Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


Thursday, August 09, 2007

I'm Here! Now What Do I do?

I knew I was supposed to be here in some capacity.

I thought my father needed me, he may not to the extent I would like to think so but others will somehow.

Today I lost my aunt.

I used to spend many o' summer at her home in Indiana. She lost her husband, my uncle Henry a few years back and she hasn't been the same since. Sometime earlier this year her health deteriorated and she just couldn't hold on. She died in her home quietly around her children and a few of the church family.

I am pleased that she went out like that. I hope to die like that when it's my time.

I am in Chicago as a guest of the new company I work for, staying at a hotel near the second, smaller airport. I made way after processing benefit paperwork and such to hook up with my brother and made my way out to the house.

My mother was there.

We talked. It wasn't normal but we shared a conversation and functioned like human beings. If you don't know, I haven't spoken to my mother since this time last year.

And you wonder why The Creator puts you in certain places, huh?

Some folks think too much about where they're supposed to be or if someone or somethings by someone should be done or not done but I say just go where you think you're called and maybe just maybe... You're probably supposed to be there.

Even if you don't know the reason.

If you haven't been home in a while, go home. If you haven't seen someone in a hot minute, go and see them. If you feel that you're not supposed to be someplace, get the hell out of there. Just go where your heart calls you. It may hurt someone or jeopardize some things you think are supposed to be for you.

my heart told me to be where I am right now. All I could do is take the little pennies I had and get my ass back to Chicago. I knew someone needed to at least see me, and it was my mother of all people. I love her but honestly can't stand to be where she is most of the time because she does not address me as an adult. Some things you just have to tuck away or put to the side and just extend yourself in some capacity. I knew all of my family needed me, including my mother.

It's going to be one hell of a weekend, but that's what I came here for. I called it last week, I tell ya...

I gotta spend time with my loved ones and catch up with them distant cousins. And re-establish that missing connection with my mother.

And get my dad a suckling pig... And some wood chips.


Gallis said... interesting. I've been mulling similar things over lately. Thanks for reinforcing my resolve.

P.S. And c'mon that "It's called Europe." comment was funny!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear about your aunt....but I'm really glad to hear that you're getting "comfortable" back at home. You're right...that's where you're supposed to be right now.

But you know you killing me with the pig and wood chips right???? LOL

Gallis said...

You know, my last comment is exactly why I shouldn't read blogs at 4:45 a.m.

Obviously, I am very sorry to hear about your aunt, and meant to say as much.

Sigh. More coffee.

DurtyMo said...

I am so sorry about the loss of your aunt. You and your family are in my prayers.

The Second Sixty-Eight said...

Imma have to hop a train across to Chicago! I will find some damn wood chips! Or if not that I will chop a damn tree down and bring that sucka! We got too many trees in Michigan anyway.

Like I said before, sometimes I think you are me. I have been trying to reconnect myself lately. Too much time goes by, and too many people as a result.

Bananas said...

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."
- Nelson Mandela

aquababie said...

i hate to hear of your aunt's transistion. i'm glad to hear she was surrounded by loved ones.

looks like your spirit is supposed to be in chicago. the rest will come.

Luke Cage said...

Condolences fam. I think only you can place the passing of your aunt and getting the sr. Brown Blogger wood chips and suckling pig in the same post and go from a sad face to a smile. Nicely done my man..

Muze said...

wow. sorry about your aunt. sounds like the most peaceful way to pass though...

"If you feel that you're not supposed to be someplace, get the hell out of there. Just go where your heart calls you. It may hurt someone or jeopardize some things you think are supposed to be for you."

^^ advice i need to take seriously.

Rose said...

I'm sorry to hear about your aunt. You said some mighty important things in this blog. I totally agree with you. Important relationships to me should be mended.