Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


Tuesday, June 30, 2009

You Just Gotta Watch Something Crumble That'll Make You Feel Better About Your Crumbling Mess, Now Don't Cha?

I don't know how I made it through the weekend.

I really don't .

I accept death as a part of life, and I do not mourn the dead. I look forward to celebrating life like they do in the Bayou, so... As much as MJ's funeral will add closure to a moment I thought I would NEVER see, I am looking to take the time to celebrate his life, contributions to the world and that music of his. I will never get tired of listening and sanging with him...

I also have an initiative I want the world to complete with me on his birthday:

On his birthday two monts from now, I would love the world to find a sequined glove, some glittery-assed socks, a MJ themed T-Shirt and if you can, either a Thriller, Beat It or Billie Jean jacket and rock it to the workplace, school or just around the way for the entire day. I have spoken to the shyest, most introverted folk, some thug cats and a few conservative mutha effers and they all agree... Nothing can stop this bum rush. Michael Jackson changed the world and it would be fitting for us to pay tribute and make it a yearly habit. You have 2 months and you have been warned...

Enough about the King...

I am not looking forward to the next leg of my trip. You see, I cannot get past what happened between the wife and myself this past weekend. See, wifey thinks that we have our WHOLE LIVES on the internet. I don't think that this is the case. She thinks that there is something certainly wrong with the world all up in our business when I can tell her factually that the world ain't giving one big shit about us.

Where it is cathartic to let things go in the method I do, none of y'all with the exception of a small, chosen few actually know what the hell is going on in our household minus the various photos and blogposts that I do, and what you see, hear, view and read about isn't even one eighth of what our lives are or are about. If I could reveal more than I would, but I think what I'm giving is just about enough. based on conversations with some in my inner circle and those that just found about my blog and just started lurking via facebook, they wish to know more and know how my other half and I are doing so well in the face of adversity.

That could be the joke of the week to me, because seriously, I believe I am at the point where I could either be at my most destructive in reacting to the bullshit that is happening in my so-called marriage or I could just walk the fuck away.

And it was funny hearing the comments from some folk that were at my 20th year high school reunion jawn... Seeing that most of the folk that had an opinion had only read up a couple of months on my ass on facebook where there isn't much info than there is here on me/us.

Whatever. But...

See, I cannot live a lie, a life based on lies or lies about my life according to a series of lies based on keeping other lies suppressed. This is what I'm dealing with right now. I have to make a decision on how I want to live the rest of my life and I cannot lie about how, who and where I want to do that based on what other people think of my stank ass. Their opinion has never mattered when I write a check to pay the car note, so why should it matter now?

I can give lees than a fuck about what family and friends say or think about what I'm doing to save my shit. Furthermore, I know for a fact that certain folk ain't really rocking their shit as well as perceived as well, so I urge those that have an opinion to stay up out of my shit and enjoy the website, videos and posts relating to how I deal with mine.

My shit ain't as cool as the other side of the pillow as some may think, and the reason I decided to pull the plug on rent, car notes and utilities was to make it easy to walk the hell away if our self counseling did not work. I can walk away from this relationship if I am not successful in exhausting all of our possibilities and am willing to document that shit and share certain points with the world, are you?

I don't think so because some of y'all just cannot walk away. Drama, credit and financial issues and downright fear of what another mutha effer might say, momma, best friend or otherwise is holding you to choice that ain't making your ass happy. Do not project your drama on me. If this relationship ends, it will be based on logic and common sense. All marriages aren't supposed to last and at least I'm doing the dirty work in finding out if mine is one of those I just spoke on.

My shit ain't perfect, and I feel that after our little exercise I will know for sure if this is exactly where I want to be. My wife definitely has different desires than mine, and there seems to be an issue with compromise in making certain things happen. One thing is for sure, there will be no family expansion to try to save my marriage. That is an asinine thing to do when one's love and support are questioned in the fist place. Why bring an innocent child into play? I am not going to purposely create a life just to fuck that life up mentally and emotionally. I will not see a son go wrong in this society or a daughter swing around a pole because of mommy-daddy issues.

So for those asking about children... Sit down, eat your slice of pizza and be quiet. I have to have a solvent relationship before I even consider children.

As far as the road trip is concerned, we supposed to be headed to the Grand Canyon and then Vegas next week, but we have to see if that is actually going to happen. Business interests and the willingness to be in the same place at the same time exists between her and I. If we do head out, then it will be one hell of a road trip that I hope to get some video of that's for sure.

It seems that both of our true sense of duty, purpose and responsibility is coming into play now that the rooms to run to and the doors to slam have been eliminated. But that's why I suggested this thing in the first place.

Oh, and don't worry... All things happen for good reasons. I can say for sure that I ain't neither mad nor disappointed about how things are panning out.

But I am a little tiffed on how we let the Supreme Court get their anal rape of the American people on before they ended session yesterday... You don't know, look it up... Precedent has been set and you should know about it before engaging in conversation with my reading/learned ass.

I took the time to check it out between reading and watching news coverage of the death of the King... What in the hell did you do this weekend?


Bananas said...

I’ve always be amazed in ours and many other cultures, how they make it sound so got damn easy to share your life with another person. They always roll out the nostalgic romance and the Norman Rockwell paintings and ask the question “Isn’t this grand?”

I will say that being in a committed relationship of any kind, especially marriage, can be a rewarding experience. No doubt. But let’s face it, a lot of the time it’s more of a controlled crash than it is a smooth three point landing. It’s hard damn work.

But I will say to me there is one very big benefit. You find out real quick what’s important to you. And remarkably, you find out what’s important to her too. The trick I suppose is to find out what’s important to both of you.

Seems to me like y’all are trying to figure that one out. That’s more than most would do.

Mrs. Ntimbanjayo said...

She thinks that there is something certainly wrong with the world all up in our business...

The Brown Blogger said...

I can tell her factually that the world ain't giving one big shit about us.

Take the time to finish finish the damn quote...

Marriage Counselor said...

The first step is counseling, which enables the couple to have a mediator in dealing with their issues.

Her Side said...

OMG. I just went through a breakup. I walked away, and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. He was devestated about leaving. But I found it too devestating to stay.

We started a blog together (to tell the truth about relationships instead of all that fluffy stuff people publish) and it turns out it became the chronicle of a breakup!

I went thru a short stage of wondering what folks would think. My momma hated him, and I found myself disappointed that she would get some satisfaction at my expense. Thankfully, that didn't last long... 'cause everybody else's sh*t stinks too, and my life would be a tragedy if I lived it trying to make everybody else happy! Fugg an image...

Anyway, I'll be reading here quite a bit. You are welcome to visit my spot too.

Kudos to you for the "self counseling," which many wouldn't even try... but I do believe the next step is a counselor to act as a more objective mediator.

I wish you the best, no matter which way it goes.

The ex-fiance and I are friends. And we may not be facing a permanent thing. But I know this is where I need to be right now (single), and I'm staying right here...