Version 2.0

Culture, healing, politics and bullshit - Not necessarily in that order

The general, socio-political and very personal rantings and ravings of a hip hop head from the hood hustling for change... Of himself.

You all know me and are aware that I am unable to remain silent. At times to be silent is to lie. For silence can be interpreted as acquiescence.
—Miguel de Unamuno


Friday, June 23, 2006

Even more Hassan-A-Thon answers!!! Sheesh!

I really enjoy answering the questions. Nothing has been hard or uneasy to answer, but I'm holding out for that someone to ask the deep seeded question that will break my ass down and make me confess. This has been a very rough week for me, spending most of my time in Indiana with family and friends. I thank you all for the kind words and prayer. Pray for the family, the Creator already has Grandma covered. The shit is unraveling and in a violent and argumentative way. Please pray and send kind thoughts to this family! The drives from Des Plaines, Illinois to Muenster, Indiana are hell, but it is worth every minute of it to see someone special. I don't know how much time I have left to be in her presence. I'll be there every day until the end. I owe someone money and I've had the envelope in my pocket for a week now. I feel like I can't even be a man of my word and pay this person because I've been to work, a cybercafe in Chicago to do these posts and to Indiana all this week. I've only seen my bed for a few hours, but it will be all over in the morning...

On with new questions and answers.

Nsane Lee Sane asks:
1. So what type of porn is on that hard drive?

2. I vaguely remember a story while you were in the services about some Asian women and their sex secrets. Tell me about the ones you were actually able to partake in?

3. Why do think you're not loved? Is it something about you that people hate?

4. Do you like your sphincter massaged?

Hassan Says:
1. Regular stuff. I'm not much of a porn watcher so it's old, but for some strange reason I can't erase it. I will soon because I need that valuable space.

2. None. I was too scared to partake in anything while in Korea and Japan but I did observe a thing or two out of curiosity. I did travel to the Philippines where... Well, never mind.

3. I don't think that there is anyone that will actually give that much of a damn to trust me and let me in. I truly believe that I was put on this planet to be objectified and ridiculed, I have been since I was a child. It (trust and faith in me from someone else) has never happened and it most likely never will. I honestly feel that my family tolerates me but even they keep me at arms distance, that's why it's so easy for me to relocate, I have no emotional stake anywhere. That has been turned off since I was a small child. I feel alone in this world and have been for as long as I can remember, so I ride alone. It no longer bothers me, I just know this to be truth so I expect nothing even though I still extend my hand to others. Hell I can't even get you to care enough to place a random phone call my ass to see if I'm still breathing. If my so-called friends and family don't give a shit about me, then how can I have faith in a world of strangers to do the same?

4. No.

Rose Asks:
I'm scared to ask you any questions.

1. I do want to know are you
still drinking and driving too fast?

2. Do you feel scared because you feel like you don't know what you want
out of life?

3. Do you feel like your dream is finally in reach or slipping away?

Hassan Says:
Rose, don't be afraid to ask. I'm asking that you ask. In this moment I want to answer these questions. I'm preparing myself for something different in my life to happen and I'm letting go of so many things. Before I put stuff behind and begin my next journey I would like to address certain things so I'm hoping those that stop by and read me every now and then can help dislodge things to help me purge, reflect and move forward from here. I am an open book, just pick a page.

1. The drinking and driving thing, two separate things... I drove fast during a recent trip (and that trip only) to Atlanta because I could. I have a new car with all kinds of turbo thingees and devices and I also copped a radar detector which worked very well, so I took advantage and got to the ATL in under seven hours. Other than that, I obey the law. I'm a young brother living in a predominately white neighborhood and get pulled over on the regular (most recently Sunday night. Emptied out my whole car- I passed my most recent Nigger test). I went without a driver's license from 1993 to 2001 because I didn't pay a ticket but was able to purchase, rent and drive multiple autos without being detected as having my license suspended during that timeframe, meaning that I obey the lay and blend in with other drivers. Whenever I got pulled over my license was the last thing they ever asked for.

As far as drinking, I rarely do. I went thru a spell where I had a few drinks, but I had a close friend that died at the hand of a drunk driver, I am my crew's den mother, I make sure when friends and I go out they get home safely, meaning I never drink (especially with a brand new car). No one else drives but me. I'm diabetic and I keep things like meat, pork and chicken away. I do still have a drink now and then, but nothing to worry about.

