Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


Monday, February 27, 2006

March (pt II)

Peace and blessings...

It's been busy on this side of the bandwidth blast. Work, local travel and more work. I've been adjusting to sleeping limited hours, and my body is starting to let me know it doesn't really appreciate the lack of snoozing...

I've set a schedule (somewhat) of preproduction sessions to finalize the recordings that will the make the spoken word joint. I'm trying my best to make sure I got some items to take on the road with me when I hit it next month. I'm still a little afraid of what will happen when I get out there, people have different tastes and I'm sure expectations will be different as well, seeing as I'm not familiar. Whatever. It's either this or real work, and I've had my fill of that.

I've made the decision to travel to Ghana and volunteer my services. I know that I have a project going on and I should be focusing on creating soulful shit, moving units and endearing myself to folks here in the US by utilizing my God given talent, and I am by removing myself from all of the things that I both hold dearly and distance myself from. I am spoiled. I overconsume. I take people, products and things for granted. I am an American. I am not ashamed, but I do need self check.

I need to make myself useful. I do not feel useful or wanted for that matter over here with my own. As much as I've tried to make myself useful either I've been bored to death working in this mindless matrix that is corporate, disappointed in someone or have disappointed someone in either my actions or way of doing things and never truly gelling causing more distance as opposed to getting closer or done things and completed projects that have gone unnoticed, and the work put in never really went appreciated. No one saw it, an I really, really put work in too.

There are so many of us that take all of this shit for granted, and I am one of them. I posted a comment on my Blogger blog a day or so ago :

"Africa, slavery, post civil war struggle, segregation, the black power movement, Reganomics, the crack era and now the digital divide/struggle affects and touches us to the point that we need to cry, shout, worship, love, fight and fuss about it. That comes out in my music because all of that touches me and I can't keep quiet about it."

How in the hell am I supposed to get out, travel and speak on shit I know nothing about? How can I fix my mouth to talk about struggle if I am not a part of it? How can I see struggle if I'm clocking $46,700 (approximate 2006 salary, minus revenue related to mixtapes, poetry CDs, side hustles and any future personal apperances - and I do that for damn near free) a year, living all nice and shit , with my fossil fuel burning German engineered automobile, cable TV, satellite radio, and wardrobe including corporate attire as well as wardrobe items designed for casual affairs and street credibility. Oh yeah, the sporting events too. I am a whore. I've been pimped by comglomorates and companies big and small, and my attention has been turned away from my people here struggling to get what I got and my cousins there, endlessly stripped of the resources that will get them what I have.

This is unacceptable.

I gotta let this shit go.

I know that I might just sell a few CDs, move a few books and grace a stage and actually have people pay to watch me do my thing in the future based on my writing and speaking talents but you must know one thing. At this point I feel that don't deserve that. I need to be humbled and made useful. I need to be in place, experiencing the things I speak before I can speak of them. I do spend a lot of time trying to get at the minds of the youngn's here in Chicago, and it's a hard sell because they can actually tune me out and get by on minium standards (which is okay to many) which is luxury overseas where our cousins suffer.

We ain't suffering over here, trust me. As long as there is a 99 cent menu we can get by. As long as the hustle inspires instead of repelling, we will be aiight. Physically. We are mentally dead as a people and a generation, so I must go to the source and awaken, learn, live and be in the midst of what is real struggle and make myself useful in capacity to combat it, teach and learn. I gotta bring the real hustle back home and write and speak about that so that I (and we) can have a better understanding of how one must truly apply the principles of Ma'at.

That means I'm giving up everything.

Fuck that car...
And the nice digs...
And them new Jordans...
The suits and sweaters...

Fuck. Your. Couch. Nigga. (my shit is seude - fuck that couch!)

