Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


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Sunday, July 05, 2009

Early Sunday Words

So I get texts first from my fam in Nashville...

And then the internet blows the hell up...

And then, the tele-news agencies.

Steve McNair?

Damn.


I was just going to do a post about a very cool video game jawn that highlights the black college football experience, starring Doug Williams and having input from cats like Steve (who attended Alcorn State). If y'all really know me, then you know that my wife is an alum of an HBCU and about my love of the shawties attending HBCUs. Stuff like the only time I'll contribute to my frat and sorors is when there is something in conjunction with traditionally black colleges and universities... That I was set to contribute to something that brother McNair was going to be a part of later this summer...

Damn again.

I m not afraid of death. Dude is working overtime, that I know. I am not afraid of his ass either, and I welcome him at that because this shit right now on this plane... Is booty, so I understand why all of our artisans and do gooders are being taken, leaving us here to deal with the reality that the chosen few has created, costing the 'others' to pay such a hefty price just to live in mental and spiritual poverty.

Some of y'all need to meditate that last statement I just made. I'm like a Klingon up in this piece, I really, truly feel at this point that today is a good day to die. Sunday is cool, even though I'm looking forward to that cruise later on this week.

Some of y'all can't make that statement, and as I'll never pass judgement on another human being... I just know that my thang is solvent in the spirit. I'll never ask if yours is because I don't care. That ish in on you.

As far as my marriage is concerned (lean in and read this with scrutiny), things are what they are. We communicate sometimes, other times we don't. That's pretty human to me and I care not what is thought from her perspective if she ain't game to share with me. That just is what it is. I had a couple of friends come at me with concerns in the past couple of days asking if I was happy or if I even wanted in on this marriage thing. let me say this:

Marriage is a choice. You make the decision on what you want to live with, deal with and what you're willing to take. If your ish is tight and solvent, congratulations and good luck and many blessings to you and yours in the future. My shit ain't so... Deal with that how you must. I appreciate the concern but if you ain't in my house dealing with what I and she has to deal with then hey. I don't need help. We both know that this thing is a choice. This is what it is and we'll deal with each other accordingly, and even though there is hope from a lot for the success in our partnership, know that it may end tomorrow.

We both may choose to go in another direction. It matters not which way this thing goes because we will adjust and live accordingly.

I am emotionally attached to this woman but that can change based on choice. That's real. I will no longer spend my time looking at next week when I have to deal with what's going on today, and right now, my wife and I have different agendas that can end our union sooner than later, and I am happy with whatever happens from this point. Michael Jackson lived no more than 10 years or so from where I am now, and I'm not as healthy as he was before his passing... Steve McNair was younger than me and he lived an entire NFL career and had a marriage and family well more defined than where I am now which teaches me...

Live this thing for RIGHT NOW.

And if I feel that right now I'd rather be single and free and she does as well... Then don't judge me or my wife.

You only have so much time on this plane to accomplish ish and get things done. I know that. The two of us are doing all we can to do in what we want to do by just doing that, and it's fun doing that regardless of how we feel about either continuing our marriage or ending it. She is my best friend and from what I know about that... Sometimes friends are just that... Friends. Romance isn't always involved, but we try in our friendship to take things further than just friendship because there is intimacy there.

The work comes in wanting to achieve the same goals, and that ish might take time or we might bail if we never get on the same page. I don't need to have what other folks have for me to enjoy life. I live with the notion that life is too short to waste time, so I optimize and strategize with everything I do. I never had too much time to begin with, so... Whatever. Get out the friggin way! I got stuff to do.

I'm more callous than romantic
I'm more military than civilian
I'm more in tuned with death than with life in being endgame... Death has been so certain with me and mine, so I have a more defined value of time in life than others cause you cant beat death
I'm more experience driven than based in the physical or material
I'm not religious... At all. There are so many things I do NOT believe
I am more about trial and error... One learns in every experience

So this week, we drive to the Grand Canyon, and then off to Vegas for damn near a month, if we can agree on it... If not, then whatever man. I'm game for anything these days. The passing of young, vibrant people that actually contributed to a legacy of good should tap that as with the fact that your ass ain't promised tomorrow, so do something about it.

If I hear that your ass died on the friggin couch watching TV, then whatever. You can catch me climbing rocks later this week.

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