2. I know exactly what I want out of life. I want to die with honor. That's it, so I am not afraid, never have been.

3. My dream is closer now than it ever has been. I'm just taking my time getting to it, in fact I'm procrastinating. Once I get published, release the album and get a chance to travel and press the flesh with those that support my endeavors I can pretty much buy the farm and chill there till I croak. My needs and wants in life are simple. I am not a stranger to traveling and living abroad, I did in my past so I'm pretty much satisfied with what I've done. I have no desire to marry or have children, so the 'dream' thing is simple enough. Performing is all I ever wanted to do, It's a regular part of my life now.

Lynn287 Asks:
I can't believe that you don't know you are loved! I find that amazing but then coming from you, I shouldn't.

Hassan ... I LOVE YOU!
I love talking to you, I love that you make me laugh, I love the fact that I learn from you, I love that you don't mind that I do. I love how you put yourself out there for the world to see. I love how you accept all that life has to give and I love that fact that you are you! I love that we are becoming friends!

1. Now ... Where can I purchase Hassan's Book of Basic Shit About Life and Other Things?!
2. The last movie you watched?
3. What type of wine do you prefer?
Will you ever cut your hair?
4. What type of underwear do you prefer, if you wear them?
5. What the fucc is wrong with you with thoughts of suicide ... I mean I read what you wrote but damn?
6. Kind of car do you drive?
7. How is Grandma?
8. Do you wanna f*cc me?

Hassan Says:
Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate them, but it's hard to believe. Time will tell though and we'll see.

1. That book is in my head. The manuscript plays on the regular, daily.
2. 'Sprung' - Rusty Cundieff, Tisha Campbell, Joe Torry and Paula Jai Parker
3. Red, California, aged at least 12 years and lukewarm, served in a standard widebowl glass and with either fish or dairy. No particular brand, there are about 45 brands from the Napa region that are prepped in this manner.
4. I own boxers, I own briefs, I own compression shorts for athletic stuff. Whatever is right for the moment, I rotate with my outfits.
5. It's natural, we all have those thoughts. Mine just replay in my head on a regular basis. I haven't acted on it, so...
6. 2006 Volkswagen Jetta - I'm at 15,739 at this typing, and that's in 4 months of ownership. I got it @ 3 miles on the odometer.
7. She's fighting. I just got back from the hospital and there is a family meeting Wednesday to determine who pulls the plug if the plug is pulled. I spent hours holding her hand and talking to her. She acknowledges us and makes faces, but because of the respirator tube, she cannot talk. She keeps coming to and reaching for it, trying to pull it out. I know she's sedated but she is aware. The question is, she trying to pull it out to talk to us, or is she trying to die on her own? The jury is still out, she shed tears and gave me a look only I can process and understand last night. We tried to leave around 11:30 but couldn't because she kept squirming and reaching for us, her heart rate increased and she breathes even harder. I know what that means, but I'll let you figure that out. I got home at 2am, so what do you think?
8. I can't answer that question. There is someone that inspires the tightest verse to flow from my pen, and I can't f*cc her, so what's fair? Trust is huge with me, so it has to go there first, and I don't hit and run. I stick and stay.

I need more questions, y'all. More to come in the future
Pssst, hey buddy...

The THE FIRST ANNUAL 'ASK HASSAN-A-THON' is going on without you!

You still have the opportunity to ask me ANYTHING, and I'll be much obliged to answer your wack-ass questions without editing or censoring myself. Operators are standing by. Be nosey and find out shit. Get the truth to what happened the night I was headed to my man Jade's crib back in 88' and got sidetracked (reportedly abducted) and never made it there. Who do I love, who do I hate and why? Do I really worship the devil, and if not, what's all that blood for? Why was I fingered as that cat on the grassy knoll back in 63? Wait, I'm older than 35? Why do I disavow all knowledge being kin to what's her name even though I was in the audience (and got acknowledged - even made a joke and got a laugh) when she sat with Oprah? Wassup with that spaceship-anal probe-white light shit? Find the link between Neuro Linguistic Programming, altered states of consciousness, Anthony Robbins and Reggie Noble's mentally challenged twin sister that lives with my cousin and her baby's daddy in the back bedroom in Newark. Find out how she picks lucky lotto numbers for old ladies and creates hood names for the young children on the block. A threesome? When? Who? Get out of here!!! Get all personal and thangs with a brother, I dare you...

I double dog dare you.

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