and witnessing a lot of said violence) to getting an apartment after spending a few months homeless and bouncing around back in 96 (and finally giving in to the point where I had to ask strangers for money - begging for change is the most humbling thing I've ever had to do. It also changed my spirit, I'll explain one day) I learned how to find the reason I had a hang up, realized that it held me back, understood the how behind it and was able to get over it and move forward.

I realize and respect that sometimes there is an event or a series of them that happen in a person’s life. I also know that these events can be abusive, abrupt or disconnecting and happens in a flash, leaving someone feeling helpless and without merit or value. I also know that it’s hard to understand how and why these things happen to us, especially if we’re young or are in a vulnerable position as an adult. Most times if we’ve been affected by something, some event or someone we search out the reasons why once we feel strong enough to want to know or we do worse… We suppress it.

I don’t know where it came from. Some folks have an issue with how simple it is for me to process an event or bad circumstance like a break-up or separation from a person, death or being laid off or released from a job, realize the goodness in it and then just let it go and move on. I have an answer, but some folks just can’t believe the answer is this simple:

I am not my job.

It was not my fault.

It happened to me, but it didn’t take me away from ME or the universe, cause I’m still breathing

I made a mistake and now I’ll correct it. (if that applies)

I am still alive and free. Why should I let something from the past define me regardless of what it is or from whom?

I am not perfect. I do know that as long as I keep waking up each morning (on the nights that I do sleep) I have the right to be happy and nothing will stand in my way.

In 1977, I was sexually assaulted by a deaf-mute teacher’s assistant while on a field trip. We were camping and he woke me up in the middle of the night, took me to the shower facilities and proceeded to bathe me and fondle my genitalia. He did not rape me or penetrate my person but it made me wonder about why grown folks were so curious about having sex at an early age.

A long time ago I confronted that man and he basically said that he couldn’t remember. We did discuss if he had a fascination with boys and his demeanor showed me that he did. That explained it for me, I understood that it wasn’t my fault, accepted the fact that karma had already gotten the best of this sick individual who abused my trust and got over it. It was a simple process for me. I know that worse things have happened to others and it might not be as easy to be as forthcoming, but I know that one can overcome anything if the right question is asked.

You are the answer.

Just ask the right question.

Once you understand the question, you have the sum of all of its parts, like a math problem.

It is then easier to know how the (math) problem was formulated when all the parts are there for you to see.

You deserve to be happy but you must put yourself in the place of happy in order to experience it. Nothing from the past or present, nothing that someone either said or did to you should hold you back from being in that happy place. Even if you never have the nerve or the opportunity to face your fears or question your oppressor(s), you still deserve to be free of all things that restrict you from being you.

You are still here for a reason.

You still have time but the clock is running.

You still have the chance to drop the baggage and jump in… The water is warm.

I know this. This is the reason nothing or no one can keep me from being happy. I wish I could better express it to make it easier to understand. I want to be happy with you but you have to get here so we can be in a state of happy together.

Shit, is the game on yet?

24 comments:

T. S. Snowden said...

profound...

deepnthought said...

this was very very beautiful. thank you for your words.

aquababie said...

there's not a thing i can say about this. the honesty is true perfection. bless you for letting the universe hear this.

Anonymous said...

That was the most fabulous post I've ever read. It just seemed to reach inside and touch me.

Ming Houser, Realtor said...

Thank you for posting this.

I am one of those people that suppresses things. I think like all the things you put in blue and I never think about it again. That's good and bad. I don't let the world beat me down, yet I never fully embrace all the emotions that are associated with said event. It sometimes scares me.

There was a lot of strength that resonated throughout this post. Good for you!

Enigma said...

Good post. Trying to learn to live my life this way. Thanks.

Rose said...

This is a great post. As usually you tell it lkie it tis. We can overcome anything...you are listed as one of the top ten AA blogs. Visit my post and quick on the link.

Ms.Honey said...

I really must book mark this...

VerseOne said...

whats up man. that was a great post... i know it's been a minute since i've been on your blog, but maybe that energy reached out called my bruh.


Peace

Dee said...

thank you thank you thank you
I will print this out and put it in a safe place and read it from time to time

I have wished away the past and shaken my fist at the sky and nothing can undo it. I have said "will I never have peace"? But I think this will help.

So...Wise...Sista said...

Well that post warranted more than a corny comment...thanks for not listing an email addy!

But I will hold out my arms to give you a hug and say thanks for that real talk and wisdom. SO on point, and spoken with the assured and powerful humility of a great writer. Dope.

Shai said...

Wow! You are really putting yourself out there. Bravo for your courage to be so expressive.

Anonymous said...

I really needed this today Hassan. It really is that simple. I usually travel down my blogroll quickly and forget about the post that was just read. I need to marinate on this one though. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

I never ever got this in Church. Thats why I stopped going. This was the best sermon I've heard/read in a long long time.
For that I thank you.
Time to blogroll you :)

http://africangirlinanamericanworld.com

Ms_SoCal said...

Ummm ... I needed that!

Remnants of U said...

Wow! All I can say is WOW! And thank you for stating it so clearly.

Sweet KeiKei said...

i agree with ms shai...you are really not afraid to put yourself out there so others understand where you are coming from. i only hope that i can be that brave someday as i am currently struggling to face and accept my part in my life...
GOD BLESS!!!

Anonymous said...

it is 12:45 am and you now have me thinking

Believer said...

Check out today's post on my blog! Thanks for inspiring me.

"I'm posting after reading and being moved from a post by Chele. What's more, she posted on her blog after being enlightened from a post by Hassan. In short, we all are expressing with enthusiasm how our past doesn't define our future."

http://www.ruhoffman.blogspot.com/
Voice on Miscellaneous Matters
"Part of being a Master is learning how to sing in nobody else's voice but your own." - Hugh Macleod

LadyLee said...

WOW...

You said it, and you said it good...

This one will earn you your Original Oldboy Platinum Plus card.

Really though.

Great post.

Gallis said...

As I said before, "cue the kleenex".

Anonymous said...

I found you by way of Southern Gal who shared how much this post moved her. I share the same sentiment.

There are no words...just wow.

Lola Gets said...

Wow. This post was very deep, made me think. I sometimes have the tendancy to get hung up on past events...your post gave me another way to think about things. Ill probably have to keep reading it though, lol.
L

Ray said...

Hey man,

I know that getting to where you are now was difficult and I admire that fully. I have some issues of my own that I am dealing with, due to shadows of my past, and I hope to get to a place where I can say "I am not responsable for it" and use it to make me a stronger human being.

God bless!!