Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


Friday, May 23, 2008

Esteem Issues And Real Life

Truth is, maybe it's just time for me to stop talking to myself.

Seeing that I'm almost 40, that means the influence from my generation is clear, concise and blatant, and this is the world I must live in because I and others like myself designed and implemented it.

I would say since May of 2000 I've been on the company of those that have needed my assistance and loved my motivational speech but didn't want me around for much else. The trend continues only because I'm a product of my designed environment. Not that I've been a doormat (I have for some and I've gone a long way emotionally, travel-wise and have even given up my own personal goals, beliefs and sometimes have even done things moralistically wrong to appease folks) for everyone, but this is what living for me feels like right now.

I know where I want to be in life and I speak of doing things to try to get there but it's always the folks, places and things the closest to you that get in your way, and that asks if you made the right decisions on things.

I no longer know if I have.

Blogging is the last thing I want to do among other things, but I still do it because this is the only constant I have going for me right now. I used to never come back to my blog and read things, but now I do. I hit the archives at random and see how low I can go when recalling the past. I'm noticing that my past and my present are pretty much the same as far as overall happiness goes which means that I shouldn't even prepare for the future because it'll be the same shit.

I am no better than anyone and I'm so disappointed in all of us. We all suck and none of us are doing anything to change the suckiness. From politics to personal issues to financial matters, all of the tools we need to make change are right in front of us, but we'd rather live with drama.

At least most of us will look good dying in vain.

I know I will.

But first, I gotta get my hair done.
And I need a manicure.
And I gotta incorporate, get an EIN and then file bankruptcy under my SSN
And get business credit and buy a home
And put a hydrogen filter on my car engine so I can get 45 mpg
Or buy a 1996 Geo Metro using my EIN and business credit
And get a business credit account at Sam's Club
And write off my car payment, up to half on my mortgage and my groceries
And with my savings I'll buy a boat
And use my equity from my expensive home to expand my business
Then file Chapter 11 like Hammer did and tuck 30 mil in a tax shelter
And use my deductible expenses via tax return to get tax lien certificates
And use my 23% interest earned to send my child to a HBCU
Hire my kids to manage my income properties, keeping the 30% property mgmt charges
Get old on my ranch
Dig up old line brothers and laugh at profits made when the frat bought a stake of Microsoft and spun it in the hood by opening up Prometric Training&Testing centers, churning out 19 year old database administrators and software support specialists


I'm currently holding myself back. That'll never happen because...


Bananas said...

When I was a teenager, most people I knew had three goals.

Find someone to have sex with
Make lots of money
And live the high life

I had very, very different goals.

Take scuba diving lessons.
Take sailing lessons
Take flying lessons.

The reason I bring this up is to illustrate a point. I was taught to have goals that were action oriented, not philosophical ideas that had no real plan. I think this is where many, not all, people fall short. For instance we can say we want to be a millionaire but what’s the plan to do that?

If you have the plan, you have the steps, and if you have the steps, you can articulate to those in the way, that they are fucking up your steps - they need to get the fuck outta the way. In addition, planning makes things a lot more visual and easier to evaluate.

I think most folks know this, but rarely do we make a plan, and rarely do we stick to it. Plans are hard damn work and may require sacrifices. Who the fuck wants to do that?

Lastly, by nature people do not like to see others achieve. Oh we say we do but deep down in side, there’s a little green monster in all of us. So we knowingly or unknowingly keep folks down. Which means that sometimes you just have to say, “Step off Space Cadet. You’re slowin’ my roll and fucking up my plan.”

I know that's something that I have to do from time to time.

That’s not cruelty or insensitivity, that’s just keeping on top of the plan.

So work your plan my Brother, and let no one keep you from it. Not even you.

Darius T. Williams said...

Yea man, taking time for your self is sooo important. You can't be a help to others if you're not balanced!

Ticia said...

Hey! First time here -

I love looking back at my archives.. I have grown a lot

The Second Sixty-Eight said...

Interesting plan. Imma ponder that a touch...

Anonymous said...

I look back at my archives and I see how much I have changed and my blog changed. It was a game among us freshman and now I actually cherish the time I take to blog.

Luke Cage said...

Unbelievable that i'm reading this blog on this very subject. I recently got my domain name pulled out from under me (very legally too I might add) and reacquired a new domain. And in doing that, I had to upload all of my images, files, posts and ARCHIVES. And I sat back reading my first one from 2002.

Geez bro. That's ALOT of posts and archives and what a growth, change, awareness and design changes I've been through. Simply amazing and now I'm reading this. Take that time to yourself. As I'm doing my rounds around the blogosphere, I'm actually away doing that very thing. Great timing, then again, great minds think alike.

Oh and an update is in order. Here's my new page address. Just the hyphen has been added, otherwise it's the same ol' same ol'! Hit me up soon bro.

Gallis said...

It's ok to be battle fatigued. Maybe you just need a break.