I gotta leave this place to find my place. Some of you have already told me loud and clear that my place is not here. I tried to fight and shout that I could be effective here, but my voice went raspy. Y'all could never hear me anydamnway. I may not yet know my true purpose, but I know what my mission is now. I know why things are not the way they're supposed to be, and that's because I have never struggled. I talked a lot of shit about revolution from high off the hill when I never intended to fight. And now I suffer because I have no bounty from battle, so I am rich only in bullshit and the spoils of blood money gained from the hands of the soldiers that died so that I could have the high speed internet access that I use as I type this on this customed-ass Mac. Spoiled me. I have no real purpose and can't give anything to anyone but fodder and can't be heard because my voice means nothing unless I have true purpose and definition.


I plan on doing something about that. I need funds to pay for my travels and stay overseas. I don't know how long I need to be where I need to be, but I betcha I'll figure that shit out real soon. Money saved and kept after billpaying, the CD project and appearances in the near future will finance my travels. I do plan on coming back and giving what I learned. Shame, I gotta leave the hood fo sho' in order to find out what I need to give to it. So many others are doing so much to save us, I just wanna find what I can give that is equal and unique.

This is my purpsose right now to find that.


Kip said...

Hello, Hassan

I have been reading your blog for a while now and I just did not comment. Because I felt the time was not right for me to comment on your blog back then.

I see you are searching for purpose and meaning in your life and I like that. You are a seeker of knowledge and that is good. I wrote an essay titled purpose and meaning, it deals with have a meaning behind the purpose.

Example your job is a purpose but for you as an individual it has no meaning - that inspires and motivates you to want to say this is my calling in life. The job is only a purpose to make money so an individual can buy the necessities of life.

But personally it has no meaning to the individual and it leaves the individual feeling empty, void, and bored on the inside. You are searching for a purpose in your life that has meaning, the future career you are trying to get started may actually be your purpose and it will have a meaning behind it.

And you will not feel empty, void, and bored on the inside because there is a meaning behind the purpose. Go find your calling in life Hassan your calling is your purpose and there will be meaning behind your purpose. When they ask what is the meaning behind your talent? You will say I feel joy knowing that I’m bringing joy, smiles, and happiness to others. The joy, smiles, happiness, etc is the meaning behind purpose. You will feel fulfilled, content, happy, joyful, and complete on the inside you will not feel this powerful LACK (emptiness, void-ness, and unfulfilled) that makes one angry and want to cry.

Because of this horrible feeling of incompleteness (lack, emptiness, void-ness) that torments a person. Even when a person has a well compensated job that pays all of the bills and allows that person to buy the material things they want. They will always feel this lack (voidness, emptiness, and unfulfillment) this voidnes causes unhappiness because he is not pursuing their purpose and meaning in life. Hassan go pursue your purpose and meaning and I wish you swell.

Chance your Chancellor

Kip said...

Hey Hassan

Egyptian religious mythology

I see you are familiar ancient Egyptian religious mythology you mention the laws of ma’at. We must follow the spiritual laws that have been laid down for us humans to follow.

It is because we are always violating the Laws of Ma’at we create trouble in our own lives. We must fight against our inner set (ego the ego is our inner Satan) that keeps us making mistakes. We must be aware of the red demons of set also. The red demons of set (sometimes spelled seth by some people) are our characters defects anger, hate, jealous, greed, uncompassionate, and the seven deadly sins and all sins.

It is hard but we must fight the Hassan against our inner ego (set and his children -- > characterd flaws) you are a warrior Hassan so go and fight against your inner set and his army of defects. Keep the inner struggle going because you are winning.

Take care, Hassan

Chance the Chancellor

The Brown Blogger said...

Chance, my brother, you hit the nail on the head.

I have no other words but thank you.

Thank You.

I am no longer afraid to do what I must.

Kip said...

You are welcome Hassan and good to know you will pursue your purpose and find a meaning in it.

Take care BRUH!


Anonymous said...

Thats some real shit Chance.
That's the way I feel.

I must find my calling, I will never be happy with just any job. I think I wrote this in my blog.

I'm not one for being redundant, so I won't go on.

Anonymous said...

WOAH I feel like I have just viewed a session of Sylvia Brown and Oprah all balled up into one