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Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


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Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Nothing Left To Say

It has been a painfully uncomfortable weekend. On Friday, I received an injection of the anti-cancer drug Avastin into my left eye. The eye swelled, bled and teared like a leaky water faucet. Just got the eye open Sunday evening, and can now just keep my right eye open.

This was done to work antibodies against proteins running rampant in my eye cavity, causing hemorrhages and weed-like excessive nerve growth which has already happened and is currently blocking my field of vision.

The doctors also assessed the lasering done in past weeks sessions done to stop open bloodflow to the eye and determined that most of the major bleeding has stopped. This led to the decision to quickly get me into surgery today, April 10th to move as swiftly as we can to remove non-functioning matter from the left eyeball and to clear way for the macula and optic nerve to receive light.

There is both a 70% chance the eye can be saved and that my heart can make it through the operation without 'complications'.

Yes, I've come to terms that I can die on the OR table or come out of surgery without a left eye. I am peace with the decision to move forward in this process.

I have hope. That's it. If things get dire, then i'm really not satisfied with how things turned out, but I know the Creator has a master plan.

I have a request: Pray for YOUR OWN understanding. Not the one to complain, but it has been HELL dealing with folks the don't know how to deal with you, or can't do a simple Google search or figure shit out or find the right words to say in their befuddlement. I hate that, so I've mostly dealt with this agonisingly alone.

I'd have things no other way. So, I travel to the hospital and will go thru this the same way I suffered, all by myself.

Be easy, y'all. I really don't have much else to say.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have you in my prayers. May the hand of God guide your surgeons hands so you may have sight and health, Amen.

Newy said...

Prayers for you, my brother.

♥ CG ♥ said...

BB, know that you are never alone despite others inability to express their concern. I pray (and will continue to) the surgery and your recovery go well. Your unwavering belief despite all that you've endured and have to face is a testament to us all to keep the faith despite what the outlook make appear to be. Much love, I'm looking forward to reading that everything has turned out in your favor...above and beyond.